Sunday, April 27, 2014

Chippewa Moraine 50k Race Recap

I have been sitting here staring at my blank screen, trying to think of the best way to convey my experience in yesterday's 50k trail race.  How to really describe and get you to, as closely as I can, evoke the experience in you just by reading. But with me level of exhaustion and post race day 'stupids' as I call them, I'm struggling with it.  So I'll just start from the beginning.

Day Before Race:
My boyfriend and I started our drive north around 1 Friday afternoon, and it felt great to get on the road.  I was anxious and excited from the moment I woke up, and knew I wouldn't settle down until we were well on our way.  I nervously chattered, played eclectic songs from my iPod, and eventually we saw signs for Eau Claire and Chippewa Falls. 
Fun car ride! :)
I wanted to get my race packet first so we continued north, as the race was about 25 miles north of Chippewa Falls.  I didn't have the actual address of the nature center so I just put the name of it in my GPS and trusted the directions.  After a looooooong drive down a moderately treacherous dirt road that went past nothing that looked like a nature center, we stopped and I asked a woman who was feeding her horses for directions.  She was really friendly and helpful and before I knew it we were pulling up to our destination. 

The volunteers were great and I happily took my race packet and looked at the blown up course map to show my bf where I'd be running.  That's when I noticed that two of the aid stations were crossed out.  What??  Originally there was to be 4 aid stations on the way (two of them - the now crossed out ones- were not to be manned with volunteers, just water out there in jugs) and one at the turn around, so a total of 9 stops along the 31 mile out and back course.  Now just 5.  Yikes - that made me a little nervous. Thankfully the weather wasn't supposed to be hot at all so my one bottle I had for my waist belt should be efficient to get me to each aid station. 

From there we quickly checked into our hotel, and then drove to Draganetti's, a little Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Eau Claire.   At this point I was HUNGRY so we ordered a couple appetizers, and I had my traditional race eve glass of white wine.  The service was wonderful, the food was perfect, we had great conversation, and my race nerves were calmed.  Our meals were incredible - I had grilled chicken and spinach on capellini pasta with pomodoro sauce. Yum!
 
 Next we went back to the hotel where I showered up and organized all my things for race morning, hydrated a little more, and finished up the night by watching a couple episodes of How I Met Your Mother with the bf.  I crashed hard, but soon after started my cycle of waking up every 20 - 30 minutes or so.  I was getting excited, and was nervous that I'd over sleep, or that I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night to hydrate and eat a snack like I always do before a big race.

Race Morning:
I finally jumped out of bed ten minutes before my alarm was set to go off and started getting ready.  As soon as I got my racing clothes on I was much more calm.  After my traditional race day breakfast and two small cups of coffee, we were off.   

It was right around 40° at the starting line which was crisp but nice.  I added a light North Face long sleeve to go over my tank top and sleeves just to be safe.  I had a drop bag set for the turn around point so I could ditch it there if I needed to.  The field of roughly 225 people were chattering nervously, which I honestly don't like, so I went to the edge of the group near the few people that weren't talking about their nerves.  I like quiet time to focus before the start of a race instead of getting swept up in other people's nerves.  I knew I trained well, and I knew what my goals were (to listen to my body, walk hard up the up hills, and run the rest, and ideally negative split), and that's all I needed to think about.

The Race - First Half:
The race started about 7 minutes late, and I was ready to roll.  The first part was a steep, winding down hill (that we would be crawling up at the end to the finish ling - cruel!  But I'd wait to think about that till later) and then around a prairie type area.  We wound back around by the parked cars and then filed into the woods.  I settled in behind two guys, one who was a cyclocross racer, and the other was a long time runner who did the Chippewa 50k last year. I enjoyed their conversation, and at the same time tried to tune out the people behind me.  A man with a big booming voice was enjoying stating the obvious about everything, and I just don't like hearing a lot of words when I'm working hard.  The first aid station was about 3 miles in, where I quickly downed a Gatorade and cruised out of there in less than ten seconds or so.  I wanted to drop that group behind me and hear some other conversation. 

I don't like to talk much at all when racing trail - it distracts me and feels draining to me at times, and I knew I'd be breathing harder in the tricky sections so I wanted to save my breath.  I pictured myself as a 'ghost runner' - not talking, quiet feet, quiet breathing, and I'd pass them later on.  It helped to stick to my game plan!  I was now behind two guys that reminded me of listening to Trail Runner Nation, so I really enjoyed them.  Both were very experienced ultra runners, and have done multiple 100's.  They talked about how good they felt, and how they wanted to run the second half faster than the first.  I was a little intimidated by that, and the fact that one of them had been racing ultras since 1992, so I thought I best to let them pull ahead shortly after the 10 mile aid station.  I felt like I was running their race instead of running mine because I liked their conversation so much. I needed to re-collect myself and fuel a little extra as I was getting a little tired by then, and there was a LOT of race left.  I felt good slowing down a bit and eating and drinking extra.  I felt like I took the first half harder than I needed to, and to top it off I had 5 hard ankle rolls up to that point.  3 rolls on the right ankle, and two on the left.  The outside of my right ankle leading up towards my knee was burning quite a bit because of the severity of the last roll, so I was trying to play it safe and really watch my footing. 

The leaves on the trail made it hard to know what you were stepping on, and made the narrow, winding down hills pretty slippery.  Overall there were a lot more runnable sections of trail than I remember and that helped to give me more of a rhythm. 

After mile 12 I was really fixated on getting to that turn around point.  I had a Red Bull and an Aleve in my drop bag, and I really wanted them both.  I never take meds of any kind while racing, but with the added possibility of falling, ankle rolls, and early onset soreness in my quads I put that Aleve in there just in case. And I was SO glad I did.  After a few more miles, hopping a fence, a couple narrow bridges, and some gorgeous views I heard the cheering and knew I was just about there.  Seeing the top of the tent through the trees put a huge smile on my face and I was SO relieved to be there.  I took off the long sleeve I wanted to ditch 14 miles earlier and slammed down the Red Bull and took my one Aleve. I then topped off my water bottle and ate a mini Pay Day, and I was back out there.  I had been counting the places of the women in front of me and I was right around 27th overall female at that point.  I wasn't 'racing', but wanted to know where I was at in the standings.

The Race - Second Half:
On the way to the turn around the runners headed there were to yield to the runners that were heading back to the finish.  That disrupted my rhythm on the way there, so once I was heading back on my second half it felt great to have the other runners move off the trail to let me through.  I started feeling my Red Bull and Aleve kick in and I was feeling gooood.  Just to give you a mental picture, there really aren't any parts of this course that are truly flat.  There are at least mild grades on what eventually feels 'flat' compared to the rest.  As you can imagine, it takes a toll on your quads quickly, and the downhills you looked forward to so much in the beginning, are now what feels the worst. 

I didn't want to roll my ankles any more so I was intensely watching where I was stepping.  I didn't have an more ankle rolls, but I kept catching the end of branches with a toe, then lifting it up and tripping myself with it.  I collected a couple good scratched on my calves because of those. 

Just after mile 20 I started seeing people's wheels really falling off, and I was feeling great by then.  I had been running behind a woman for about 15 minutes and then we came up on another group of 4 or so people.  At that point the path widened and got really muddy.  By then most people were walking slowly trying to avoid getting any muddier, so I took this as a time to start pressing.  I hopped through it the best I could and took off.  I decided to count 'road kill' to keep myself busy and pushing forward, so in that move I collected 5 road kill - I collected a few soon after the turn around as well so my total at that point for the second half was 8 or 9.  I felt a true second wind (which was really more like a fifth wind) and was cruising.  I was surprising myself by how quickly I was going and how much energy I had to power walk up those climbs.  I had two mantras in my head - the first was 'tough as nails'.  The other was 'run the runable'.  I knew if I would stick to my plan of only walking on the uphills, and walking powerfully, I'd do well, and possibly negative split. 

Coming up on people who were obviously slowing down, falling, stumbling, and stopping fueled me even more.  I remember thinking in that moment that this was what I LOVED to do.  I loved that feeling, the silence of the woods, the power I had within to move my sore legs and keep my cadence pretty high. I loved the stillness of my surroundings, the sound of my breathing, the smell of the pine forest sections.  I wanted that part of the race to go on forever.  It felt like... home.  It was the most myself I could ever imagine feeling.  It was glorious. 

During that surge that lasted about 6+ miles I road killed 25+ people, and even passed the two really experienced ultramarathoners who had intimidated me a bit in the beginning. The last three miles were tough, and I found myself running with two other women, two other tough as nails, badass, amazing women.  I felt fortunate to be suffering with them near me, talking a little bit, and encouraging one another.  I didn't care if I passed them or not, I was just happy to have other people's strength to inspire me and keep pushing me through to that finish. 

The one woman that had been ahead of me for a few miles pushed forward, as she was really driven to get her goal time of 6:23 (a full hour faster than her time there last year) and I stayed with the other woman who was near us.  I felt a burst of energy when we got out of the woods and circled back by the parked cars.  My bf was on the hill next to there waving and taking pictures - I couldn't wait to collapse into his arms and be done, so I pushed.  I started picking up my pace to get some space in-between me and the woman I was talking with, but got over zealous and overshot the turn. She was nice enough to yell and get my attention and so I backtracked and kept pushing.  A woman I had passed at the aid station at mile 28 had pulled in front of both of us and I didn't want to just give her that place.  She was pushing hard but I stuck to running tangents to move as directly as I could and it made up some time.  I added some kick to help drive me up some of the base of the hill before I started power walking my way up to the finish and it gave me some distance between me and the other two woman.  This was by far the worst I felt the entire day. The climb was steep, you could hear the crowd at the finish line, I knew these two other woman were on my heels, and I was starting to look like the people I passed deep in the woods.  I could hardly move my legs so I tried to use my arms as hard as I could to help propel me up that damn hill. I was groaning and breathing hard - so much so that the guy in front of me turned around to make sure I was okay.  I somehow broke into a run at the top so  could run across the finish line, and some woman even said 'wow - she's got some kick left!'  The clock was about to turn to 6:27 and I wanted to cross before I got there, so I finished with a final time of 6:26.56.  19th overall female, and 5th in my division.  And I did negative split by about ten minutes. 

This race was an amazing experience.  After training to run this one in 2009, and then getting injured on the course during my last long run (and then not being able to run for 3 months after that) it felt wonderful to settle that score.  I am happy with how I executed the race, I feel fortunate to run with such strong and inspiring competitors, and I am content with taking some time to recover.

On a side note, I kept laughing at myself last night as I was falling asleep.  You know how sometimes you dream that you're falling and startle yourself awake? I did that over and over and over last night - I spent so much of my day tripping and trying not to fall on the trail I was dreaming about it!

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement while I trained for this event.  It was wonderful.I'll post pictures of the event this week. :)
 

Quite a different facial expression in the car on the way home than on the way to the race!

 

 

Friday, April 25, 2014

T-24 Hours

In 24 hours from right now I will be in a nature preserve, suited up in my version of running armor (hydration belt, gaiters, sleeves, my favorite/lucky running tank top), taking a deep breath and doing my best to stay as relaxed as possible.  I will be surrounded by nervous energy, and incredible natural beauty. 

It's hard to wrap my head around that as I sit on my couch listening to the birds outside my patio door, leisurely drinking coffee.  But today is the day that I look back to the last 4+ months of training and reflect.  This has been, hands down, the most difficult training cycle I have ever dealt with.  Winter was long and harsh, with incredibly long streaks of below average temperatures, arctic wind chills, and a layer of ice over everything.  The second treadmill in the row at Anytime Fitness and I had a very intimate relationship.

Elevation chart and water stations for tomorrow.  (Nope, not a PR course.)

One thing that kept me pushing through those long, brutal weeks was the connections I have with the people around me.  The athletes I coach, the people I've connected with on Twitter, my good friends, my boyfriend, and my family.  I had a great group of people who support my love of running and the time I put in to push my own limits.  That's one thing I love about this sport of ultramarathoning - people support each other, help each other, and are human. 

Plenty of people ask me why I do these things - what possibly could be so great that it gets you to sign up for, and train for this stuff?  For me it's two things -

1 - Nature.  I am renewed and peaceful when I'm surrounded by natural beauty.  I love the quiet, the smells of the pine trees, the views of the lakes, the wildlife, and the meditative aspect of hearing the footfalls and rhythmic breathing.  No phones, no email, no one needing anything of you. Sure, technically you're in a 'race' and there are people around you, but it truly feels like it's an internal journey to not just cover a ton of miles on your feet, but also to get really deep into yourself and dig deeper than you thought possible to get yourself across the finish line.  That component leads me to the second reason I do this -

2 - Authenticity.  I often tell people that it's impossible to fake it after 20 miles.  There's no acting.  You get to a point that you have no choice but to be who you are - the good and the bad mixed together in a truthful representation of who you really are as a person.  And I think it's beautiful!  It's gritty and raw and you come to see the most beautiful moments of really broken down people.  Someone who is exhausted offering words of encouragement to someone who is debating stopping.  Someone who hit the wall ten miles ago offering their extra gels to someone who ran out or lost theirs.  I's humankind being themselves, in a situation that is unfettered with outside influence, just enjoying the natural drive to push limits and come together in times of difficulty. 

These are the two things I will think about tomorrow when I start to struggle.  Thanks to all of you for your support through this training - I draw a lot of inspiration from the wonderful people in my life. 

“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
"You owe me."
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”
  
Tomorrow's internal and physical journey will be fueled not just by my own thoughts, but the connections I've cultivated, and the interactions with those around me on that trail.  Our true selves will shine through, we'll push each other with encouragement and sincerity, and we'll each light up the sky in our own way.  I'm fired up about the love I have for those moments, and thankful to have made it through the training while staying healthy.  Okay Chippewa Moraine 50K.  I'm ready for you.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Inspiration

All of us runners had to start somewhere.  At some point there was a person, or an event, or a book, or a movie or whatever it was, that got us to say 'you know what?  I can do that too.'  And then you laced up your shoes, put on whatever clothes that seemed most athletic, and went out the door to try and really run.  Those initial sources of inspiration are things we never forget.  We hold them dear to our hearts and look at them as the roots of the running we have grown to love. 
I clearly remember this day as the first day I KNEW I waned to be a runner.
Don't I look nice in my brother's letter jacket? :)
Through everyone's evolution in their running there are additional sources of inspiration along the way - friends that are running further or faster than you, people that are 'zen runners' and can get out there without a watch or a game plan and just run for the sake of running, people like Scott Jurek or Dean Karnazes or Ray Zahab, a podcast on Trail Runner Nation may have really resonated with you and inspire you to train for a 50 miler.  Each person has had key things in their running journey inspire them to take things to a different level, and those things are always kept in a special place in their memory.

On the flipside, you, as a runner, have very likely inspired someone else in your life to also tie their shoes and head out the door as well.  I bet there's more than once you've been running down the side of a road and someone in that car driving by that was smoking a cigarette and eating French fries out of a paper bag from McDonalds and looked at you and said - 'yes, I can do that.'  And afterwards, they did in fact do that.  They ran.  And they ran because they saw you out there. 

A great gift to us runners is that the running community is so accessible.  You can pretty easily get in touch with any elite runner out there, can often find out where they will be racing or doing a book signing and go there, and because of that can often talk to or meet the person who has inspired you to do so much more than you thought you ever could. 

A great gift in that accessibility is that we, as mere humble runners, can thank someone that has inspired us.  And that is a very personal thing!  Dean Karnazes is someone that helped push me from running road marathons to ultra trail races.  His endurance, positive attitude, and willingness to open up about his passion (while being a natural introvert) motivated me to do push further, and at the same time tell people about what I was doing.  That's a priceless piece of inspiration to me, and I was lucky enough a few years ago to meet Dean on a few different occasions.  I was very excited to finally be able to tell him, the man that I would think of is the darkest times of my running to help push me through, that he was my inspiration, and how grateful I was for that.

I was running with Dean towards the end of a group run that was coordinated by a local North Face store, and I was able to get out the words of appreciation for doing all that he does, and how he inspired me to push further in my own running.  His response was a simple 'thank you', and then quickly asked me a question about Madison.  Yes, my compliment was acknowledged, but it didn't quite give me the satisfaction I was looking for.  I mean, for a few years this man is what mentally pushed me to bring my A game, run further than I ever thought I could, and be much more open with my friends and athletes with something that I previously held close as incredibly personal. 

I didn't think much about that interaction again until yesterday. I was running with a friend of mine who is training for her second marathon.  She's only been running a few years, but is working hard on increasing her endurance while having fun, involving her friends, and is very mindful and open about the positive role running plays in her life.  We were in the second half of our long run when she told me that I was an inspiration of hers to push herself further when she was running.  It was such a nice compliment that I didn't expect at all, and I, like Dean had done to me, said a brief 'thank you' and wanted to quickly change the subject.

I see many runners (and people in general) brush off or even deflect compliments, especially ones that are meaningful - not just a 'you look nice today' or 'cute dress' compliment.  By nature I think we as runners are just humble, hard working people that are more than happy to do our hardest work in the darkness of night, by ourselves, away from being the center of any sort of attention.  But the reality is that our hard work is not unnoticed.  One of my favorite quotes is 'Work hard in silence, let success make the noise.'  And that 'noise' inspires people around us without our even knowing. 

So next time someone comes up to you, or sends you an email or text to tell you how much of an inspiration you are to them, acknowledge that.  Thank them for the compliment and even ask them a question to expand further.  It is an important moment for them to tell you something that personal and genuine, so do your best to accept it and be gracious.  It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I can inspire anyone to do anything - after all, I'm just a runner.  But we are a community of people that are fueled by the way we are inspired by each other, and I think that's pretty awesome. 
 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Race Recap - Trailbreaker Marathon

I am a believer in signs, and I felt like my morning of my race was scattered with them.
     1- I had a pretty good night of sleep. I still woke up a fair amount, but was able to fall right back to sleep, so when my alarm went off at 5am I didn't want to throw my phone across the room, which was nice for a change.
     2 - The first full song that came on the radio as I was driving to Waukesha was my FAVORITE.  (Mirrors by Justin Timberlake, in case you're curious :)
     3 - My textbook hydration made me have to stop at a rest area on the way to the race, and when I got inside the song Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen was playing. Born to Run! Can you believe that??  If that isn't a sign that you're about to have a great marathon I don't know what is.

     4 - There was an older man standing outside the rest area when I was jogging back to my car. I gave him a warm 'good morning!' which he promptly echoed back to me. I noticed he was watching me  run back to my car and he got a big smile and said 'You're so lucky you can jog, I can't any more because of my legs.'  It thought about it for a second, and I thought 'yes - I AM lucky that I can run!'  How lucky that I had a marathon to run where I was healthy, felt rested, and no injuries to speak of.  I really was lucky!

I kept thinking about that man, and other people I know that are limited by their bodies for one reason or another and literally can't run.  I decided that those people would be my source of strength as I ran the impending 26.2 miles.

Packet pick up went smoothly, the temperature was a comfortable 32°, and the breeze was really light.  As we lined up and listened to the announcements and the National Anthem I reminded myself of what my goals were.  - this is just a long run, you're not racing. - run the second half faster the first. - keep eating and drinking even if you don't feel like it.  - listen to your body.  - don't obsess over mentally calculating your splits/pace. 

I originally wanted to finish between 4:15 and 4:30, since the middle 6ish miles were on pretty technical trail, and at the half way point you had to climb a 40 foot tower, ring a bell, and then run back to the start.  Well, mother nature had a different plan and rained like a monsoon two nights before, so for the third time in the history of the race, we had to run an alternate route where we just ran further on the flat, paved, Glacial Drumlin Trail and then head back.  Knowing this, I adjusted my mental time to about 4 hours. 

I had two sleeves of gel cubes with me, some peanut butter pretzel sandwiches, and a bottle of water so I was set for a good long while. I had  drop bag with a Red Bull and more cubes to be delivered to the 4th aid station, so right away it felt good to not be carrying all my supplies at once.  I held myself to 9:37 for the first mile, and then slowly started to move up from there.  The sun was shining, people were chipper, and I felt like I was dressed perfectly for the weather.  I had my iPod with me equipped with a bunch of new tunes, but didn't want to put it on until I felt like I really needed it. 

I like to run with a mantra so it keeps me focused - for this one it was 'relaxed and conservative.'  It really helped me to stay within a comfortable, but not boring pace.  My body felt surprisingly good considering the whole run was on pavement (and some concrete for a few miles in Waukesha) and I was rounding out a 70 mile week which was a lot for me. After just 15 minutes or so I started debating if I should stop for a quick pee break.  It was a true mental struggle to decide what to do - can I deal with this the whole way?  What if I stop and it takes two minutes and then I miss my PR by 2 minutes? (even though I wasn't racing, I was still thinking it would be nice to PR comfortably if I had that kind of fitness level in me.) If I don't stop will I slow down in my liquids and regret it later?  I ran past two empty port a potties, and then decided that I'd stop at the 4th aid station where my drop bag was and get all my 'errands' out of the way in one spot. 

Well, it didn't quite work as planned - the drop bags weren't there yet (which yes, did irritate me), and then a guy went into the porta potty right as I was running up to it.  Considering he was moving fast, and was a man, I figured he'd be fast.  Well, I was wrong.  I could hear him blowing his nose and fumbling around.  I'm not sure if he was making origami swans out of toilet paper or what, but I was not so subtly making loud throat clearing noises right outside the door until he came out.  It was only about 2 minutes that he was in there, but felt like 20, and I topped it off with a dirty look as well which made me feel better.

30 seconds later I was back on my way and glad I stopped, even though it took more time than I wanted.  A volunteer assured my that my drop bag would be there when I came back so I figured it was good that I waited to have my Red Bull until mile 16 or so, and I had enough gel cubes to last till then so it wasn't a big deal. 

Getting to mile 13 felt good - I checked my watch and was right around 2 hours even, so I was glad I could do easy mental math to shoot for my negative split.  Leading up to the turn around I had a ballpark idea of how many women were in front of me, so I decided to slowly try and overtake as many as felt reasonably comfortable.  Most people slow down in the second half so I was banking on that, and was feeling good about the pep I still had in my legs. 

I kept with the 'relaxed and conservative' mantra, though once I'm running for a long time I get really forgetful, so I kept stumbling over the 'conservative' part.  I'd think 'relaxed and... comfortable? cozy? cucumber?  umm..... oh yeah - conservative!'

Thankfully, my drop bag was at mile 16 so I quickly took my jacket off and threw that along with my sleeves in there, and took my cubes and Red Bull with me.  I was starting to get just a little tired, so the boost of the sugary caffeinated goodness instantly helped. I figured it was also a good time to throw in the iPod and kill two birds with one stone.  Some F.Stokes got me into cruise control mode, and off I went.

I slowly crept up on a handful of women and felt good about that.  Right after mile 23 I looked ahead and saw a woman walking that I thought could be the first woman in my age group (granted, it's hard to tell ages of women runners since we all look so youthful and vibrant) but I thought she might be in my 35-39, so I turned things up a notch.  The faster pace felt a little tougher, but not overly taxing, so I just tried to keep it up to put as much distance between me and her as I could.  At this point we were overlapping with the half marathoners that started an hour and a half after the marathoners.  Passing them and also telling them 'good job!' kept me going. 

And then there was mile 25.  I decided to really try and push my pace...   and after just a couple minutes got really nauseas and scaled back a bit again.  The last 1.2 miles were that same pattern repeating - feeling alright and wanting to be done, pushing my pace, churning stomach, and slowing back down a bit.  Over and over and over.  Eventually my 'thank yous' to the volunteers became grunts and pleading stares for them to move the finish line closer.

Finally I made it there and was happily met by my mom who had a nice fleece blanket and sour cream and onion Pringles.  Exactly what I needed.  I finished in 3:50.03, less than two minutes off my PR (THANKS A LOT SLOW GUY IN THE BATHROOM!), and felt surprisingly good. 

After pavement marathons I typically feel pretty crippled, but this time I felt relatively good still.  I can only attribute that to two things - I ate and kept eating immediately after finishing.  And I started adding in weight room workouts the last month or so. My legs just felt stronger this time around and I definitely think it was the leg work I have been doing.

I felt good as I drove home with my medal and award for being second in my age group (7th overall female) and was glad that I had the discipline to run a negative split by ten minutes.  Now I get to taper in preparation for the Chippewa 50K that is coming up on April 26th. 

My recovery has just been resting, grazing on food, and trying to not wear shoes along with gentle stretching.  A longer walk with the dog will be in order later this afternoon, along with a nap. :)


Thursday, April 3, 2014

You Know I Am Coming Up On Race Weekend When...

It has been quite a while since I've pinned on a race number, but I am going to be doing just that this weekend.  I am running a marathon, but using it as a training run, not racing it.  Even though my intention is not to race, I can't help but still prepare this week like I would if I was going for a PR.  Which leads me to....

You Know I Am Coming Up On Race Weekend When:

I try to wear flats instead of heels so my calves get some rest.

I start picking out my running clothes for Saturday on Tuesday.
My race prep for the Nike Women's Marathon in 2007
I conveniently use the race as an excuse to take naps any chance I get.


I compulsively check the forecast every few hours just in case anything changes.
 
I can turn the direction of any conversation to running. (okay, I do that anyway)
 
I study the course map at length, know the distance between aid stations, and exactly what will be at each one.
 
I eat everything in sight saying ‘it’s okay – I have a marathon/50k/Ragnar relay this weekend!’
 
My house/apartment is picture perfect because I don’t want anything to go missing.
 
Whenever I look like I'm deep in concentration, I'm really just visualizing my race.
 
I actually stretch.
 
I have anxiety dreams that I wake up late, get lost on the way to the starting line, have to race through parking garages and alleyways but my legs can hardly move so I end up running on my hands, and can hardly even catch up to the back of the pack runners.
 
 
I must have just had an anxiety dream! :)

 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, March 31, 2014

Brain Training

There's a commonly repeated quote about ultra running that is '90% of running an ultra is mental, and the other 10% is mental.'  I totally agree with that.  Sure, logging miles, running hills, fueling properly, and listening to your body are all important elements, but if you get to the line on race day and you aren't sure can do it, and you're not focused - you are probably about to endure a running nightmare. 

I am really intrigued by how the brain works, and am fascinated with how powerful it really is.  To complement my physical training I have been doing since December, I felt that I needed some more refinement with my mental game.  I have spent a fair amount of time at a local Buddhist temple called Deer Park.  I first became interested after hearing the Dalai Lama speak back in ... 2008 I think it was.  Every now and then they host a day that they call the Day of Silence, or the Day of Meditation.  I went to a Day of Silence back in 2009 and found it to be extremely helpful in not just quieting my brain, but focusing for a really long period of time.  This past Saturday I went to a similar event. 
Deer Park - last summer
The schedule of the day was:
9:00 - 9:15 - overview of the day; begin silence. (yes, we weren't supposed to talk at all, except for during Q&A times.)
9:15-10:15 - teaching
10:15 - 10:45 - meditation
10:45 - 11 - break
11 - 11:30 - Q&A
11:30 - 12 walking meditation
12 - 12:45 - lunch (silent)
12:45 - 1:15 - walking meditation
1:15 - 2:15 - teaching
2:15 - 2:45 - meditation
2:45 - 3 - tea and cookies in the temple
3 - 3:30 - Q&A
3:30 - 3:45 - meditation
3:45 - 4:30 - closing

There were 60 people attending which I thought was a fantastic turnout, but it became apparent during the day that people were struggling to stay focused and invested.  Maybe around 15 or more people bailed as the day went on.  I did take a break during the afternoon teaching to take a walk outside and caught a 15 minute cat nap which did rejuvenate me.  During the afternoon I took the meditation time to really work on visualization for my race - I do this fairly often as I'm falling asleep, or when I'm on a run, but it felt good to sit there and really visualizing all the pieces of the 50k. 
Prayer flags behind Deer Park. So pretty!
I'm happy I took a whole day to sharpen my mental game and enjoy some quiet.  I have to admit, there's something pretty cool about a room full of people eating lunch at the same time and it's not filled with mindless chatter about people's jobs, their opinions, their complaints, or their questions.  You could just sit and be.  All you needed to do was exchange smiles and that was enough. 

After my day of silence and meditation I was ready to gather my thoughts for Sunday's 22 miler.  It was going to be my first time doing a long run in the morning, so I did my best to prepare.  I'm much more of an evening runner, so starting a run at 8am is not my idea of a good time.... but if I'm going to be ready for Saturday's marathon, and next month's 50k, I knew I needed to do at least one long run with the right food once. 

Things went pretty smoothly, and I took it easy to enjoy the scenery and just cover the miles - I didn't need to try and zip through them.  Temps warmed from the low 30's to almost 50 by the time I was done.  The paved trails were quiet to start - probably people sleeping in after celebrating the Badgers making it to the Final Four the night before!!  :)   But I had plenty of birds to listen to, saw almost 20 cranes enjoying the warm day, and loved not having to worry about snow and ice for the first time this year! 
See the two cranes??

I finished the run pretty strong.  I do feel like I'm not quite in the shape I'd like to be in, but I am recovering really quickly which isn't usually the case.  In looking forward to Saturday's marathon I'm just looking forward to finally having people around, and I don't have to carry all my water and food!  It should be a great way to end my training and kick off my taper.  My tight hips and calves in yoga class tonight reminded me that my three week taper will be a great opportunity to get some more classes in.  :)  
 


Monday, March 24, 2014

Shedding Light on the Dark


It’s easy to write about running or talk about running when it’s going well.  You want to celebrate your victories, share your new insights on the world, and disclose your happiness of a smooth, long run with perfect hydration, mental focus and strong legs.  It’s natural to want to share your happiness, but when you have a bobble, or worse, a meltdown, you want to keep it under wraps and not let anyone know. Well, I’m writing to do the opposite.  Shed light on the dark spots of training and as I like to say it, ‘put my chili out there.’  If I go through it, I’m willing to bet everyone else does too.  We just don’t shout it from the rooftops.

I would have to say that probably 95% of the time I’m mentally calm, focused, and have my ducks in a row. Not a whole lot rattles me (and generally not for long when it does), I maintain perspective on different events pretty well, and  do a good job at being mindful of the core facets of my life (work, training, coaching, health, relationships).  And then there’s a day like yesterday. 

I woke up in a good mood from a great three hour workout the night before, was excited to do a little baking while my boyfriend snored in the other room, and was going to write out my final five weeks of training and lounge with coffee and a good book.  The baking went as planned and I felt good as the smell of banana nut muffins permeated my small apartment.  Then I took my calendar dry erase board to write out what my training had in store for me for the final five weeks leading up to my 50k. And then it happened.  Seeing those final two weeks of mileage building and three week taper fit perfectly on the calendar made my heart jump up in my throat.  Seeing race day sitting on the very last day with its pink border and exclamation points made me feel like it was taunting me instead of promoting excitement. 
                My last two weeks of training were not what I had planned, since one week was in Las Vegas and I had nothing but concrete to run on which did a number on my calves which were already pretty severely knotted up, and then I came down with a really nasty cold the following week.  I started to feel my anxiety rise and that led to my brain starting to spiral.  Am I running enough hills?  My trail shoes aren’t working for me with long distances, should I try different ones?  Have I been doing enough upper body and core work to help me power though the race?  I’ve barely thought about nutrition and how I want to handle that – what will I be eating?  

And of course once you are stressing and unsure of one area of your life, self-doubt and internal conflict eventually creep into other areas as well.   How will I be able to handle speaking at this meeting on Friday?  Will I be able to pull all these big projects off?  Am I just playing dress up by wearing professional clothes and making decisions?  Am I too focused on my relationship?  Am I being needy?  Do I text or call my friends enough?  Did I make the right choice in the apartment I just signed a lease for?  Is this really the right nail polish color for me?  Am I having a bad hair day?  And on and on it goes.  Self-doubt knows no boundaries when you’re a naturally analytical person and a perfectionist.  There’s always something to be better at, someONE who is better at it than you, and mistakes that you will make. 

                I practically felt like I was drowning as all this started.  In my younger days I was a ball of nerves and anxiety most of the time, except for when I was running or horseback riding.  Thankfully times like these are more the exception than the rule, but that doesn’t make them any less jarring.  When my boyfriend woke up and shuffled into the living room he looked at me like I had antlers coming out of my head. I definitely was not the person he was used to being around. 

                I quickly ran down the list of usual activities that calm me down and focus me, so I threw on some clothes and my trail shoes and headed to Indian Lake to hike.  Fresh air and quiet always do a great job to recalibrate my head.  Unfortunately when I got out of the car I was greeted by a harsh, cold wind, and a thick layer of ice on the trails near the woods.  After two near falls down the side of a hill I turned around and went back to the car.  It obviously isn’t really spring yet here, and navigating a thick layer of ice without crampons and an ice pick was going to be a bad idea. 

                My plan B consisted of getting a new book at Barnes and Noble (George Sheehan – TheEssential Sheehan), sushi and a glass of white wine.  My chaos and second guessing finally started so subside.  Thank GOD.  After reading a few passages in Sheehan’s book, I had a realization.  I recognized that the source of so much of my stress I encounter is when I feel like I need to be someone else, or live up to someone else’s standards.  

                When I was spiraling about my race I was thinking about all the miles other people are probably logging, what they will think if I finish with a really slow time,  what my friends and family will think if I don’t finish in the top however many spots.  When I was stressing about my work presentation the source was a fear that the audience wouldn’t think I knew the material enough, they’d think I was nervous, I wouldn’t be polished enough and professional enough.  In both of those scenarios I was trying to be something, or someone else.  I was reading a book a week or so ago where the author was trying to be authentically herself more often, and in those moments that she succeeded, she was happier, more effective, and connected with people more easily.  So that’s the key here for me – to be Tracey in my training, in my work, in my relationships – I am a risk taking, envelope pushing, achievement lover.  So why not get tenacious and go for these things and rid myself of this mental clutter? 

                Sure, my last two weeks of training haven’t been great, but the 9 or 10 weeks prior were.  It’s time to pull things together and accept the hard, but rewarding work that I have to pull off before I taper.  I have always had a borderline paralyzing fear of public speaking, so instead of continuing to brood about it, work on it. Tomorrow night I have my first meeting with a local chapter of Toastmaasters International and I am actually pretty excited. I shared this on my facebook wall and the input and support I had from my friends made me even more resolute in addressing this fear and working on it. 

                I feel renewed today and am happy that I was able to shift the anxious energy I had yesterday into something constructive and positive.  I hope that being very open and direct about those dark places will encourage some of you to allow for that as well.  Those perceived short comings of ours can bring people closer together and give more understanding to those already complex relationships in your life.  It also gives you a great place to look back to once you’re on the other side of it and appreciate how you rallied out of a rough situation. 

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Turning point

Something happened this weekend. It was a Friday afternoon, and I was transitioning my focus towards my weekend runs - ten miles Friday night, 18 miles Saturday afternoon.  With this less than cooperative winter I was planning on doing both of these runs on the treadmill like a million past weekends. And I couldn't handle it - how many more hours could I take on a spinning belt without actually going anywhere?  I literally felt like I was about at my breaking point.  I went home for a late lunch Friday to pack my gym bag and mentally regroup.  "Okay self, we have to get creative.  How can we make another treadmill run actually be not just bearable, but FUN."   And then it hit me - what's one of the most fun things to watch?  Stand up comedy!  Sure, it's always better when you've had a glass or two of wine and your stomach is full of quesadillas and fresh guacamole, but water and a gel cube or two will be a good substitute, right? 

So I loaded a few of my favorite comedians into 'My List' on Netflix and had renewed hope that maybe, just maybe, I could actually have fun during my evening run.  Just a few hours later I hopped on the mill, set up my Netflix to stream into the screen of the treadmill, and Katt Williams and I got to work.  I have to admit, I was a little cautious of laughing out loud while running,  maybe people would think I was nuts?  So I kept it to a near perpetual smile with a few quiet laughs to myself.  After his comedy special I went to my favorite comedian - Aziz Ansari.  He released a special almost a year ago I hadn't seen yet so I was excited for the new material.  ....  And then it  happened.  He went into a bit about marriage that had me laughing so hard I had to hop onto the side rail, double over, and literally belly laugh so hard I cried.  Yep - me, with no one near me on the other treadmills, and no sense of how loud I was really laughing because I had the volume up pretty high in my ear buds.  And you know what?  I didn't give a shit.  Here I was with just a few miles to go, my face sore from smiling, and laughing so hard I could barely breathe.  Now THAT was fun.  :)

The next day for my 18 miler I woke up with the itch to take it to the road.  Sure there was plenty of ice around, it was only 11°, and we were supposed to get a snow storm, but hey!  I had trail shoes, YakTrax, and a check card to take with.  What could go wrong, right? I knew I needed some more gel cubes, so I figured I'd go to the gym and leave from there.  I'd run at least to Endurance House and back for gels, and any longer I went was just gravy. The rest I'd do on the mill.


At first the snow was a little bothersome since I was heading mostly into the wind and it was snowing pretty hard, so all the snowflakes felt like tiny daggers flying into my eyes, but it soon let up and just floated around me.  It was peaceful, hardly no cars on the road, and I had added some new tunes to my playlist so I was thoroughly enjoying my run.  After my stop to get my Cliff Shot Bloks I decided to do a bigger loop outside, so I headed towards the Pheasant Branch Conservancy.  The snow was great for traction on top of all the ice, but I still had to be pretty careful.  I ran a segment that was a couple miles long, then stopped at a PDQ before entering the big loop.  I bought a bottle of water to carry, and a Red Bull that I asked the clerk to keep behind the register until I got back.  (When it's that cold I don't like to drink cold things later in the run, so I wanted it to be room temperature by the time I drank it.)  I really hit my sweet spot the next few miles.  The trees were beautiful and served as a great wind block, the few people I saw were really friendly and the fresh air was amazing.  It was just cold enough that I didn't want to look at my gps EVER so I didn't really know how far I was at any point either, which is a nice change from the treadmill display staring back at me. 

As I headed north the footing got worse, and there was a lot of wide open areas.  I knew that the strip of trail heading back west would be the worst of the entire run (into the wind, not protected, and really icy) so I decided to jump off the trail into a beautiful residential area for a little extra mileage and to build up my body heat before hitting the hard part.  Well, it started out seeming like a good idea.  I *thought* I'd remember the street names and glide effortlessly back to where I came from, but instead I got completely turned around, ended up on the shoulder of a country highway for a while heading north when I thought I was going south.  Then resorting to trying to run in the highest elevation of the neighborhood to at least see where I had to go, but it was farm land on one side, and the conservancy on the other, and they looked exactly the same with the increasing snow fall. 


After admitting to myself that my sense of direction was completely nonexistent without the sun being visible I changed my focus to try and find someone shoveling their driveway so I could ask for directions.  A few blocks later I spotted an older woman shoveling and had a dog running around the yard so I ran up to her and laughed at her surprised expression (I was a snow covered, snot encrusted mess with a big old smile at the time).  She did her best to remember street names, but then said 'can I just give you a ride?  I have no idea what the street names are to get over there.'  My fingers were getting WAY cold at this point so I enthusiastically agreed. Her Portuguese Water Dog named Lodi hopped in the backseat and I quickly saw that I was 100% backwards in thinking I knew where I was going.  She offered to take me all the way home, but I said dropping me back at the trail was just fine. 


It was tough getting out of the heated leather seats to immediately tackle the toughest trail section of the day, but I was too busy laughing at my poorly thought out plan to notice how cold I got.  A few miles later I was back at the PDQ and happily downed half the warm Red Bull while patiently answering the questions from the clerk -'so, you like doing this?  Are you sure you can get back to where you're going?'  I must have looked worse than how I felt, or he just wasn't used to seeing runners. 

The few miles back to the gym went by incredibly fast and I was happy to see that I logged 15 miles in the snow before heading back inside, which only left three miles to do on the treadmill. 

This weekend felt like a turning point for me - I no longer feel like I'm just logging miles and getting through it.  I'm running miles and really enjoying it again, I'm not pre-occupied with the effort or the logistics.  It's finally second nature and I can feel myself recovering faster, breathing easier,  even laughing during these runs!  It's given me a lot of confidence that I've been doing the right things these past couple months.  I have my first 20 miler of the year this weekend, and then it's off to Vegas for a work trip.  I'm excited to share with you guys the kinds of workouts I do when I'm traveling.  I don't believe in the excuse that someone can't workout just because they're on the road!
 




Sunday, February 23, 2014

Mental Game

If there is one thing I've learned about myself the last 6 weeks or so, it's that my creativity level is in direct proportion with how much time I spend outside.  As you can infer by my lack of blog posts lately, I've been spending almost all my time inside.  In my office.  In my gym. In my apartment.  It's not news to anyone that many parts of the US have had a brutal winter so far, and instead of being hard headed and insisting on increasing my mileage outside on the ice and snow, I've stayed mostly inside on the treadmill, trying to enjoy wearing shorts and streaming Netflix onto the treadmill screen, but in those miles I haven't found myself thinking creatively, I have found myself doing what I can to get through the workout. 

As I am now into what I call 'Phase 2' of my training, I am focusing pretty intensely on the mental aspect of my runs. Instead of focusing all my attention on the episode of WorkOut, or documentary I'm watching, I am trying to simply be where I am.  Stay present in my workout, maybe even connect with people around me to mentally stay in that gym, be in my body, accept that I will be there on that treadmill for 2 or 3 hours, and just be relaxed and patient.  I am sure that most of you can relate to doing something and often times thinking about where you'd rather be, what you'd rather be doing, what you need to do when you're done with the task at hand.  I think that's natural, but I also think it's a drain on your mental power, and lowers your enjoyment level at the present moment.  How brutal is it to be only 6 miles into a 16 miler and all you can think about is what you want to eat, how good your bed probably feels, how you can't wait to check you phone to see how many people 'liked' your status  update that you're doing your long run...  It takes you out of your moment and you're just anxious to be onto the next thing.  And guess what - when you are on to your next task you're probably wishing you were onto the next thing, and so on. 

So that's my current focus, which I think will pay dividends when it comes to my 50k in April.  The conditions are likely to be pretty bad, and I anticipate that it will be slow going - and what could make that worse?  Wishing it was over, wishing I was further along, wishing I was in the car with my finisher's medal on the way home.... I know that being in the moment, accepting that I will be out there for a long time, talking with other runners around me, and doing what I can to enjoy the beauty of the trail will keep me enjoying the most adverse running conditions. 

I did make it a point to get outside for a while today and got creative with my recovery workout.  It was sunny and almost 20° so I threw on some layers, made sure my snowshoes were in the trunk, and went out to Indian Lake.  My legs felt surprisingly good for how tired they were last night during my 16 miler, so I decided to run up all the inclines on the trails to mix things up and get a little extra credit hill work in.  Conditions were a bit icy but the snowshoes handled that well so I was able to enjoy the scenery, appreciate my body's quick recovery, stop here and there to listen to the birds sing, and had a nice conversation with a woman who was cross country skiing.  I did think a bit about what I had planned afterwards, but for the most part my mind stayed on the trail, and appreciated the time spent outside.  Here's a few photos from the snowy trail. 

Thursday, January 9, 2014

To Live or Exist - A Distance Runner's Point of View


Sometimes you have one of those days that open your eyes a little bit.  Today was one of those days for me. Two things really caught my attention.  The first one being a running friend of mine finding out that he has a degenerative joint disease in his right hip, and will likely need a hip replacement.  The other thing is finding out that an old friend’s dad is having a cancer scare.  Hearing about things like that make you take stock of your life, your health, and those people you care about.

It leads me to think about lifestyle choices, and the potential risk that comes with them.  If you are a distance runner, you have probably been told more times than you’d like to count that running all those miles is hard on your heart, that we won’t have any knees left by the time we turn 50, that it’s dangerous to run at night, in the dark, in minimalist shoes, in traditional running shoes, whatever.  You’ve probably heard it all, and probably from a sedentary know-it-all while he sips his 8th cup of coffee and chomps his Nicorette on his way to peruse the vending machine snack options.  (Okay, maybe that’s just my specific example, but you get the idea.)  All our lifestyle choices come with their own inherent risk no matter what it is.  There is no ‘perfect’ life to lead, so then we are all left with our own free will to choose to do what we want.  I have chosen the path of distance running. 

Who knows, someday I may have to go under the knife to replace my worn out body parts with new and improved bionic parts, or I may keel over of a heart attack on a mountain trail, but the life that my running has given me is something I’d never take back, or wish to change.  I compare that to the concept of renting or owning.  You could rent a house and keep most things in boxes, not hang anything on the walls to avoid nail holes, and always change into a pair of house shoes when you walk in the door so you don’t track anything across the floors.  Or you could really own that house, hang your favorite things up on the walls, put up a dart board knowing you’ll miss your target sometimes, but you don’t care because you just love playing.  That’s how I feel I have treated my body – I’m mindful of it, but I feel alive when I push limits, breathe hard, jump higher than before, hike to the top of a mountain, run hilly trails for 6 hours.  Part of this sport is how it feels –to feel alive and acknowledge the experience of it all – cold mountain air, standing in a stream after a race, connection to your running mates when you push through something hard together.  You’re really living in your body, not just existing. 

This concept crosses over every aspect of your life – your work, your relationships, how you treat strangers, choosing to bury your head in your smart phone or interact with the world around you – they’re all facets of your existence that you can really live in or just exist.  And the beauty of it all, is that it’s your choice, until that day that the choice is taken away.  Today I am thankful that the choice is mine.  Time to run.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. - Oscar Wilde

 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A New Kind of New Years Eve

 
For as long as I can remember (well, as far back as early high school anyway) I have always had some kind of New Years Eve celebration, and it always involved having at least a few drinks.  This year I decided to try something different.  A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me how his parents always said that the way you start a new year sets the tone for the year to come, so as a kid he always had to have things in order - his bed had to be made, things put away, and loose ends tied up.  Since he was working downtown that night I decided to give that at try, and really think about the tone I wanted to set for my new year.


Work wasn't complete until I hung up my new Runner's World calendar!

I worked a full day as I always do, and then went to Barnes and Noble to treat myself to a couple new books (I'm a self-proclaimed book dork), and then went to the gym to run a 7 miler on the treadmill.  To keep things somewhat interesting on the treadmill I always increase my pace either every mile, or every two songs so I naturally get used to running negative splits.  It felt great to know I was doing something positive for myself and putting some running 'feng shui' in place for 2014. 

 
I was surprised at the amount of other people still at the gym at 7:30 when I was leaving, so maybe I'm not the only weirdo that would rather usher the year in with a healthy habit rather than paying for overpriced drinks in a crowded bar amidst a bunch of scantily clad singles.  (I'm very aware that makes me sound old.)  After some strength work, abs, and stretching I picked up Jimmy Johns and met my boyfriend at home to spend a little time with him before he had to work. 


My two new books and magazine treat. :)

As soon as he walked out the door I curled up on my couch, and promptly fell asleep.  Midnight came and went without so much as a flicker of my eyelids, and I was perfectly content with that.  My body was tired but happy, and giving myself the rest I needed instead of going out because I 'should' felt empowering and very centered.  The next morning I got up and did my short shake out run and cooked a healthy breakfast.  I met my boyfriend and some friends out downtown in the afternoon to watch the disappointing Badger bowl game, but it was great going out, feeling stronger and more refreshed than I had the day before. 

I can't help but think that setting that tone for 2014 will resonate through the year. It was a perfect balance of being healthy, taking care of myself, and still finding time to be social with the people I care about.  I hope you all had a great New Years Eve too, no matter how you decided to celebrate it.  :)