BHAG Update : Letting Go of a Goal, Self-Worth, and Redefining

Planning. Goal setting. Taking action.  Pushing boundaries.  This is what I do, pretty much all day every day.  This drive is in my DNA.  Back in late October I wrote a post declaring my Big Hairy Audacious Goal.  I wanted to compete in a 12 hour trail race in June, and I wanted to put in a performance that would put me in the top 5 women in the history of that specific race.  I was committed, passionate, declared my intention, and moved forward exactly according to plan.

Phase 1 was literally flawless – I got to the point of 20 milers feeling very comfortable, no muscle strains, no burn out, no tightness, just fluid movement that was highly enjoyable.  Phase two of training started on a good note with added speed work and continued strength building in the 20+ mile range.   Things were great…. Until they weren’t.   A cold turned into a lung infection, which turned into 9 days in a row of fevers, and ended in walking pneumonia. 

At this point, I’m down three and a half weeks from training, and am restricted for at least another 2.  That’s almost 6 consecutive weeks taken out of the meatiest part of my training plan.  My intention was to be a contender for the top spot in my race.  Looking at my current situation, and my other running goals later in the year, I have made the wise choice.  To pull out of the 12 hour event. 

It literally didn’t even occur to me until yesterday afternoon that this may happen.  My blind faith and trust in my body and training kept me unwavering mentally, until I saw my lung x-rays.  Apparently lung infections aren’t something to be fucked with, and strong willed me can’t even force it to clear up any faster.  Seemingly, I do in fact have limitations. 

The 45 minutes following this realization weren’t pretty.  I was thinking things like ‘Now what?  Who am I if I’m not thriving inside the structure of a training plan?  How do I define myself now?  Am I now considered ‘basic’?  Will my crew be disappointed?  I invested months into this already – how do I let that go?  Who the hell am I if I’m not striving for running greatness and making it look fun?’ 

I’m glad I gave myself a window of time to brood, be pissed off, and ask the deep dark questions of myself that most people don’t say in the light of day.  I realized how closely I tied my identity and self-worth to my running.  I realized how much I like to be in the role of running super achiever. 

Why run Ragnar with 12 people when you can do it with....3?

The danger is that running is something that can be taken away in an instant – because of a health issue, injury, accident – anything.  Running isn’t who I am, it’s just one of the things I do.  One of the many things.  I couldn’t see that clearly when I was reacting to the hard decision I made, I just knew I was intensely disappointed.  I felt like I had just broken up with someone I still really liked.

 

After having a night to sleep on it, and waking up with a clear head, I’m at peace with my decision.  I know it’s the best thing big picture.  I may not be able to run 20 milers right now, but here’s what I CAN do.  Run every other day, work on strength training and flexibility.  I can focus on my next goal, which is helping pace a friend at the Western States 100 June 24^th and 25^th.  I can study the course, encourage my friend in his training, and allow myself the rest I need to be 100% again.

And most importantly, I can work on identifying myself as more than just a runner.   Identify and honor those things that truly define me. Not get caught up associating my self-worth with the activities I participate in.  The miles I run don’t make me a good person, they don’t change the world, they don’t make a person feel loved, and they’re not my last thought at night when I think about what really went right that day. 

Thanks dear friends for all the kind words I’ve received – you all clearly know how important my running and training is to me.  And thanks to this adversity I am reminded that though I love to run, I’m not just a runner.  I’m a dreamer. A lover. A giver. A creative. An athlete. A thinker. A leader.  And a student.    

 

When The Wheels Fall Off

In my most recent post I announced my big goal of attempting to land myself in the top 10 women finishers ever in the FANS 12 Hour Ultra Race.  I have a very elaborate training plan.  I have taken my nutrition, strength, flexibility, balance, sleep, and even natural energy patterns into consideration.  And you know what?  Even with all that planning, shit happens.  You can’t control everything, and to be completely honest, there’s very little you control at all. 

Tuesday night I ran with my usual group of awesome runner friends on a route that should have been a breeze.  It was a 6+ mile route around places I was familiar, with familiar faces, and is something I had done countless times before.  Slam dunk, right?  Wrong.  WAY wrong.  The entire run felt like I was going uphill, through quicksand with twin toddlers pulling at my legs.  I was flat out miserable.  Lungs burning. Hands freezing.  Feet barely getting off the ground.  I was thankful that I had a great guy running with me that helped me stay focused, and even remind me that it was great practice for having to run uncomfortable during next year’s 12 hour event.  It was my most difficult run in years. 

I also currently have a few people in my life that I care very much about that are struggling with their own sets of challenges.  Addictions, relationship troubles, you name it.  Things are heavy in my circle right now.  And they are challenges that I can’t do anything about.  As much as I like to swoop in and make person’s day, fix a problem, and come to the rescue, there was nothing I could do for any of them. 

As I proceeded to stew about my horrible run, and these sweet people that are struggling, it wasn’t until I took a step back, caught up on some sleep, and did some good self-care, that it hit me.   I was focused on what I don’t want.  I was thinking about how badly I didn’t want another horrible run like that, about how I didn’t want these people to feel alone or helpless.  I felt frozen in that line of thinking.  Until this morning. 

I woke up with resolve to attack my day and get my head on straight.  I wanted to focus on what I could control - my actions and my intentions. Time to think about what I DO want.  I want to have solid workouts, so I need to stick to proper nutrition, hydration, and sleep.  I want the people I’m concerned about to know that I care, that I’m in their corner, and that I will continue to be there.  THAT I can control, because that’s on me.  Those are things I can have influence over.  It feels so much better to DO something than be frozen in what you’re afraid of, or what you desperately don’t want to happen. 

Tonight I get back up on the running ‘horse’ so to speak, and know that I’ve taken better care of myself to increase my likelihood of a better run.  And if for some reason it’s a struggle again, I will rely on the wonderful people around me to help me get through it, and I’ll focus on what I can do to make the next one better. 

I will also reach out to those people that have been on my mind, and remind them that I’m thinking of them.  It doesn’t solve the problem, but it is something I can do and feel good about.  And that is a step in a much more powerful direction.

If this resonates with you and you could use a mental boost to switch you own gears, give this a listen.  Peter Sage is awesome. 

http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/peter-sage-certainty-myth-episode-330/

Shoe Update : Ready To Change Our Relationship Status

When I wrote a few days ago I told you all about my sad departure with my beautiful hot pink Asics Nimbus (Nimbus's, Numbuses, Nimbi, Nimbusss... whatever - the plural of Nimbus).  I had begrudgingly traded them in for the Asics Cumulus.  I tried my first run with them this weekend, and I didn't get a block away before I knew I couldn't stand them.  I guess in dating terms it would be the equivalent of getting up and walking out before your drink even hits the table.  What can I say, when you know, you know.  And I knew I didn't like them at all.

I threw on my last pair of training shoes since there's still some life in them and cruised around in the snow for 5 miles while singing along to a play list of Christmas music, Don Omar, and John Mayer.  I was finalizing my list of other shoe options on Monday before heading to Movin Shoes when it dawned on me that I could just try the Nimbus in a size bigger.  Not sure why I didn't think of that before?  I've been an 8 1/2 for as long as I can remember, but if moving into a 9 allows me to stay in my long-term shoe relationship with the Nimbus, then I was all for it!

My pal Tom was working that day and quick to accommodate my request for my dream shoe in a 9.  He knew me well enough to forewarn me that I wouldn't like the color, but at that point I just wanted something that hugged my feet in all the right places and made me feel like I was running on air.  When I opened the box I did cringe for a moment, but at least they weren't dark blue.  (I don't know why, but I really dislike that color on anything but jeans.)  I put on one of the new shoes, and kept my old training shoe on the other foot so I could feel a direct comparison.  After just about two minutes on their treadmill I knew - It was the one.  No pressure on the bridge of my foot, I could cross my toes without straining to do it, and the heel felt great.  SOLD!

Tonight I finally pounded out a 5 miler on my treadmill to start breaking them in and it felt great! As you can see below, even my dog approves.  I am happy with my new relationship and am ready to make it official - I'm ready to call them 'the ones' for the next 3 months before I start to rotate them out for a newer version. 

Dresden giving me his seal of approval.
 

A Time to Give Back, and a Time to be Selfish

Like anything in life, balance is a strong component of success.  I take balance pretty seriously in my work, personal, and fitness life.  But in all honesty, distance running can be a pretty selfish endeavor.  You naturally become very self-focused as you dissect your diet, training plans, goals, aches and pains…   If you’re going to make it through a training cycle in a healthy way, you have to pay a lot of attention to yourself.  The ugly part of that is that it naturally takes your focus away (at least a little bit anyway) from your other commitments – your relationships, your work, your other hobbies – there are only so many hours in the day, and if you’re spending a few hours focused on your running each day, you have to cut attention away from something else. 

I am very aware that next year with the tentative goals I have that some other things will drop down my priority list, but I am ready for that. I have a tendency to train hard with high mileage about every other year, and in those ‘off’ years it is important for me to give back to the sport of running.  Training hard every year would get old for me, plus, I would probably die of boredom if I had to focus on myself for so long! 

The most significant way that I give back to the sport is by coaching at the high school level.  I have been blessed to have some amazingly talented girls come through the program, but what really excites me about coaching is the work I do with the girls that are brand new to running.  Maybe they were cut from volleyball and still wanted to do a sport, or maybe they’re just trying it out because their older sister ran previously.  Either way, I love coaching those girls.  It is most important to me (more so than winning and getting the girls to hit their goal times) to lay the foundation for these girls to have a healthy relationship with running, and with their bodies.  Running is special in that it is something you can do for your entire life, and I really believe that those first formative years in the sport are detrimental.  We’ve all seen women who have an unhealthy relationship with running  - they use it as a punishment on their body, or as a tool for regulation of their caloric intake.  Anything I can do to bring out the fun in running, and promote a healthy partnership of working with your body and not against it to succeed is a victory in my book, even if it doesn’t culminate in a team win at a meet. 

Speaking of team wins...  here is a pic of my girls winning their Sectional
meet for the first time EVER this past Saturday.

 

 

                Another way I love to give back is by answering people’s running questions, helping with training plans, and giving them tips on injuries, gear, routes, and mental strength.  Running is accessible to everyone, so if I can be an approachable resource to help get people out the door and on the way to discovering their own strength, that’s awesome.  I get really excited to hear about my friends and co-workers running their own races – it reminds me of the excitement of tackling a new distance and meeting a goal you weren’t sure you could attain.

 

A group of my lovely running friends.

                So now as my cross country season winds down (this is the last week with the State meet this Saturday) I am mentally prepping myself to get back to running solo, paying attention to my body’s feedback instead of dialing into the aches and pains my athletes have, and am really looking forward to focusing on my nutrition the next six weeks or so.  I recently read Scott Jurek’s book Eat and Run and want to explore some different, plant based foods to add into my already pretty healthy eating habits.  If you know me at all, I am not a cook.  I would live off of toast, soup and cookies all year if it was acceptable – so I want to take some of my rest cycle time to try some new things.  I have some tempeh in the fridge that I want to use to make a recipe that was in Runner’s World a couple months ago.  I'm shooting for cooking / trying something new every week.

                So as I get ready from the transition of being a coach for my girls, to being more focused on my own miles, I am happy to have spent most of this year investing in other people’s running goals.  It gives me lots to think about when I’m training on my own, and also provides a lot of inspiration as I think about my athletes and friends, and the struggles they have shared with me. It’s like they are giving back to me when they probably aren’t even aware that they are.  To me it feels like the perfect balance of giving and self-focus.  So thank you to my athletes and my running friends who inspire me through the darkest parts of the trail.

 

Me with an athlete I used to coach who I consider to be a sister. :)

 

 

5 Tips to Make Your Long Run Not Feel So Looooooong.

We, as distance runners, have all been there.  You can have three weeks worth of solid, enjoyable runs in a row. The weather is your friend, all the walk lights are in your favor, your legs have bounce, your favorite running clothes always seem to be clean, and even dogs smile at you as you effortlessly glide by.  And then it happens.  You hit a point in your long run where you think the miles on your gps are going backwards, you can barely lift your knees up, and you want to be anywhere other than where you are.  Those are the most difficult runs for me.  Now, 'long' is a subjective term, depending on what kind of running you're into.  For some people a long run is three miles, for others, it's 50.  At any rate, that weighed down feeling happens to all of us.  So here are a few things that I do to make the best of those long miles.

This was from one of my worst long runs on record.  Yes, it was so bad I had to take a picture.  It was THAT bad.

1 - Change up the route.  I am shocked by the amount of people I speak to that run the same routes, in the same places, year in and year out.  Anyone would get bored with that!  If you do the same urban route to fit in your 20 miler, think outside the box and look for an easy trail system - around Madison I love Military Ridge.  It's flat, straight, and soft footing which is great for the legs.  It may feel counterproductive to hop in the car to drive somewhere to go for a run, but the change in surroundings can make a huge difference.  I also like to go to my hometown a couple times a year and log miles on a 'memory lane run' going past my old house, schools, high school hangouts.  It's a great way to let the miles slide by while keeping your mind occupied with happy things.

2 - Get a sidekick.  If you're a super long distance runner, you might not have friends that are able to go the whole distance with you, so save them for the end.  Even if you are just meeting someone for the last 5 miles, it's worth it.  You can finally talk to someone besides yourself and they can also have a fresh water bottle and snack for you.  It's the best of both worlds!

Having a friend run with me in the dark hours of my relay helped me get through that last leg
 (which was 24.4 miles by the way...yikes).

3 - Give yourself something to look forward to.  People respond well to incentive - for me when I'm running it's a food or drink treat, or allowing myself music.  For a while I'd allow myself half a Red Bull and a handful of Cheez Its at mile 15.  It made a big difference to know that I had something that I really liked on the horizon, and the last few miles cruised by once I had my mood lifted from my sugar and salt injection. 

4 - Break it up.  Running a loooong way on the same terrain, with the same surroundings gets old. Well, at least mundane.  So think about what you can work into your routes to get some variety.  Here in Madison I can plan a 20 miler that includes lake views, hills, flats, ritzy residential, Big Ten campus, prairies and woods.  With variety like that you can split up the long run into shorter parts that are all just different enough to keep you interested.  If at all possible, I try and have the 'natural beauty' segments towards the end.  Nature rejuvenates me in all contexts so to catch some fresh air off the lakes and float through the floor of a pine forest refreshes me even on the worst of days.



View from a long run outside Tucson in April, 2011

5 - Mind games.  This is my favorite, and you can do this on the fly whenever you decide you need it.  Almost all of my long runs have been alone, so I resorted to brain games using the alphabet a few years ago.  All you do is go from A - Z and name a city that starts with each letter, then girls names, then boys names, last names, foods you like with each letter, foods you dislike, songs that start with each letter, bands...  It can be really fun!  I can recall some delirious moments where I start laughing out loud while mumbling these games to myself.  One particular laugh fest came when I decided my favorite boys B name was Barkley.  Yes, Barkley.  (I never said you did your best thinking 20 miles in on an 80° day.)

My Favorite Things for a Long Run (like Oprah's favorite things, but better :)

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my next steps in my running career, tweaking my training plan for this winter, taking inventory of what my goals are, and also getting excited to log some serious miles starting in just a few months.  This lead me to think of my favorite things to bring along with me on a long trail run.  I'm sure most of you have caught at least a glimpse of Oprah's favorite things?  Well, this is my version, I just can't afford to give all these things away to each of my readers. :) 

1 - One of my absolute favorite things in my arsenal of gear, are my sleeves.  It can be tricky to layer in fall and spring when temperatures can fluctuate, especially if you're out running for 4 or 5 hours at a time.  They eliminate the need for a long sleeve shirt, and they're easy to pull down around your wrists, and double as wearable Kleenex.  That comes in VERY handy.  :)

 

Not even my cool sleeves can make me look any less ridiculous here.

2 - My Camelbak.  I have tried fuel belts, hand held bottles, one bottle belts, and they just don't work for me.  I also tried a couple different kind of Camelbaks, and then I found the one.  The reservoir is lower on your back and wraps around your waist, which contours naturally with your anatomy, instead of feeling like you have a waterlogged tree trunk running up your spine.  It also has a few pockets that on the straps on your chest and waist so you don't have to take it off to get to what you need.  It gets old fast whenever you have to undo your straps and take your Camelbak off just to get at your second sleeve of gels or stash your gloves.

3 - Speaking of gloves, I love my glittens. (Those cool hybrids of gloves and mittens). I have a pair of Manzella's and I've somehow been able to hang on to them for three full years.  They're breathable, just warm enough, and the wrists aren't super snug.  It might all be in my head, but I feel like my wrists get annoyed when there's too much pressure on them.  And then my fingers get antsy. Maybe it's just me? 

4 - My North Face Flight Series jacket.  If you're not familiar with this line from North Face, it's a series of light, windproof, really quick drying gear.  I have a turquoise one I bought a couple years ago on a whim and it was the best impulse buy I have ever made.  Not only is it my favorite color, but it is super breathable, it packs super small so it's easy to carry, it's got those fun thumb holes, and the ends of the sleeves fold over into impromptu mittens.  What more could you ask for!  I love that thing. You can see it in the picture at the top of my blog.  That jacket has gone everywhere with me.

5 - Reflective gear as a whole.  I've got a nice little collection of lights - most are Nathan or Amphipod, an Amphipod vest, and lots of velcro reflective stuff.  Having been hit by a car in college while running, I like to be really visible, especially in those winter months where it's dark most of the time.  I probably border on looking like a running rave, but I'm okay with that. 


Rocking the night gear look - of course with my favorite sleeves!

6 - Chicken broth.  Back in 2011 I had a lot of problems with cramping and I could never get my sodium levels right, until I discovered the miracle that is known as chicken broth.  It can be a little tough to execute, because I really don't like it cold, but if you heat it up to where it's practically scalding, and then stash it along a route you're doing a few loops on in a thermos, it works just fine.  I find that even if I'm really nauseous, I always welcome the flavor of it, and I never had any cramping issues after that.

7 - My iPod filled with podcasts and movies.  Sometimes to get out of your own head, it helps to hear what's going on in someone else's.  I'm hooked on listening to any podcast from Trail Runner Nation and The Runners Roundtable.  I find myself laughing out loud, learning things, and feeling like I'm surrounded by friends even when I'm not.  As for movies, I love to listen to my favorite movies to pass the time.  There's quite a few running related movies you can rent on iTunes, so that can be a fun way to keep entertained when the miles are going by slowly. My absolute favorite is Running the Sahara with my favorite altruistic ultramarathoner, Ray Zahab. It's a documentary about three strong-willed ultra runners from very different backgrounds, that set out on a journey to run across the entire Sahara desert.  The story is incredible, and the soundtrack does wonders to help motor you through your long run. 

8 - Body glide.  I swear by using this on my feet when I'm doing anything longer than ten or so.  For a long time I had problems with sporadic blisters and black toe nails.  I still get the occasional black toe nail, but ever since I put Body Glide on the ends of each toe before I put my socks and shoes on it has made a world of difference.  It's been nice to not feel blisters burst, or nails pull away from my toes when I'm on the trail and still have ten more miles to go. 

9 - This is a bonus one, and only for my special occasions.  If I have a really long event planned, I will bring some emotional ammunition.  As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I coach cross country at a local high school.  These girls are such a source of inspiration for me, and when I'm out running my miles, I think of them, and look forward to telling them how it went.  When I was preparing for my North Face 50k in 2011 I brought a bunch of pieces of colored paper to a pasta dinner we had and asked them to write me words of encouragement on them.  I wanted to have them with me (in one of the front pockets of my Camelbak) so if I really started to flounder, I could pull one out and read it for a boost.  I didn't have to resort to reading them while I was running, but I really enjoyed reading them once I finished my race.  Just having those notes along for the run made me feel like I had the strength of my whole team out there with me. 

So these are a few of my long trail run must haves.  If there's anything you don't leave home without I'd love to hear about it.  We're a pretty quirky bunch and it's fun to hear what other people head out the door with!

The Pieces Are Falling Into Place

As I mentioned earlier, I love putting together a training plan.  I've been thinking a lot about what I want to accomplish next year, how much time I want to spend on training, and what my big picture of running should look like.  The things I want to work into my program are the start of back to back long run training, keeping my weekday workouts very high quality and time efficient, and to have balance in my week with consistent yoga and running drills. 

I have never done back to back long runs in the past, but would like to incorporate those in later next year if I do decide to commit to the 50 mile race at the North Face Endurance Challenge.  I think I've figured out a moderated way to work that in for my 50K training.   Here's what I think my training weeks will look like:

Saturday - long-ish run of 60% of the distance of my actual long that week
Sunday - long run. 
Monday - shake out / recovery run of 25% of the distance of my long run and yoga
Tuesday - speed work and drills
Wednesday - yoga
Thursday - hills and drills
Friday - off

I still need to think on this to see how well it realistically fits into my life in general, but I think it's a great rough draft.  One last thing I like to add in to my training is to do a marathon as my last long run. I like to do that to have people around, and to also rely on aid stations a little bit so I don't have to carry all my stuff with me.  I thought that finding a marathon in early April would be really difficult, and I'd have to travel south to find one, but I was happy to find the Trailbreaker Marathon April 5th in Waukesha!  That felt like the last big piece of my training puzzle. 

Now that I have things generally figured out, I have to think about how I want to structure my workouts leading up to the start of my training.  I have been spending some of my time lately listening to podcasts on Trail Runner Nation, and there was one I listened to the other day that really hit home.  It was about rest.  Something mentioned was the importance of being somewhat out of shape when we start a training cycle.  I, like most runners, like to get in shape before I get in shape.  As Greg McMillan so expertly explained, it benefits us to rest and give our body a true break before we start a training cycle.  If we get in shape and then go into a training plan, that's often when we plateau or over train - that has been a habit of mine.  I like to prepare - A LOT, so trying this approach to truly scale way back from early November to mid/late December will be a test for me, but I think it will give me a really solid platform to start building on.  Let's hope you are steering me in the right direction Mr. McMillan!  :)   It feels GREAT to have this to look forward to right now. 

Here's the link to the podcast I mentioned - it really helped me to understand the importance of true rest.  Lots to soak up in this one - Trail Runner Nation ROCKS. 
http://trailrunnernation.com/2013/06/give-it-a-rest-with-coach-greg-mcmillan/

Fun fall-like pic from a few years back.  LOVE the changing leaves this week!
 

It's Time to Settle the Score

If there's one thing I love, it's picking out a goal, planning how I'm going to reach that goal, and then moving forward with as close to flawless execution as possible.  Whether it's a goal that pertains to a race, learning a new word every day for a month, or getting through the grocery store in less than 23 minutes without forgetting anything on my mental list, I'm all over it.  I love to plan. I thrive on details and preparing myself for any 'what ifs' that may come up along the way.  If I am preparing for a race I will train in all types of weather, purposely run when I am most tired to get comfortable running uncomfortable, and put extra weight in the pack I'm carrying just so it feels lighter on race day.  If I'm trying to set a land speed record in the grocery store I go through my mental list in the parking lot, in order of the layout of the store, and think of a pattern around the store that seems most efficient. My appropriate check card is the first one in my wallet, and I leave the phone in the car to minimize distractions along the way.  It's just what I do.

So as you can imagine, if I am on a roll towards my perceived flawless execution, and a large scale snafu pops up to derail me, it's hard to let go.  I can get past blowing my grocery shopping goal time because I ran into an old friend and we stood yapping about everything under the sun for 12 minutes while blocking the granola bar section from countless shoppers.  No big deal.  But when a road block pops up in training for a big race - that lingers.  Apparently for years.

In my last post I eluded to the fact that I have finally set my sights on my next milestone race.  It is the one race goal of mine that didn't come to fruition, because of a hard headed mistake I made in training.  My drive to stick to my mental plan was my detriment back in 2009.  Let me briefly give you the back story.

In 2008 I recognized that fact that I loved running on trails better than anything else. They challenged me, they renewed me, and they were often times unpredictable and difficult.  Anyone who knows me knows that I love the unpredictable and difficult.  I had done a fair amount of large scale road races at typical distances and was ready for a new challenge, so I set my sights on my first ultra marathon.  A 50K trail run in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, that was scheduled to take place in April of 2009.  True to form, I did my research, to read up on the course, and I created a training plan to follow that would include lots of long runs, hill work, and running in the worst of conditions so I was ready.  I even went as far as to train while always carrying a phone or iPod capable of taking a picture to document this journey from the beginning to the peak of my training. 

It was the day before my last long run (22 miles) and I was headed up to Chippewa Falls.  I wanted my last long run before my taper to be on the actual course so I knew what to expect come race day, three weeks later.  I stayed at the hotel I planned on staying in the night before the race, I even ate dinner at the Italian restaurant I wanted to carb load at three short weeks later.  I ordered the exact meal I planned on having on race eve.  The next morning I was suited up and out of the hotel at the same time I'd have to leave to reach the starting line in time.  And then I saw it.  It had snowed.  The forecast showed a possibility for a few light overnight showers, and instead I walked outside to see 2 inches of fresh snow clinging to everything around me. Including my car I didn't even have a scraper for. I did my best to scrape off the windows with my drivers license all the while swearing under my breath.  'F***ing snow, trying to mess up my last long run.  D*** it.  I'm running these 22 miles at 7am no matter what.  I can't control the weather and it's sure as hell not going to control me.'  Are you starting to see how stubborn I can be? 

I drove to the park and was honestly amazed at how beautiful it was.  Snow clung to every branch, and every mail box. This is literally a picture from the drive that morning on the way to start my run.

 

I didn't have my YakTrax with me but decided that slowing down my usual pace would be enough of an adjustment to deal with the extra snow on the trails.  I did the loop in the prairie area first which didn't prove to be too difficult, and then made my way into the woods where I was met with many  quick elevation changes and more technical footing than I had anticipated.  Early on my quadriceps burned because I was picking my feet up higher than normal because of the snow, but I prided myself on being tough and not letting a little bit of mother nature deter my plans.

 

After only a few miles the trail lead to an overlook that gave me an amazing view of a lake with fresh animal tracks dotting the edges.  It looked like heaven to me, and I embraced the solitude.  This was an out and back course so I had no worries about getting lost, my food supply was holding up nicely, and since I was the only person out there I sang aloud to myself when the mood stuck without a trace of embarrassment.  And then it started.  It warmed up just a little bit, enough to make the bottom of the snow slippery on all the dead leaves that had been sitting there since fall.  The trail got narrower, and instead of just going up and down, it would tip to the left or right.  I began sliding regularly to either side.  Once even falling and starting to slip down the side of a ravine.  I kept my hard headed attitude on and plowed forward. I was only 4 miles from my turn around point.

 

Half a mile later I noticed the start of a nagging pain on the outside of my right leg.  Through my years of running I knew that was the area that housed my IT band.  I tried to run more carefully and anticipate areas that may slide more than others, but mother nature was having fun making me slide, trip, and stumble. Repeatedly.  These falters upset my regular running rhythm to the point that I was running angry.  I just wanted to reach the turn around and get the hell out of there.  

 

Finally I reached my 11 mile marker and could turn around. But not without snapping a quick photo of me with my best attempt at a smile.

 

I ate a gel, gently stretched out my legs, mentally regrouped as much as I could, and then was headed back the way I came.  5 minutes into my 11 mile journey back to the car I felt it.  A sharp, burning pain quickly make its way up the outside of my right leg.  It came on so suddenly that I yelped out loud. I shook it off and continued forward, and another couple minutes later it happened again.  This happened every 2 to 3 minutes for the next 20 or so before it began to radiate all the way up the outside of my leg, through the back of my hip, and settle into my lower back.   I couldn't believe it.  It was so painful that it took my breath away and was causing my leg to lock up. 

 

I had an emergency Red Bull in my pack, along with my cell phone and some Cheez Its.  I stopped and slammed the Red Bull, called a good friend, and began walking and talking while munching on my Cheez Its.  My friend told me to take my time and listen to my body - I would make it to the car eventually, and to call him when I got there.  I calmly put my phone in my pack and did an assessment of my situation. I could barely bend my right knee, so running any of the remaining 8+ miles seemed out of the question.  I had two bars left on my cell phone, minimal food, and was starting to get chilly.  I didn't bring enough layers to stroll through the woods, only enough to maintain the perfect temperature while running.  My only option was to get back to the car as quickly as I could, while incurring as little extra damage to my IT band as possible while not letting my core temperature drop. 

 

This was work mode.  Getting back to the car was my job and I was on the clock.  The Red Bull did the trick to boost my energy, and I was focused on finishing.  As I hiked as briskly as I could I felt my IT band ease up just a little bit so I was more able to bend my leg.  After a few minutes of minor relief I decided to try and slowly run on it.  I got about two minutes in before my leg seized up again, taking my breath away, and leaving me hunched over and shocked at its intensity.  But then the pain subsided rather quickly.  I started to run again, and a few minutes later, another intense shooting pain.  I completed the rest of the miles back to the car with the Quasimodo style limp run and necessary walk breaks.  It was awful.  My Saturn Vue had never looked so inviting.  A 22 mile training run had taken more than six hours.  I had lost.  That section of the Ice Age Trail had kicked my ass, and karate chopped my right in the IT band. 

 

In the few days after this run it became very apparent that I had done serious damage.  I could barely walk, let alone run.  As 7 days with pain turned into 10, I knew the verdict.  That I would not be competing in the 50k I trained all winter long for.  On paper my training plan I constructed was flawless (or so I thought).  The miles were spot on, my hill work was great, I had been stretching and getting enough sleep.  And then my stubbornness and inability to see when flexibility was needed ended up costing my the race, and almost 3 months of running. 

 

So now, I have set my next goal.  To have a re-match with the Chippewa Moraine 50K next April.  I will again have a thorough training plan, but I will know when I need to improvise. I know I need to include agility work and running drills so I'm better prepared for the side to side slipping that is likely to happen again out there.  I will be better prepared for the elements, and I won't be so rigid that I force myself through acute pain. 

 

That is the only race I trained for and didn't get to toe the line, so after learning this tough lesson, it's time to settle the score.

 

 

 

 

Point of Impact.... on Relationships

I often find myself mulling over different topics related to running whether it's trends in race popularity, fads in equipment, dynamics within running groups, or a zillion other possibilities.  This past week I have given quite a bit of thought to training cycles and their impact on the relationships you are in at that time. 

I'm not sure about all of you, but I have quite a few different groups of friends, and each group has their own thread of commonality that holds it together.  There's my high school friends who seem to come together mainly for special events, my good time friends that are always up for meeting at a brewery or a happy hour, my running friends that obviously enjoy running together (and sometimes going out for food and margaritas afterwards to rehash everything that happened on the run). In the context of the training, depending on how involved you make your schedule with long runs, speed work, agility, yoga, and core work - that inevitably leads to less and less time with friends that can't overlap in that process.  It is much easier to fit in time with friends when it is your running (or even just health oriented) friends because they can take part in the process.  Historically for me, the time available for friends that exist beyond the fringe of a healthy lifestyle unfortunately diminishes as you creep up into those higher mileage weeks.

The relationship most suited to be under this microscope would be the romantic relationship you're in, assuming you are in one while training.  That is the person you most likely spend a majority of your free time with, so they are the ones most immediately affected when you decide to train for a half, marathon, ultra, IronMan...  How many of you have come home excited about a race you want to train for and can't wait to tell your partner about it?  With wild eyes you tell them all about the event, when it is, how you came to the decision to train for it, and what approach you want to take with your training, all to be met with their reaction of 'really?  You want to do another one of these?  But you just did __________ race three months ago?'  And in that moment, your balloon of excitement is popped.  That interaction lays the groundwork for a few months of eye rolls and comments under their breath when you say you can't go out Friday night to celebrate a person's birthday because you have a 20 miler in the morning, or you want to stay in on a certain night because you're in the middle of a 75 mile week and you're exhausted. 

I can see two sides to this recurring issue in my past.  One being I really wasn't very balanced in my approach to my life in general at those points.  When I'm excited about a goal I am VERY excited about it and have really intense focus.  I can admit that I would place training in higher regard than those relationships at the time.  The men in my life understandably felt second rate because, well, they were.  The other side in my mind is that I clearly enjoyed running more than the relationship.  I cared about it more, I wanted to spend more time with my relationship with running, and I was okay with that.  No amount of eye rolling or passive aggressive comments were going to keep me from meeting my goal.  I think that if I really was invested in those other relationships I would have found a happy medium in my training and mental attention.  I would have incorporated them into the workouts by having them crew for me or meet me for a fun meal afterwards.  But I didn't do that. I just didn't want to. 

This has all been on my mind because just this past week I have decided on my next running goal (to be discussed in a later post) and it is a sizable one that will require a solid 5 months of training, and lots of miles.  Like any recurring situations, you have a conditioned response.  As soon as I decided on this goal and became very excited about it, my conditioned response of 'oh no, what will he think about it?  What kind of arguments are we going to have because I need to start seriously training again?' came up in my internal dialogue.  Almost immediately after the voice in the back of my head finished that last sentence I acknowledged how ridiculous it was.  For the first time ever I am entering into a training cycle in the context of a relationship with a person that is very healthy, very communicative, and he actually encourages me to race and push myself.  I am looking forward to training to meet this next goal within the framework of a relationship that is encouraging and positive.  I can admit that I want him to be a part of it too - I'd love for him to crew for me and help me lay out my gear the night before a long run, and share my secrets of my favorite pre-run foods. 

Though my time with everyone in my life becomes somewhat abbreviated during those higher mileage weeks and months, I feel fortunate to have family and friends and a boyfriend who will still cheer me on and be there for me on race day.  It is those people who your mind wanders to 25 miles into a 50k that keep you going when you're losing your zeal and your grace.  And it is those people who you want to celebrate with as soon as you cross that finish line.  They have an inexplicable impact on your training even if they are not out there on the trails with you in the months leading up to the event. If you have any comments about things you have done to incorporate your loved ones into your training I would love to hear it! 

These are some of my wonderful running friends!