BHAG Update : Letting Go of a Goal, Self-Worth, and Redefining

Planning. Goal setting. Taking action.  Pushing boundaries.  This is what I do, pretty much all day every day.  This drive is in my DNA.  Back in late October I wrote a post declaring my Big Hairy Audacious Goal.  I wanted to compete in a 12 hour trail race in June, and I wanted to put in a performance that would put me in the top 5 women in the history of that specific race.  I was committed, passionate, declared my intention, and moved forward exactly according to plan.

Phase 1 was literally flawless – I got to the point of 20 milers feeling very comfortable, no muscle strains, no burn out, no tightness, just fluid movement that was highly enjoyable.  Phase two of training started on a good note with added speed work and continued strength building in the 20+ mile range.   Things were great…. Until they weren’t.   A cold turned into a lung infection, which turned into 9 days in a row of fevers, and ended in walking pneumonia. 

At this point, I’m down three and a half weeks from training, and am restricted for at least another 2.  That’s almost 6 consecutive weeks taken out of the meatiest part of my training plan.  My intention was to be a contender for the top spot in my race.  Looking at my current situation, and my other running goals later in the year, I have made the wise choice.  To pull out of the 12 hour event. 

It literally didn’t even occur to me until yesterday afternoon that this may happen.  My blind faith and trust in my body and training kept me unwavering mentally, until I saw my lung x-rays.  Apparently lung infections aren’t something to be fucked with, and strong willed me can’t even force it to clear up any faster.  Seemingly, I do in fact have limitations. 

The 45 minutes following this realization weren’t pretty.  I was thinking things like ‘Now what?  Who am I if I’m not thriving inside the structure of a training plan?  How do I define myself now?  Am I now considered ‘basic’?  Will my crew be disappointed?  I invested months into this already – how do I let that go?  Who the hell am I if I’m not striving for running greatness and making it look fun?’ 

I’m glad I gave myself a window of time to brood, be pissed off, and ask the deep dark questions of myself that most people don’t say in the light of day.  I realized how closely I tied my identity and self-worth to my running.  I realized how much I like to be in the role of running super achiever. 

Why run Ragnar with 12 people when you can do it with....3?

The danger is that running is something that can be taken away in an instant – because of a health issue, injury, accident – anything.  Running isn’t who I am, it’s just one of the things I do.  One of the many things.  I couldn’t see that clearly when I was reacting to the hard decision I made, I just knew I was intensely disappointed.  I felt like I had just broken up with someone I still really liked.

 

After having a night to sleep on it, and waking up with a clear head, I’m at peace with my decision.  I know it’s the best thing big picture.  I may not be able to run 20 milers right now, but here’s what I CAN do.  Run every other day, work on strength training and flexibility.  I can focus on my next goal, which is helping pace a friend at the Western States 100 June 24^th and 25^th.  I can study the course, encourage my friend in his training, and allow myself the rest I need to be 100% again.

And most importantly, I can work on identifying myself as more than just a runner.   Identify and honor those things that truly define me. Not get caught up associating my self-worth with the activities I participate in.  The miles I run don’t make me a good person, they don’t change the world, they don’t make a person feel loved, and they’re not my last thought at night when I think about what really went right that day. 

Thanks dear friends for all the kind words I’ve received – you all clearly know how important my running and training is to me.  And thanks to this adversity I am reminded that though I love to run, I’m not just a runner.  I’m a dreamer. A lover. A giver. A creative. An athlete. A thinker. A leader.  And a student.    

 

On Line Dating... For Shoes.

It's finally time to break out the winter running gear, follow an actual training plan, and start looking ahead to the 2014 racing season!  Though I feel like I've been waiting for this for a WHILE, I did truly enjoy my rest time.  It was nice to know that I was really doing something positive for my body, and embrace that being healthy doesn't mean hammering out hard miles all year.

A couple weeks ago I picked up a new pair of shoes to break in before I had to start running consistently, and I hate to say it.... but they weren't quite right!  I have been in the Asics Nimbus for probably.... more than 3 years?  Once I found them I fell in love, felt at home with the smooth ride, all the cushioning, and not to sound like a girl... but the colors were AWESOME.  There was something about the toe box and mid-foot that was narrower than normal, and though I wanted to just get used to it, remembering the stress fracture I had on the top of my left foot in college reminded me that undue pressure on the top of my feet as I add miles is probably not a good idea. 


These are the beauties that, sadly, I only spent 20 miles with. :(

I tried a couple pairs of different shoes on down at Movin Shoes and left with a pair of Asics Cumulus to try for a run, but I'm already unsure because of a little heel slip I noticed as I jogged back to my car. 

Don't you  just hate it when this happens??  You develop a close relationship with the running shoes you always run in . You share private moments with your shoes, they become your training partners, and you grow to have part of your identity tied in with the shoes you always pair up with.  So now what do I do?  I feel like I lost a running buddy!  Of course when I got home I felt like I had to do some on-line research to find an appropriate shoe partner to look into.

As I used the Runner's World Shoe Finder tool, I couldn't help but feel like I was in the on-line dating world, but for shoes!  I had to enter my gender, my height, weight, arch height (which I felt was a little personal... :), miles per week, pronation pattern.  I have found a few options that I'm hoping to try if this current pair doesn't win me over.  Our first date run will be on Saturday, so we'll see how it goes.  The Cumulus has big shoes to fill.... maybe that's not the right phrase to use when you're literally talking about shoes... but anyway - we will see.  Like any smart girl, you shouldn't have very high expectations of a first date, whether it's with a male prospect or a shoe prospect. 

But as for my first training week, it went great!  I am trying two new things to help me be as consistent and well rounded with my training as possible.  The first thing is that I bought a dry erase board calendar that I have  hanging in my kitchen.  I wrote all my planned workouts for the month on there and color coded the different components - running, stretching, yoga, abs, drills, and cross training.  My theory is that if I see them every day, I'll be more likely to do them.  Plus I love crossing things off lists, so that's an added motivation.  I also am keeping a running log for the first time.  Hopefully with those to added pieces to my preparation for racing season it will keep me on the right track, and help me spot issues faster than if I wasn't documenting my progression. 

So now I'm back to my shoe screening process - I'm hopeful I'll find 'the one' within the week, but we all know there's lots of duds you have to try on before you find something you can commit 300 miles of foot time with. 

7 Winter Running Tips

For all my northern Midwest friends, winter is upon us.  We slid into work this morning, tried to remember where we put our Yaktrax back in March, and are working on building motivation to run in the cold, dark nights that are going to be with us for the next few months.

I can finally say that I am adjusted to my rest cycle and have now been able to enjoy the free time – getting to my Christmas shopping early, deep cleaning my apartment, spending time with old friends, logging a few extra hours at work.  It took time, but now I am realizing the benefit to taking a true rest from running. I have been running maybe twice a week, but nothing fast or long – max 5 miles or so at a conversational pace.  I realize that in the past I would start a training cycle already really in shape – granted, it’s nice to feel like you can kill any workout, but part of training is to get yourself in shape, and then sharpen your abilities.  I am excited about starting training on December 1^st with fresh legs, a 100% healthy body, and to have all my personal and professional life responsibilities in order. 

One other benefit of resting, is that I haven’t had to head out in the cold very much!  I have had quite a few people asking me for winter running advice the last few weeks, so in light of that, and getting myself motivated to head out the door in a few days, here are my top 7 winter running tips.

1 – A great thing about running in the dark is that you can see cars coming really easily – but you want to know what’s more important than that?  THEY NEED TO SEE YOU! Please try and wear something that is reflective – a vest, reflective details on your jackets or pants, blinking lights, there’s Velcro reflectors you can put around your wrists or ankles.  Seriously – anything helps.  Lots of running outwear is black, but wearing something with a color, topped with reflective gear will help you to not end up underneath a sliding car. 

2 – The second thing in terms of importance in my book is being able to see.  I’m a big fan of head lamps (or torches as they are called in England!) and it can really help you out on those dark nights.  I have a couple Petzl’s and they work really well.  If you have had yours sitting in a drawer since last winter, go ahead and change the batteries right away. If it’s been a while since you’ve used it, you may not realize how dim it really is, and being out on a run in winter when your head lamp dies is not a good time.  I don’t always like to wear head lamps, so in that case I will go to residential areas that are well lit.  If there isn’t any snow on the roads I’ll try and choose a neighborhood that had pretty new roads and just run loops there.  The newer pavement helps lessen your chances of tripping.  If there’s snow on the roads, I try and pick roads that aren’t traveled on much, and will run in the road on the fresh snow.  Sidewalks get icy and are a constant set of mini hurdles, so I prefer road but NEVER with music.  Which leads me to…

3 – Use all your senses.  Your vision will be greatly impaired when you’re running at night – there’s lots of shadows, dark areas, headlights that practically blind you, so I focus more on using my sense of smell and my hearing.  I NEVER wear earbuds when running at night – as a woman, you have to be aware of your surroundings (and everyone needs to be aware of cars, dogs, creaking tree branches, even owls!) so keep the iPod at home and listen to what’s going on around you.  You may think that my saying I use my sense of smell is odd – but it really helps me to know who is around.  You can notice a person’s cigarette smoke or cologne very quickly in contrast to the crisp smell of winter, so you can figure out where someone is at without them even making a sound. 

4 – Dress in layers, and not just any layers, but tech fiber layers.  Most people have a tendency to wear way more than they need to as soon as the temperature drops below 45° or so.  With keeping that in mind, you should expect to be cold for the first ten minutes or so of your run.  To help be as comfortable as you can you need two things – keep your core warm with your first layer being a snug fitting tech fiber shirt, and invest in a good pair of tech fiber running tights.  Having a base layer that fits you snugly and wicks away moisture will keep you more comfortable.  I prefer to wear running sleeves instead of a long sleeve shirt, because if I get too warm I can just pull them off and then use them as Kleenex.  (kinda gross, I know, but very practical!)  I love keeping my ears covered once it gets below 35° or so, and I almost always have gloves or mittens with.  If there’s more than a 10mph breeze out there, try and wear a windbreaker type jacket and pants of similar material over your tights – it will help a LOT.

Sporting the layers with two wonderful people I used to coach. 2008.

5 – Lotion.  You can have the perfect layers on, a reflective vest, and the warmest hat ever, but WOW does it hurt when your face gets cold and you start getting icicles on your eyelashes.  My favorite line of defense for this is to put lotion on my face, and thick chap stick on my lips.  It provides another layer of protection from the cold and makes it a lot more bearable.  You may still get little icicles on your eyelashes, but you’ll appreciate them more as being pretty than a miserable side effect of your face feeling like it’s going to freeze off. 

6 – If it’s windy outside, do your best to start into the wind, and have the wind at your back as you head home.  If you start out with the wind it will be a harsh reality when you turn around – you likely worked up a bit of a sweat and once that frigid air is in your face your temp will drop – quickly. 

7 – Watch your footing!!  This may seem like a no-brainer, but every year I have running friends that take a digger, get injured, slip and fall on ice – it’s a hazard of living in the upper Midwest, but with a couple precautions you can really diminish you chances of falling and injuring yourself.  First – wear Yaktrax.  They go on over your shoe and provide a LOT of added traction. Secondly – Do yourself a favor and don’t try and do speedwork or even strong pick ups outside if there’s even a hint of ice anywhere.  You’re just asking for it.  And lastly – if the weather is really bad, you’ve recently had an ice storm, or there’s more than two inches of fresh powder, just find a treadmill – any treadmill, and do your miles there.  Your chances of wiping out and pulling/breaking/tweaking something increase exponentially when it truly gets bad, so just play it safe and stay inside.  (Or throw on your snowshoes/skiis/snowboard for a different kind of workout.)  Your 2014 racing season will thank you.

A Time to Give Back, and a Time to be Selfish

Like anything in life, balance is a strong component of success.  I take balance pretty seriously in my work, personal, and fitness life.  But in all honesty, distance running can be a pretty selfish endeavor.  You naturally become very self-focused as you dissect your diet, training plans, goals, aches and pains…   If you’re going to make it through a training cycle in a healthy way, you have to pay a lot of attention to yourself.  The ugly part of that is that it naturally takes your focus away (at least a little bit anyway) from your other commitments – your relationships, your work, your other hobbies – there are only so many hours in the day, and if you’re spending a few hours focused on your running each day, you have to cut attention away from something else. 

I am very aware that next year with the tentative goals I have that some other things will drop down my priority list, but I am ready for that. I have a tendency to train hard with high mileage about every other year, and in those ‘off’ years it is important for me to give back to the sport of running.  Training hard every year would get old for me, plus, I would probably die of boredom if I had to focus on myself for so long! 

The most significant way that I give back to the sport is by coaching at the high school level.  I have been blessed to have some amazingly talented girls come through the program, but what really excites me about coaching is the work I do with the girls that are brand new to running.  Maybe they were cut from volleyball and still wanted to do a sport, or maybe they’re just trying it out because their older sister ran previously.  Either way, I love coaching those girls.  It is most important to me (more so than winning and getting the girls to hit their goal times) to lay the foundation for these girls to have a healthy relationship with running, and with their bodies.  Running is special in that it is something you can do for your entire life, and I really believe that those first formative years in the sport are detrimental.  We’ve all seen women who have an unhealthy relationship with running  - they use it as a punishment on their body, or as a tool for regulation of their caloric intake.  Anything I can do to bring out the fun in running, and promote a healthy partnership of working with your body and not against it to succeed is a victory in my book, even if it doesn’t culminate in a team win at a meet. 

Speaking of team wins...  here is a pic of my girls winning their Sectional
meet for the first time EVER this past Saturday.

 

 

                Another way I love to give back is by answering people’s running questions, helping with training plans, and giving them tips on injuries, gear, routes, and mental strength.  Running is accessible to everyone, so if I can be an approachable resource to help get people out the door and on the way to discovering their own strength, that’s awesome.  I get really excited to hear about my friends and co-workers running their own races – it reminds me of the excitement of tackling a new distance and meeting a goal you weren’t sure you could attain.

 

A group of my lovely running friends.

                So now as my cross country season winds down (this is the last week with the State meet this Saturday) I am mentally prepping myself to get back to running solo, paying attention to my body’s feedback instead of dialing into the aches and pains my athletes have, and am really looking forward to focusing on my nutrition the next six weeks or so.  I recently read Scott Jurek’s book Eat and Run and want to explore some different, plant based foods to add into my already pretty healthy eating habits.  If you know me at all, I am not a cook.  I would live off of toast, soup and cookies all year if it was acceptable – so I want to take some of my rest cycle time to try some new things.  I have some tempeh in the fridge that I want to use to make a recipe that was in Runner’s World a couple months ago.  I'm shooting for cooking / trying something new every week.

                So as I get ready from the transition of being a coach for my girls, to being more focused on my own miles, I am happy to have spent most of this year investing in other people’s running goals.  It gives me lots to think about when I’m training on my own, and also provides a lot of inspiration as I think about my athletes and friends, and the struggles they have shared with me. It’s like they are giving back to me when they probably aren’t even aware that they are.  To me it feels like the perfect balance of giving and self-focus.  So thank you to my athletes and my running friends who inspire me through the darkest parts of the trail.

 

Me with an athlete I used to coach who I consider to be a sister. :)

 

 

Fall Run in Pictures - Loving Wisconsin

I am headed out shortly to meet a dear old friend for yoga and dinner, and since I have recently decided that chocolate chip cookies make up their own very important food group, I headed out the door for a trail run to enjoy the fall day.  I find that I have quite a few readers that aren't here in Wisconsin, and may not even have cool temperatures yet, so these photos are for you. 

It was a perfect fall run - crunchy leaves, cool breeze, the sun low in the sky so the shadows are long and graceful.  Halloween decorations punctuated the houses that connected the two trails I ran, and you could smell that perfect mix of fall, fires, and dinner being cooked. 

Happy fall trails my friends!

 

5 Tips to Make Your Long Run Not Feel So Looooooong.

We, as distance runners, have all been there.  You can have three weeks worth of solid, enjoyable runs in a row. The weather is your friend, all the walk lights are in your favor, your legs have bounce, your favorite running clothes always seem to be clean, and even dogs smile at you as you effortlessly glide by.  And then it happens.  You hit a point in your long run where you think the miles on your gps are going backwards, you can barely lift your knees up, and you want to be anywhere other than where you are.  Those are the most difficult runs for me.  Now, 'long' is a subjective term, depending on what kind of running you're into.  For some people a long run is three miles, for others, it's 50.  At any rate, that weighed down feeling happens to all of us.  So here are a few things that I do to make the best of those long miles.

This was from one of my worst long runs on record.  Yes, it was so bad I had to take a picture.  It was THAT bad.

1 - Change up the route.  I am shocked by the amount of people I speak to that run the same routes, in the same places, year in and year out.  Anyone would get bored with that!  If you do the same urban route to fit in your 20 miler, think outside the box and look for an easy trail system - around Madison I love Military Ridge.  It's flat, straight, and soft footing which is great for the legs.  It may feel counterproductive to hop in the car to drive somewhere to go for a run, but the change in surroundings can make a huge difference.  I also like to go to my hometown a couple times a year and log miles on a 'memory lane run' going past my old house, schools, high school hangouts.  It's a great way to let the miles slide by while keeping your mind occupied with happy things.

2 - Get a sidekick.  If you're a super long distance runner, you might not have friends that are able to go the whole distance with you, so save them for the end.  Even if you are just meeting someone for the last 5 miles, it's worth it.  You can finally talk to someone besides yourself and they can also have a fresh water bottle and snack for you.  It's the best of both worlds!

Having a friend run with me in the dark hours of my relay helped me get through that last leg
 (which was 24.4 miles by the way...yikes).

3 - Give yourself something to look forward to.  People respond well to incentive - for me when I'm running it's a food or drink treat, or allowing myself music.  For a while I'd allow myself half a Red Bull and a handful of Cheez Its at mile 15.  It made a big difference to know that I had something that I really liked on the horizon, and the last few miles cruised by once I had my mood lifted from my sugar and salt injection. 

4 - Break it up.  Running a loooong way on the same terrain, with the same surroundings gets old. Well, at least mundane.  So think about what you can work into your routes to get some variety.  Here in Madison I can plan a 20 miler that includes lake views, hills, flats, ritzy residential, Big Ten campus, prairies and woods.  With variety like that you can split up the long run into shorter parts that are all just different enough to keep you interested.  If at all possible, I try and have the 'natural beauty' segments towards the end.  Nature rejuvenates me in all contexts so to catch some fresh air off the lakes and float through the floor of a pine forest refreshes me even on the worst of days.



View from a long run outside Tucson in April, 2011

5 - Mind games.  This is my favorite, and you can do this on the fly whenever you decide you need it.  Almost all of my long runs have been alone, so I resorted to brain games using the alphabet a few years ago.  All you do is go from A - Z and name a city that starts with each letter, then girls names, then boys names, last names, foods you like with each letter, foods you dislike, songs that start with each letter, bands...  It can be really fun!  I can recall some delirious moments where I start laughing out loud while mumbling these games to myself.  One particular laugh fest came when I decided my favorite boys B name was Barkley.  Yes, Barkley.  (I never said you did your best thinking 20 miles in on an 80° day.)

Today's Run in Pictures

Today I made it a point to bring my phone to snag some photos - our colors here are just starting to change, but wanted to post some for my readers that aren't in the upper mid-west.  Wisconsin running is really beautiful right now!

Why Run?

There are a zillion reasons to run.  Health, stress relief, trying to get faster, lose weight, prove a point, social aspects, getting something off your bucket list....   The list could go on forever. In listening to a podcast on Trail Runner Nation yesterday I started really thinking about this.  At different stages of my life there have been different driving factors in what got me to lace up and get out the door.  Lately, I find that going for a run is my version of having a 'reset button'. 

On any given day I find myself being pulled in countless different directions, with my ultimate goal being to do the best I can in every facet of my life, and not get too bent out of shape over things I can't control.  It can be tough when a person hurts someone you care about, when someone overreacts and is unreasonable, when someone close to you makes decisions you don't agree with, but at the end of the day it's not my problem.  I can't control anything that other people do, I can't control their reactions, and I can't reason with someone that is unreasonable.  So instead I do the best I can to stay level headed, make the best decisions I can, and just try and understand where other people are coming from.  And running gets me to that place faster than anything else. 

I am headed out to do a trail run in a little bit and I can't wait.  There's something almost meditative about it.  Stresses fall away and the only things in your immediate world are the trail, the sounds of the stream running past, the fall colors permeating the canopy of the woods, squirrels frantically searching for the last few nuts they can find to get themselves ready for the winter. To me this feels like I've entered a bubble - no one knows exactly where I am, no one can call me, ask a question, or complain to me about something.  No one needs anything from me, so I'm free to dial into my own personal ground zero and just be thankful for the miles, the quiet, enjoy doing something positive for my mind and body, and know that when I'm done I can field all my different obligations from a place that is calm and mindful.  Everyone seems to have their own 'reset button', and running is definitely mine. 

Running Free

I am winding down at the end of a wonderful four days off of work, and am feeling relaxed, happy, and ready to get after the rest of the week once my alarm goes off tomorrow morning.  I had two main goals with my four days off.  One was to get back to my running roots and rediscover the original joy I found in it.  The second was to only do what I felt like doing.  I wanted to take the word 'should' out of my vocabulary.  I didn't want to tell myself 'I should run at least 8 miles today' or 'I should really do these dishes now instead of waiting until morning.'  I wanted to do whatever seemed great at the time.  That is so liberating!  And much to my surprise, these two goals joined together nicely. 

As I wrote earlier, my trail run at Indian Lake was wonderful.  I ran impulsively, taking whichever turns I felt like.  I took any pressure I normally carry on my shoulders and left them in the parking lot.  Running without the nagging pressure of the word 'should' helped me to run as I truly wanted. 

Saturday I felt like doing some yoga so I went to a class at Gold's that is Tai Chi, Yoga and Pilates combined into one class.  The combination of the flow of the class, stretching out my sore muscles, and having my mind focused only on the work I was doing on my mat was nothing short of centering.  I felt so energized after class that I did some work with my power wheel in the gym (http://www.lifelineusa.com/products/power-wheel.html) and then headed out for a 5 mile run. 

I used to live near Gold's and have run on the Military Ridge trail countless times.  This time I hit the trail with what felt like a new set of eyes.  I even came across an area of trails I have never run on before (which I later found out is Goose Lake).  I have run past the trail that leads to this area so many times, but I never even thought about turning there to see what was around the corner.  I was amazed to see a small lake, wide grassy trails, and a field of brilliantly yellow wildflowers dancing in the breeze.  At one point when I was running around the edge of the wildflower field I found myself laughing and closing my eyes to soak up the sun on my face.  I ran the exact pace I wanted, and didn't even hear the voice in my head say I should do anything - I just enjoyed the moment without having to frame it in reference to an end point I wanted to get to.  Why in the world has it been so long since I let myself run like this??  It was great!

Sunday I spend the afternoon hiking at Devil's Lake which was nothing short of perfect.  My boyfriend was great company as we took in the sights, pet people's wet, tired dogs, and took our time savoring the views from the overlooks along the west side of the park. 

I could get used to a view like this!

 

Today I was lucky enough to be able to log some miles with one of my best girlfriends from high school.  She is training for a marathon and is just about on the cusp of her taper, and I was happy to run a comfortable 7.5 miles with such good company.  Our miles and conversation were easy, and were punctuated by flowing streams, changing leaves, some gentle hills, and ideal temperatures.  We finished up our run with lunch at Villa Dolce in Middleton which was absolutely perfect.

 

It feels great to reflect on such a good mini vacation and know that I accomplished everything I wanted.  I was able to get to the core of why I love to run, and actively looked forward to my workouts this weekend.  Nothing felt forced, and nothing was done out of obligation.  I am looking forward to tackling some things at work tomorrow, and I'm very ready to coach my girls in the afternoon.  To still fall in line with doing what I feel like doing, I also have a horseback riding after cross country practice!

 

Now that my batteries are recharged and I have renewed focus, I think back to something that was written on one of the overlooks I saw up at Devils Lake yesterday.  It only gets better.



 

 

Hitting The Trail

There's a beautiful Dane County Park on Highway 19 just outside of Madison that I decided would be the place that I get in touch with my running roots.  The park is almost 500 acres with seemingly endless trails.  There's a mix of well maintained, wide grassy trails (including a 2 mile loop around the lake) and many more technical trails that wind through the woods. 

I pulled in the parking lot and saw only one other car.  I wanted to run alone and have as little human interaction as possible, so this was perfect.  The first signs of fall were present - a few leaves were starting to change color, the breeze felt cool and crisp, and there was that fall smell.  You know what I mean, right?  The smell that reminds you of football, sweatshirts, and sleeping at night with your windows cracked open? It was perfect. 

Before I run trails I like to do a little agility work so my legs and joints are ready for the undulation and turns, so I turned up some Florence and the Machine on my car stereo and weaved through the parking lot doing my side skips, cariocas, backwards skips and high knees while acclimating to the serenity and possibility of the 500 acres that surrounded me. 

I turned off the stereo, and tuned out the rest of the world.  It was time to see if I could run like I was twelve.  I had a rough idea in mind of how long I wanted to be running for, but I wasn't married to the idea.  So I took off with no set route in mind.  I began my run on the smooth, grassy trail that ran near the edge of the lake and headed west.  The breeze was refreshing, the sounds of birds and occasional splashes from the lake were my soundtrack.  With each step I felt more free, and more invigorated.  If I wanted to stop and look at something, I stopped.  If I wanted to take a turn I had never noticed before, I turned.  It was amazingly liberating to run in a new place, and be incredibly impulsive.  It felt like an adventure! 

As the miles went by the way I looked at things kept changing. It was as if my scope of vision was getting broader and broader with each step.  I can get 'tunnel vision' in training. I am so focused on intensity and mileage that I could probably run right by John Legend without even noticing he was there.  It was refreshing to take it all in, look up from the ground, and really see what was around me.

The loop around the lake was wonderful for the five senses - the cool breeze, the sound of the water, the dew from the grass in the shady areas making my shoes wet.  It was wonderful.  I stopped and shot a short video to put in here so you could get a small taste of the beauty of this park. 

 





After the lake loop I ran into the core of the park - through the prairie and then into the woods to zigzag back and forth, climb he hills, smile at the squirrels racing around, and enjoy every second of where I was.  Each step in the woods brought me closer and closer to the root of my love for trail running.  I'm not sure if nature has this effect on everyone, but for me there's nothing but authenticity in it.  You don't have pressure to be anyone but who you are, you don't have to impress anyone, no one is judging you, and you can just let everything go. It reminds me of the scene in the movie 'What About Bob?' , when Bill Murray is prescribed to take a vacation from his problems.  That seems to happen naturally when you get on the trails!  In moments like these, running feels like an art form.  As if my feet are the paintbrushes and the trails are my canvas. 

        

I was able to run with freedom and excitement, and treat the entire run like it was an adventure - I didn't feel like it was a 'workout' at all!  I can't help but think I can take this experience and add it into my training for my 50K.  Everything is better when you make it fun - including training for a race. 

 

One of my favorite places in this park is on an overlook on the east side of the property.  There is a winding, mildly steep trail that leads you to a tiny chapel that was build in 1857.  You can go inside and see the religious statues and wall art, and there are two notebooks that people write in who visit. Some just sign their names, some write prayers, one entry I glanced at was a little girl writing to God in hopes that she can make it back to her country safely.  Puts things in perspective to say the least. 

 

Just beyond this chapel is the overlook I mentioned.  I spent some time standing there, soaking up the beauty and the quiet that was all around me.  I even took a moment to appreciate that awkward 12 year old I once was, and thank her for having the courage to get out of her comfort zone, try cross county, and set me up to be where I am at now in my relationship with running.  Taking this time to get back to the foundation of my running, and my drive to even lace up my shoes left me feeling invigorated and peaceful.  It was running in its most natural form for me. Here is one more video I took from the overlook so you can get a sense of what it's like up there.

 



 
Now is a perfect time of year for hikes, trail runs, picnics, or even just reading a book outside.  If you're interested in checking this place out here is a link to it.  It's just 2 miles off the beltline, north of Madison.
http://www.countyofdane.com/lwrd/parks/indian_lake.aspx
Happy trails my friends!

Going Back 23 Years, To Where It All Started

       Any person who considers themselves a ‘runner’ can trace their love for the sport back to a single experience that struck them in such a way, that they felt as though they were home.  This was what they loved, and what they wanted to do.  To run.  As time goes by our motivations to continue to run become more layered and complex.  We run because we want to keep pushing further, or we want redemption from a race gone bad, or because our significant other doesn't understand us, or maybe we run because we’ve always run and that’s just what we do.

 I spent some time this week thinking about my own running, and where it all started.  I know my interest was piqued back when I was 6 when I saw my mom start to run road races, and my brother was pushing his own limits in high school track and cross country.  Just seeing them run made me want to do the same thing, but it wasn’t until I was 12 that I could finally run with an organized team.  I loved to run around prior to this, but I wasn’t a ‘runner’, and had no idea what it would actually entail.  I was very excited to have something to be involved in that give me an outlet, hopefully make me more relaxed, and ease the awkwardness that those pre-teen years were known for. 

The first day of practice after school I was ready to go, but very nervous.  I was pale, had a bad haircut, was way too skinny, and was 100% uncomfortable in my own skin.  We all sat and stretched on the lawn in the front of the middle school and I silently looked around comparing myself to the other girls.  They all had Nikes, I had Asics.  They all wore scrunchies, I had just a couple barrettes to hold my hair up.  They talked with each other like they had known each other for years (because they had), and I sat by myself just watching, impatiently waiting to start running.   We didn’t run particularly far, but I made it a point to stay near one of the coaches.  He had an inviting, even stride to run next to, and I felt more comfortable talking to him than the other girls.  We stuck to sidewalks and a few roads on the edge of town, and then we started making our way back to the middle school.  I was working hard, but I wanted to push to stay next to the coach so I wouldn’t have to make uncomfortable conversation with any of my teammates, and then Mr. Greiber took a turn through the parking lot.  I didn’t understand where he was headed because all I saw was a grouping of trees the seemed to go up a hill behind the dumpsters.  He navigated us to a narrow trail and I welcomed the change from the sidewalks.  I followed him closely as we navigated the short, but refreshing trail up the hill, winding back and forth.  It was that moment, on that short section of trail that I felt like I finally exhaled.  My insecurities I carried through the school day melted away as soon as I got into the woods, smelled the fall leaves, and navigated with natural skill over and around the tree roots, rocks, and uneven terrain.  That brief moment instilled in me a love for not just running, but trail running.  It was the only place I felt truly at home since moving to Wisconsin roughly a year earlier.  That was the moment that I forgot about the other girls, any expectations, homework, my knobby knees, and my un-cool shoes.    I was just me, matching strides with my coach up that hill. 

When we exited the woods just a couple minutes later I emerged with a sense of knowing – that I had found what I was looking for.  It is this raw, natural excitement for running that I want to get back to.  As I mentioned in previous posts, I am an assistant cross country coach for a high school.  I also work full time in management and a bank, and have my own side business as a personal trainer (though I’ve scaled way back and only work with one client at the moment).  I love all the jobs I have, but every fall in the middle of cross country season I allow myself a short vacation from all my forms of work.  I need to take that time to get away from all the obligations I feel on a daily basis, and renew my motivation for everything I commit myself to doing.   I usually head out of town to Door County or something like that, but this time I am staying home and doing what I feel like, when I feel like it.  I am taking this opportunity to get back in touch with that moment 23 years ago that paved my way to run thousands of cumulative miles.  I want to head to the woods without an agenda, another person, or any expectations, and just be.  I don’t ever try and connect with that 12 year old I once was when I started running, because I honestly don’t feel like I’m that same person, but before I start gearing up and planning my training regimen for my 50k in the spring I want to get back to basics.  Remember where all this drive came from, and what I really wanted for me out of my running.  Not think about racing, goal times, specific distance, but to instead run and really see what is around me, smile for no reason, stop and look at something beautiful if I want to, or charge up a steep hill if I want to.  I am headed out later today and I am already looking forward to whatever unfolds during that process.   Let’s see if I’m able to let go of all my obligations and run like I’m 12 again!

So You Want to PR This Fall? Three Mental Tips to Help You Race Faster

                One thing I love about writing this blog so far, is that I don’t have to look far for ideas.  Every day I have based my post off a conversation I had with one my friends or athletes, or from a podcast I listened to, or from a book I’m reading.  Inspiration for things to write about are all around these days as cross country season is in full swing, and the fall road race circuit is well underway.  One thing I keep hearing from people around me that are racing this fall is that they want to race faster.  They want a new PR as a reward for running so many hot, hilly, painful miles this summer.  You may have done everything by the book this summer – increased your mileage by no more than 10% each week, did runs that emulate the race course, ate right, did your long runs as scheduled, and even did some tempo runs to help your overall pace.  But there is one big, important, often detrimental x-factor that often goes without attention during training. The mental game.  Have you ever gotten to a race a little early and surveyed your competition, and then got incredibly intimidated?  Or started to push your pace in a 5k and the voice in your head said ‘you can’t hold this pace, you’d better slow down and conserve energy for later so you have a kick’?  Or even questioned if you can complete the mileage in front of you?  You can thank your untrained brain for all that self-doubt.  The mind is a wonderful tool, and if you give it just a few things to focus on, you will be amazed at the difference.  It can change the whole experience of a run or race for you. And it will prevent your imagination from running away from you… and ending up in a very negative, questioning place.

                My first tip may seem like something impossible to you. In fact, you might think that your head will explode if you try it.  But that’s where the growth comes from, because we all know that the best things happen when we get outside our comfort zone.  So what is it?  It’s simple.  Leave your watch at home.  Try it on a training run first.  Sport the watch tan line so many of you have and give yourself a break from looking at your splits, doing mental math and projections, and focus on what you are doing. Running.  Have you ever been a couple miles into a run or race and then look at your watch – and then think ‘I went out way too fast! I should slow down!’?  That is letting your watch dictate how you feel.  Do you want to know why you ran those first couple miles so fast?  Because you felt good, and that felt natural for you.  There is one caveat with this – if you’re running a marathon or beyond, and aren’t one of those people that really knows your body and your pacing, you may still want it.  I only race with watches for marathons and beyond so I know I’m eating often enough.  The rest of you who are racing 5Ks, 10ks, and half marathons – think about going watchless!  It can be very liberating to give your brain a break from thinking about times and math, and instead enjoy the act of racing unencumbered – look at people in the crowd, listen to your breathing, and let your body run the pace it wants to without the nagging voice from the digital display on your wrist telling you to do anything other than what is coming naturally that day.  Maybe this style of ‘zen running’ isn’t for everyone, but every single PR I have hit in the last 2 years has been in a race where I didn’t where a watch.

                   Here’s the second thing.  It’s a harsh truth, but here it is.  Racing isn’t supposed to feel good the whole time.  If you are truly racing and pushing yourself, no matter what the distance, you are guaranteed to hit a point where you want to slow down, and your mind wants to tell you to back off.  As I mentioned earlier, the best things happen outside your comfort zone.  You will never surprise yourself, or feel like you’re hitting your potential in ANYTHING if you don’t get uncomfortable once in a while.  So do it.  Get comfortable being uncomfortable.  If you feel like you’re grinding and you are working hard in a race, you’re doing it right.  Have that conversation with your brain before the gun goes off so when you hit that uncomfortable place at mile 4 of your 10k, think ‘okay, I’m right where I’m supposed to be.  I’m doing this RIGHT and I’m going to embrace this discomfort and kill the rest of this race.’  That subtly turns the negative of being uncomfortable into a positive – it’s a pat on your back.  Good job!  You are working hard and doing your best!  THIS is what accomplishment feels like!  Every step you take outside of that comfort zone is an investment in who and where you want to be.  Rise to the occasion and get after it.  It is much easier to embrace that place of hurt when you know you’re going to be there for a while.  

                This is a Tracey patented mental trick I am going to tell you now.  I adore this one, I thrive on this one, I savor the opportunity to use this one and light up inside whenever a chance to use it comes up in a race.  This one may also sound harsh, but it’s effective.  Prey on other people’s weaknesses.  It may make me sound like a bloodthirsty crazy person, but the only person who knows you’re thinking this way on a race course is you.  This is the mindset that helped me get through my 50K back in 2011, and finished 6^th overall, first in my division.  I picked off many women in that race by thinking that way.  Here’s how it works – at some point everyone hurts in a race, we already covered that.  Look at your competition when you are out there, past your half way point usually.  Many runners wear their pain on their sleeve, and you will hear them breathing loudly, or see them slow down, or even walk.  Breakdowns in posture and form are also good cues to look for.  This is when you turn on blood thirst mode.  I almost view it like a video game – you imagine yourself sucking the energy right out of them and filling up your own tank.  They are obviously tired and losing steam, so in your mind take that steam and blow right past them.  Some of you sweet, soft hearted, hug lovers out there may think that you could never go into blood thirst mode, but I’m telling you.  It completely invigorates you when you try it.  I did this many times in my 50k and it was such a boost that it had me sailing at a stronger pace for a solid 5 minutes after I passed the person, so not only do you pass someone and feel stronger, but you can put some solid distance in between you and them. 

                Give one, two, or all three of these a shot in a race this fall, or even just a training run.  Each tip gives your brain a different, more positive focus than just letting it run wild.  You will definitely surprise yourself, and will learn some things about yourself in the process.  I’d love to hear about any experiences you all have with these If you decide to try them!  Now go get zen, hurt a little, and smoke someone out on the trail!

 

I would not have had this awesome moment with Dean Karnazes if I didn't

get a little blood thirsty out there!

It's Time to Settle the Score

If there's one thing I love, it's picking out a goal, planning how I'm going to reach that goal, and then moving forward with as close to flawless execution as possible.  Whether it's a goal that pertains to a race, learning a new word every day for a month, or getting through the grocery store in less than 23 minutes without forgetting anything on my mental list, I'm all over it.  I love to plan. I thrive on details and preparing myself for any 'what ifs' that may come up along the way.  If I am preparing for a race I will train in all types of weather, purposely run when I am most tired to get comfortable running uncomfortable, and put extra weight in the pack I'm carrying just so it feels lighter on race day.  If I'm trying to set a land speed record in the grocery store I go through my mental list in the parking lot, in order of the layout of the store, and think of a pattern around the store that seems most efficient. My appropriate check card is the first one in my wallet, and I leave the phone in the car to minimize distractions along the way.  It's just what I do.

So as you can imagine, if I am on a roll towards my perceived flawless execution, and a large scale snafu pops up to derail me, it's hard to let go.  I can get past blowing my grocery shopping goal time because I ran into an old friend and we stood yapping about everything under the sun for 12 minutes while blocking the granola bar section from countless shoppers.  No big deal.  But when a road block pops up in training for a big race - that lingers.  Apparently for years.

In my last post I eluded to the fact that I have finally set my sights on my next milestone race.  It is the one race goal of mine that didn't come to fruition, because of a hard headed mistake I made in training.  My drive to stick to my mental plan was my detriment back in 2009.  Let me briefly give you the back story.

In 2008 I recognized that fact that I loved running on trails better than anything else. They challenged me, they renewed me, and they were often times unpredictable and difficult.  Anyone who knows me knows that I love the unpredictable and difficult.  I had done a fair amount of large scale road races at typical distances and was ready for a new challenge, so I set my sights on my first ultra marathon.  A 50K trail run in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, that was scheduled to take place in April of 2009.  True to form, I did my research, to read up on the course, and I created a training plan to follow that would include lots of long runs, hill work, and running in the worst of conditions so I was ready.  I even went as far as to train while always carrying a phone or iPod capable of taking a picture to document this journey from the beginning to the peak of my training. 

It was the day before my last long run (22 miles) and I was headed up to Chippewa Falls.  I wanted my last long run before my taper to be on the actual course so I knew what to expect come race day, three weeks later.  I stayed at the hotel I planned on staying in the night before the race, I even ate dinner at the Italian restaurant I wanted to carb load at three short weeks later.  I ordered the exact meal I planned on having on race eve.  The next morning I was suited up and out of the hotel at the same time I'd have to leave to reach the starting line in time.  And then I saw it.  It had snowed.  The forecast showed a possibility for a few light overnight showers, and instead I walked outside to see 2 inches of fresh snow clinging to everything around me. Including my car I didn't even have a scraper for. I did my best to scrape off the windows with my drivers license all the while swearing under my breath.  'F***ing snow, trying to mess up my last long run.  D*** it.  I'm running these 22 miles at 7am no matter what.  I can't control the weather and it's sure as hell not going to control me.'  Are you starting to see how stubborn I can be? 

I drove to the park and was honestly amazed at how beautiful it was.  Snow clung to every branch, and every mail box. This is literally a picture from the drive that morning on the way to start my run.

 

I didn't have my YakTrax with me but decided that slowing down my usual pace would be enough of an adjustment to deal with the extra snow on the trails.  I did the loop in the prairie area first which didn't prove to be too difficult, and then made my way into the woods where I was met with many  quick elevation changes and more technical footing than I had anticipated.  Early on my quadriceps burned because I was picking my feet up higher than normal because of the snow, but I prided myself on being tough and not letting a little bit of mother nature deter my plans.

 

After only a few miles the trail lead to an overlook that gave me an amazing view of a lake with fresh animal tracks dotting the edges.  It looked like heaven to me, and I embraced the solitude.  This was an out and back course so I had no worries about getting lost, my food supply was holding up nicely, and since I was the only person out there I sang aloud to myself when the mood stuck without a trace of embarrassment.  And then it started.  It warmed up just a little bit, enough to make the bottom of the snow slippery on all the dead leaves that had been sitting there since fall.  The trail got narrower, and instead of just going up and down, it would tip to the left or right.  I began sliding regularly to either side.  Once even falling and starting to slip down the side of a ravine.  I kept my hard headed attitude on and plowed forward. I was only 4 miles from my turn around point.

 

Half a mile later I noticed the start of a nagging pain on the outside of my right leg.  Through my years of running I knew that was the area that housed my IT band.  I tried to run more carefully and anticipate areas that may slide more than others, but mother nature was having fun making me slide, trip, and stumble. Repeatedly.  These falters upset my regular running rhythm to the point that I was running angry.  I just wanted to reach the turn around and get the hell out of there.  

 

Finally I reached my 11 mile marker and could turn around. But not without snapping a quick photo of me with my best attempt at a smile.

 

I ate a gel, gently stretched out my legs, mentally regrouped as much as I could, and then was headed back the way I came.  5 minutes into my 11 mile journey back to the car I felt it.  A sharp, burning pain quickly make its way up the outside of my right leg.  It came on so suddenly that I yelped out loud. I shook it off and continued forward, and another couple minutes later it happened again.  This happened every 2 to 3 minutes for the next 20 or so before it began to radiate all the way up the outside of my leg, through the back of my hip, and settle into my lower back.   I couldn't believe it.  It was so painful that it took my breath away and was causing my leg to lock up. 

 

I had an emergency Red Bull in my pack, along with my cell phone and some Cheez Its.  I stopped and slammed the Red Bull, called a good friend, and began walking and talking while munching on my Cheez Its.  My friend told me to take my time and listen to my body - I would make it to the car eventually, and to call him when I got there.  I calmly put my phone in my pack and did an assessment of my situation. I could barely bend my right knee, so running any of the remaining 8+ miles seemed out of the question.  I had two bars left on my cell phone, minimal food, and was starting to get chilly.  I didn't bring enough layers to stroll through the woods, only enough to maintain the perfect temperature while running.  My only option was to get back to the car as quickly as I could, while incurring as little extra damage to my IT band as possible while not letting my core temperature drop. 

 

This was work mode.  Getting back to the car was my job and I was on the clock.  The Red Bull did the trick to boost my energy, and I was focused on finishing.  As I hiked as briskly as I could I felt my IT band ease up just a little bit so I was more able to bend my leg.  After a few minutes of minor relief I decided to try and slowly run on it.  I got about two minutes in before my leg seized up again, taking my breath away, and leaving me hunched over and shocked at its intensity.  But then the pain subsided rather quickly.  I started to run again, and a few minutes later, another intense shooting pain.  I completed the rest of the miles back to the car with the Quasimodo style limp run and necessary walk breaks.  It was awful.  My Saturn Vue had never looked so inviting.  A 22 mile training run had taken more than six hours.  I had lost.  That section of the Ice Age Trail had kicked my ass, and karate chopped my right in the IT band. 

 

In the few days after this run it became very apparent that I had done serious damage.  I could barely walk, let alone run.  As 7 days with pain turned into 10, I knew the verdict.  That I would not be competing in the 50k I trained all winter long for.  On paper my training plan I constructed was flawless (or so I thought).  The miles were spot on, my hill work was great, I had been stretching and getting enough sleep.  And then my stubbornness and inability to see when flexibility was needed ended up costing my the race, and almost 3 months of running. 

 

So now, I have set my next goal.  To have a re-match with the Chippewa Moraine 50K next April.  I will again have a thorough training plan, but I will know when I need to improvise. I know I need to include agility work and running drills so I'm better prepared for the side to side slipping that is likely to happen again out there.  I will be better prepared for the elements, and I won't be so rigid that I force myself through acute pain. 

 

That is the only race I trained for and didn't get to toe the line, so after learning this tough lesson, it's time to settle the score.