BHAG Update : Letting Go of a Goal, Self-Worth, and Redefining

Planning. Goal setting. Taking action.  Pushing boundaries.  This is what I do, pretty much all day every day.  This drive is in my DNA.  Back in late October I wrote a post declaring my Big Hairy Audacious Goal.  I wanted to compete in a 12 hour trail race in June, and I wanted to put in a performance that would put me in the top 5 women in the history of that specific race.  I was committed, passionate, declared my intention, and moved forward exactly according to plan.

Phase 1 was literally flawless – I got to the point of 20 milers feeling very comfortable, no muscle strains, no burn out, no tightness, just fluid movement that was highly enjoyable.  Phase two of training started on a good note with added speed work and continued strength building in the 20+ mile range.   Things were great…. Until they weren’t.   A cold turned into a lung infection, which turned into 9 days in a row of fevers, and ended in walking pneumonia. 

At this point, I’m down three and a half weeks from training, and am restricted for at least another 2.  That’s almost 6 consecutive weeks taken out of the meatiest part of my training plan.  My intention was to be a contender for the top spot in my race.  Looking at my current situation, and my other running goals later in the year, I have made the wise choice.  To pull out of the 12 hour event. 

It literally didn’t even occur to me until yesterday afternoon that this may happen.  My blind faith and trust in my body and training kept me unwavering mentally, until I saw my lung x-rays.  Apparently lung infections aren’t something to be fucked with, and strong willed me can’t even force it to clear up any faster.  Seemingly, I do in fact have limitations. 

The 45 minutes following this realization weren’t pretty.  I was thinking things like ‘Now what?  Who am I if I’m not thriving inside the structure of a training plan?  How do I define myself now?  Am I now considered ‘basic’?  Will my crew be disappointed?  I invested months into this already – how do I let that go?  Who the hell am I if I’m not striving for running greatness and making it look fun?’ 

I’m glad I gave myself a window of time to brood, be pissed off, and ask the deep dark questions of myself that most people don’t say in the light of day.  I realized how closely I tied my identity and self-worth to my running.  I realized how much I like to be in the role of running super achiever. 

Why run Ragnar with 12 people when you can do it with....3?

The danger is that running is something that can be taken away in an instant – because of a health issue, injury, accident – anything.  Running isn’t who I am, it’s just one of the things I do.  One of the many things.  I couldn’t see that clearly when I was reacting to the hard decision I made, I just knew I was intensely disappointed.  I felt like I had just broken up with someone I still really liked.

 

After having a night to sleep on it, and waking up with a clear head, I’m at peace with my decision.  I know it’s the best thing big picture.  I may not be able to run 20 milers right now, but here’s what I CAN do.  Run every other day, work on strength training and flexibility.  I can focus on my next goal, which is helping pace a friend at the Western States 100 June 24^th and 25^th.  I can study the course, encourage my friend in his training, and allow myself the rest I need to be 100% again.

And most importantly, I can work on identifying myself as more than just a runner.   Identify and honor those things that truly define me. Not get caught up associating my self-worth with the activities I participate in.  The miles I run don’t make me a good person, they don’t change the world, they don’t make a person feel loved, and they’re not my last thought at night when I think about what really went right that day. 

Thanks dear friends for all the kind words I’ve received – you all clearly know how important my running and training is to me.  And thanks to this adversity I am reminded that though I love to run, I’m not just a runner.  I’m a dreamer. A lover. A giver. A creative. An athlete. A thinker. A leader.  And a student.    

 

A New Kind of New Years Eve

 

For as long as I can remember (well, as far back as early high school anyway) I have always had some kind of New Years Eve celebration, and it always involved having at least a few drinks.  This year I decided to try something different.  A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me how his parents always said that the way you start a new year sets the tone for the year to come, so as a kid he always had to have things in order - his bed had to be made, things put away, and loose ends tied up.  Since he was working downtown that night I decided to give that at try, and really think about the tone I wanted to set for my new year.



Work wasn't complete until I hung up my new Runner's World calendar!

I worked a full day as I always do, and then went to Barnes and Noble to treat myself to a couple new books (I'm a self-proclaimed book dork), and then went to the gym to run a 7 miler on the treadmill.  To keep things somewhat interesting on the treadmill I always increase my pace either every mile, or every two songs so I naturally get used to running negative splits.  It felt great to know I was doing something positive for myself and putting some running 'feng shui' in place for 2014. 

 

I was surprised at the amount of other people still at the gym at 7:30 when I was leaving, so maybe I'm not the only weirdo that would rather usher the year in with a healthy habit rather than paying for overpriced drinks in a crowded bar amidst a bunch of scantily clad singles.  (I'm very aware that makes me sound old.)  After some strength work, abs, and stretching I picked up Jimmy Johns and met my boyfriend at home to spend a little time with him before he had to work. 



My two new books and magazine treat. :)

As soon as he walked out the door I curled up on my couch, and promptly fell asleep.  Midnight came and went without so much as a flicker of my eyelids, and I was perfectly content with that.  My body was tired but happy, and giving myself the rest I needed instead of going out because I 'should' felt empowering and very centered.  The next morning I got up and did my short shake out run and cooked a healthy breakfast.  I met my boyfriend and some friends out downtown in the afternoon to watch the disappointing Badger bowl game, but it was great going out, feeling stronger and more refreshed than I had the day before. 

I can't help but think that setting that tone for 2014 will resonate through the year. It was a perfect balance of being healthy, taking care of myself, and still finding time to be social with the people I care about.  I hope you all had a great New Years Eve too, no matter how you decided to celebrate it.  :)

 

 

 

Sometimes It's A Grind

It can be easy to assume that a person that has been running consistently for 23 years sails through most of their runs, adds miles easily, and finishes every workout with a smile.  I can tell you with certainty that it isn't true for me.  At least right now. 

As you may have read in earlier posts of mine, I was approaching this training plan with a different mindset and decided to truly let my body rest and fully repair before I started logging miles again to prepare for 2014.  I purposely let myself get out of shape so that when I started running again my body would stay healthy since it had ample time to heal up from all the wear and tear of the year.  I still think it's a great game plan, but WOW - does getting back into shape blow sometimes. 

Ever since I have been running distance things always feel like a grind until I get to the point that I'm comfortably running ten milers.  Then I can add miles with ease, my soreness is minimal, and I enjoy my workouts a lot more.  Today I did a 'long' run of seven miles and it was honestly tough.  A big part of that was the footing I was running on - It's a balmy 39° in southern Wisconsin today so of course I headed outside to log the miles, not really mentally preparing myself to sill have an ample amount of slop and snow to trudge through. 

I accept that I am where I should be right now - I shouldn't be fast, I shouldn't be effortlessly running 12 milers, I'm right where I need to be - rebuilding. Though it is hard to think back to past times when I could have done a 20 miler in today's conditions and still felt just fine.  It's a continuous cycle for us runners - we're always in states of building, maintaining, peaking, or resting due to us choosing to rest, or our bodies deciding for us.  I'm happy I'm re-building after consciously choosing to rest, but WOW - it schooled me today. 

I ran for the second time with my new GPS watch (the NikePlus - thank you wonderful boyfriend!) and I was surprised that I still managed to average close to 8:30 miles with the conditions, but it felt more like ten minute miles.  I intended to stop and take some pictures to share since it was absolutely gorgeous out there, but I was very well aware that if I stopped much I'd lose my gusto much more quickly. I did manage to stop and get a couple great pictures of people ice skating on a pond I ran past - it was very Normal Rockwell! 

A Partnership to be Written in Pencil

Just recently I have been writing about how happy I was to be training again, my quest for the right shoe, and I was cruising right along.  Until I wasn't.  I have been battling a cold for the past 10+ days now, and not the standard issue cold, but the kind that holds on like grim death.  Last night it was at its worst - no meds of any kind helped, I was only semi-comfortable sitting up with my mouth  hanging open, and my sore nose glowed like Rudolph's.  I had gone for a couple runs early on in my illness only to see that I felt much worse the day after (thanks for pointing that out my dear training log). 

This is exactly what I've been feeling like lately. Yuck!

In an act of desperation last night I resorted to trying out a couple old wives tales pared with as much sleep as possible.  After sleeping for 11 hours with half an onion next to my bed and fresh garlic rubbed on the bottom of my feet, I felt the tide turn.  By this afternoon my congestion was about 80% relieved, and my lungs only half as tight as yesterday.  So naturally I started thinking about the necessary adjustments I'd have to make to my training plan to get back on track.

Eleven years ago when I first started getting into distances longer than a half marathon I was not quite so flexible.  If I felt a cold coming on, but my Hal Higdon training plan called for a 38 mile week, you'd better believe that I'd be getting all my miles in, even if it meant carrying a backpack full of Kleenex and running a pace comparable to that of a turtle.  I was a slave to the plan, and in my mind, they were all written in pen.  No changes allowed, if it was on the calendar, it had to be done.

My approach to training is much different now.  I realize and accept that my miles need to be approached with flexibility and mindfulness.  I no longer look at my body as something to be conquered, but something to be partnered with .  I am only 35, but have been running consistently now for 23 years, so working with my body is a priority if mine if I want to be running for another 23 years.  Tonight I will re-work my dry erase board to modify what I had already planned out for myself, and know that it doesn't put me behind, it just changes my approach.  I am working with myself and not against it to get me to the line in April, with my primary goal of being healthy when I get there.  A partnership dictated in pen is not the way to get myself there, but instead to move ahead with flexibility and moderation, in pencil. 

"It’s better to be 10% undertrained than 1% overtrained when you step up to the start line."

Full Body Cross Training Workout For You

For those of you that don’t know me personally, I also have a personal training background in addition to my running. I went through the certification programs at the Monkey Bar Gym here in Madison, where I learned a lot on writing workouts that are very challenging, don’t take up much space, use your own body weight for most things, and are incredibly time efficient. Here is a workout that I did last week that ROCKED. I had the good kind of soreness for a solid two days. Keep in mind, this is just what I did and the weights I used. Modify what you want, change reps, weight, whatever – it’s just a fun, but challenging full body workout. Have a great week my friends!

On a side note – when I write in the number reps, that means total. For example, I put 24 reps – meaning 12 on each side. For mountain climbers I did 100, meaning 50 on each leg.

I used a set of ten pound weights, five pound weights, and one kettlebell that weighed 12ish pounds.
I linked youtube videos to the exercises for those of you that aren't familiar with some of these.

Mountain Climbers (100)
Wide Leg Sit Ups (from P90X) (25)
Kettle Bell Swings (alternating hands) (16)
Plank Alts (14)
Toe Taps (100)
Weighted Lunges (24) (I used two ten pound weights)
Mason Twists (100)
Renegade Rows (12)  (I took it easier on this one with just two 5 pound weights)
Lying Leg Raises (25) (I do the version with legs straight, and don't let my feet touch the floor)
Kettle Bell Cleans (20)
High Boat Low Boat – One minute, changing positions every ten seconds.

This is high boat low boat - one my my favorite ab combinations


I went through this workout twice at the specified number of reps, and then went through a third time, only doing half the reps but not taking any rest inbetween.  It was a great full body workout that didn't take a ton of time. I ran an easy mile to warm up beforehand amd did some stretching after.  Enjoy!

On Line Dating... For Shoes.

It's finally time to break out the winter running gear, follow an actual training plan, and start looking ahead to the 2014 racing season!  Though I feel like I've been waiting for this for a WHILE, I did truly enjoy my rest time.  It was nice to know that I was really doing something positive for my body, and embrace that being healthy doesn't mean hammering out hard miles all year.

A couple weeks ago I picked up a new pair of shoes to break in before I had to start running consistently, and I hate to say it.... but they weren't quite right!  I have been in the Asics Nimbus for probably.... more than 3 years?  Once I found them I fell in love, felt at home with the smooth ride, all the cushioning, and not to sound like a girl... but the colors were AWESOME.  There was something about the toe box and mid-foot that was narrower than normal, and though I wanted to just get used to it, remembering the stress fracture I had on the top of my left foot in college reminded me that undue pressure on the top of my feet as I add miles is probably not a good idea. 


These are the beauties that, sadly, I only spent 20 miles with. :(

I tried a couple pairs of different shoes on down at Movin Shoes and left with a pair of Asics Cumulus to try for a run, but I'm already unsure because of a little heel slip I noticed as I jogged back to my car. 

Don't you  just hate it when this happens??  You develop a close relationship with the running shoes you always run in . You share private moments with your shoes, they become your training partners, and you grow to have part of your identity tied in with the shoes you always pair up with.  So now what do I do?  I feel like I lost a running buddy!  Of course when I got home I felt like I had to do some on-line research to find an appropriate shoe partner to look into.

As I used the Runner's World Shoe Finder tool, I couldn't help but feel like I was in the on-line dating world, but for shoes!  I had to enter my gender, my height, weight, arch height (which I felt was a little personal... :), miles per week, pronation pattern.  I have found a few options that I'm hoping to try if this current pair doesn't win me over.  Our first date run will be on Saturday, so we'll see how it goes.  The Cumulus has big shoes to fill.... maybe that's not the right phrase to use when you're literally talking about shoes... but anyway - we will see.  Like any smart girl, you shouldn't have very high expectations of a first date, whether it's with a male prospect or a shoe prospect. 

But as for my first training week, it went great!  I am trying two new things to help me be as consistent and well rounded with my training as possible.  The first thing is that I bought a dry erase board calendar that I have  hanging in my kitchen.  I wrote all my planned workouts for the month on there and color coded the different components - running, stretching, yoga, abs, drills, and cross training.  My theory is that if I see them every day, I'll be more likely to do them.  Plus I love crossing things off lists, so that's an added motivation.  I also am keeping a running log for the first time.  Hopefully with those to added pieces to my preparation for racing season it will keep me on the right track, and help me spot issues faster than if I wasn't documenting my progression. 

So now I'm back to my shoe screening process - I'm hopeful I'll find 'the one' within the week, but we all know there's lots of duds you have to try on before you find something you can commit 300 miles of foot time with.