Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Gift of Measuring Back

Today I had a moment where I was home for lunch walking my dog and I was ELATED.   I was basking in the beautiful day, walking in my neighborhood that is gorgeous, feeling excited about a great meeting I just had at work that is an amazing opportunity for my writing, enjoying my lack of financial stress, and reveling in the happiness that I felt independent of outside circumstances. 

I mean, I felt so happy inside and out – I think of that scene from Singin’ in the Rain! Now I wasn’t dancing, but I was so full of appreciation for where my life is at and all the things that are going my way! 

Then of course that little voice pops up in the back of my head – ‘how is all this good stuff happening for you right now?  You don’t want to celebrate too much because people will potentially be jealous or think it was all luck and not your hard work that got you here.’ 

Thankfully those little voices are easier for me to keep at bay than they used to be.  All I had to do was ‘measure back’.  I often think back to where I was at 6 months ago, 1 year ago, 5 years ago – and take an inventory of where I was then compared to where I’m at now. 

So let’s take that trip back in time.  (Be forewarned, it’s not pretty.)  6 months ago it was December 9th. 

I was 4 days into getting to know my new dog.   

I was 22 days into grieving the loss of my beloved dog Dresden, who had a horrible death due to an aggressive tumor.
Gut wrenching.

And I was less than two months into grieving the loss of a relationship that I fully felt was ‘the one’.

It wasn’t good.  At all.

I recently came across a journal entry from mid-January where I was celebrating having my first day without crying in a few months, so I know on December 9th I was in the thick of all that. 

Now, this topic isn’t glamorous.  This isn’t the kind of throwback that we typically share on Facebook on Thursdays.  We’re much more apt to highlight the good times, and our own personal highlight reel.  Fuck the highlight reel.  It may be more socially acceptable, but this is the stuff that GROWTH is made of.  The nasty, gritty, knock you on your ass stuff. 

People often keep these times quiet and only share with a few close friends, but it’s important for me to acknowledge that awful time, while celebrating the current. 

I know I wouldn’t be in this position if it wasn’t for the dark end of 2014.  It made me set goals, albeit small ones.  Those goals started out as ‘keep yourself together at work today’, or ‘send a nice card to someone who doesn’t expect it’.  They slowly grew as I grew.

Measuring back allows you to see how you've grown, what choices you made then that put you where you are now.  Measuring back to a time where I was so low that it felt like a survival skill to set small goals for each day, allows for me to really appreciate every facet of my world right now.  The people in it, the things on my calendar, my health, my everything. 



 

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

National Running Day

I have consistently been running for 25 years now, and over time my relationship with running has changed countless times.  In stressful moments it’s my outlet, in the middle of winter it’s my enemy, on cool spring nights it’s my best friend. 

On this day, June 5, 2015, as I celebrate National Running Day, here are my top five reasons why I run right now.

5 – To be Social – to cover miles and chatter away about anything and everything – work, guys, ideas, frustrations, funny stories, it’s all fair game. 

4 – To be Alone – I still struggle with turning down invitations to do things when I’d rather be alone, but when I have a run scheduled, I feel very comfortable saying ‘Sorry, I’m doing an 11 miler that night!  My race is less than two weeks away and I want to be as prepared as possible.’  On those days I’ll often leave the iPod and gps watch at home and just go – wherever I want, at whatever pace I want, think about everything or nothing, and soak up the surroundings.  This is often times the fastest and most exhilarating way for me to regain my balance after a long day.  I’d probably be sitting in a jail cell somewhere if I didn’t do this on a regular basis….

3 – To Feel Alive – I love the feeling of not just occupying the space within my body, but being fully engaged in it!  I’m talking sore legs, winded, tight core from yoga the day before, skin feels on fire because it’s 80° out kind of engaged.  This skeleton, skin and muscle of ours goes with us everywhere we go for our entire lives, and to be able to run and feel like I’m shooting electricity through the whole thing and lighting up my mind in the process feels nothing short of AMAZING.  To me, that’s what life feels like.

2 – Adventure! - There’s something about running without intention of where you’re going to stumble across a great book store, coffee shop, beautiful house, or expansive park.  I love to run in new places rather than drive or bike because you feel interactive with the landscape. I say hi to everyone I see (and their dogs) and I LOVE that.  I’ve run into old friends, secret trails, amazing mountain views, moose, and protests to name a few, all because I set out on foot without a direction.  In just a month I’ll be having countless running adventures in Italy and I can’t wait to see where my feet and my faulty internal compass take me!

1 – Because I Can. - I am very aware that age will catch up with me at some point (if I am fortunate enough to live that long), and my long strides will turn into a shuffle.  My running shoes will be replaced with sensible support shoes. (Okay, maybe not actually.  I can see myself in Asics at 90!)  My strong shoulders will eventually weaken, and my sweat will come from walking up the stairs instead of bounding through the mountains.  Aging is inevitable, and running allows me to tap into my own fountain of youth,  run up the stairs two at a time, carry the 40 pound bag of dog food through Menards, help old ladies carry their groceries out to their car, and quickly dart across the road to beat the traffic light.  I embrace this agility and ability every. Single. Day.  Pushing my limits keeps me young, vibrant, inspiring and human.  And I will strive to do this until I no longer can. 

Happy National Running Day my friends.  Run short, run long, just run.  Because you can.  See you on the trail.
 

Monday, June 1, 2015

What? You Mean Now I Actually Have to DO Something??

Well my friends, this is my fifth and final piece in this series on how to level up your mindset.  We’ve been in the trenches talking about self-limiting speech, ways we get caught in our thoughts and go a little nuts, and the importance of choosing who we spend time with.  Each week I’ve given different ways to challenge yourselves, try something new, and focus your attention in a new way.  So now what? 

Now it’s time to take action, and do something. Many of the wonderful readers of my blogs strive for perfection.  They want to be the best they can, produce flawless results, have perfect children, write the best thank you card – you name it, they want to be perfect at it.  But with a goal of perfection, often comes paralysis.  You don’t want to do a single thing unless you have ALL the information, have thought about every which way of doing something, and you finally feel like you can do something impeccably.  Does this sound like you?  Have you read my series every week and given it some serious thought, but still find yourself doing the exact same things you were doing 5 weeks ago?  Or even 5 years ago?

What we do now is to make a step forward.  ANY step forward.  If you know you are one of those people that needs a mountain of information before taking action, give yourself a vacation from that for now.  I like to think about the movie What About Bob?  Remember when his doctor told him to take a vacation from his problems?  Well now I, Dr. Tracey, give you a prescription to take a vacation from your perfectionism!

The beauty of deciding to do even one small thing to get moving, is makes it that much easier to keep taking steps!  We all know that ‘a body at rest stays at rest, a body in motion stays in motion’ thanks to Newton’s Laws of Motion, and we are no exception!  Getting the gusto to do just one thing differently when you’ve been stuck in your ways is tough, but it gets easier once you get a little momentum going.  SO much easier. 

One of my favorite quotes is ‘if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.’  So true!  If you want a better life for yourself, a more positive way to look at things, a more supportive system of friends in your life, decide this week to take a step!

I am going to share three different steps I have taken in three different categories in my life that have led to big changes in the long run.  There are clearly infinite things you can decide to do, but here’s my contribution to get your ball rolling.

Finances:  Two years ago I decided to get more serious about living below my means, eliminating debt, and creating a better monthly cash flow.  I started with the simple intention for one day to not use my credit cards.  That’s it.  One day not using credit.  Then the second day I had the same intention.  I did that for a while and then I set another intention in place – to pay at least some extra money down on a credit account every other week.  Even if it’s only $5.  Now two years later, I am extremely happy to share that I paid of my last remaining credit card debt today.  My initial step was so incredibly small, and now here I sit with the amazing feeling of knowing my credit accounts are all at $0.00!  Those small steps over time add up to significance.

Writing:  I have loved writing since I was a kid, and even graduated from UW Madison with an English degree.  I absolutely enjoy the writing experience, but never felt comfortable sharing it with people.  I felt really comfortable writing notes to friends, or lengthy letters to my old military boyfriend in my early 20’s, but the idea of putting my thoughts out there for multiple people scared the living shit out of me!  No joke.  Five years ago I decided to start my first blogging project, and I only told maybe 5 people.  I did a few entries before my fear of people’s judgement overrode my desire to get my writing out in a public space.  A little over a year later I did another blogging project under a different name and successfully attracted readers from across the globe! And as you know now, I have this current project which originally started as a running specific venture, but has been re-worked into a way to share my journey to Level Up in every facet of my life.  I know that at some point in my future I want to publish a book. I don’t know what it will be about, or how I’ll do it, but I do know that if I keep taking steps towards that, I’ll get there eventually.  You don’t have to know every step of how to get somewhere you want to be, you only need to figure out your next step.

Public Speaking:  Now we’re talking not just fear, but an all-out phobia.  Ever since as far as I can remember, I was petrified of speaking in front of people.  If I was in a choral concert, standing on the risers amidst all my classmates I was fine – I’d mouth the words like half my classmates and blend in like a chameleon.  But push me to the front of the room, standing at a podium with notecards and I’d lose it.  I wouldn’t feel butterflies in my stomach, I’d feel a flock of angry pelicans!   We’re talking full body shaking, ringing in the ears, heart pounding out of my chest, and mental paralysis.  It was TERRIBLE.  I made my first attempt to tackle this phobia my sophomore year of high school.  At the time Comedy Sportz was popular, and my good friend’s other brother invited me to join.  I took a leap of faith and joined, and no matter how much I’d practice, I’d throw up before each performance.  I’d lose multiple nights of sleep, be sick, and damn near give myself a heart attack, but I did it.  I was facing my fear, but I didn’t feel it dissipating.  Then in college I took an Argumentation and Debate class my senior year, only to bomb miserably in my final.  And when I say I bombed, it was BAD.  A classmate literally stopped me and asked me to sit in a chair. I was shaking so much he was afraid I was going to fall!  Then in April of 2014 I decided to join Toastmasters International.  I hold myself accountable to present something there roughly once a month, and I am SO happy to say I can get up in front of a room and present something without completely wanting to throw myself out the window!  I’m still a long ways off from commanding a room at TedX, but I’ll get there.  I know I’ll get there because I’ll keep taking action.

 

It all started with a single step! And as you can see, I fell flat sometimes too.  But in every case I dusted myself off and launched into action again.  That’s the beauty of this – just moving forward in some way, even if it doesn’t end up ‘successful’ in the general sense, doesn’t mean it was wasted effort.  It is all a chance to practice, and you can always change your mind, refine your direction, or just adjust your sails.

Thanks for all the awesome feedback on this series - it's made it an incredibly fun process, and I love that some of you felt inspired to share with me the steps you are putting into action.  We all have the power to author our own lives and I light up whenever I hear anyone tell me their story of how they're doing just that.  So THANK YOU.  

What’s coming up next…..  

I’ll be posting some entries over the upcoming four weeks about a couple races I have coming up. I decided last minute to jump into a Ragnar Relay team that needed someone to fill the shoes of a member who dropped out, so now I’m basically trying to whip myself into marathon shape over only four and a half weeks!   (Yes I’m super tired and eating everything in sight – it will be worth it though!) I also have a half marathon two weeks after that, then it’s Italian vacation time!! I’ll be doing regular posts from Italy so you can follow along with where I am and can laugh along with me at the situations I am sure to get myself into while driving through Northern Italy with only a loose itinerary for a game plan.  Ciao! J


I couldn't have said it better myself.