5 Months Later: 3 Ways Italy Changed Me For The Better

Just 5 months ago I arrived back in the United States from a solo trip to Italy that involved mastering a tiny Fiat 500, navigating countless situations without knowing the language, deciphering the train ticketing process, using their tolls on the autoestrada, ….. You get the idea.  Everything is new when you’re in a foreign country, and there were a handful of moments where I would stop and wonder how that trip would impact me down the road. 

My darling little Fiat 500

It took some work to figure these out!

In the midst of constantly new situations there’s a certain level of stress, but it was always offset by the beauty and curiosity of the culture and the landscape. 

Vernazza

Now that it has been a few months since that epic adventure I feel like I have some degree of clarity on the impact it had. 

1 – Handling emotions.  Italians are the kings of expressing how they feel – they use big gestures, talk loudly, maybe even slap someone! Now I’m not saying I go around slapping people, but seeing how Italians in general would allow themselves to react, communicate their feelings (whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, or whatever else) and then move on with things was striking. It is soooooo American (and definitely Hulick American) to bottle things up.  Stuff it down, let it fester, try and ignore it, and when you least expect it, the cork blows off and look out – we lose our minds over something as inconsequential as traffic, someone writing a check in an express lane, or a person standing still on the escalator.     

Now this is a very different way of handling myself than I’ve traditionally done, but I’ve made a conscious effort to remind myself that actually feeling things and expressing myself real-time is an option.  And you know what?  When I do it, I feel better WAY more quickly.  And another bonus of that style…. Is that people see you as more human.  Imagine that! 

2 – Taking your damn time.  My first glimpse of slow moving, relaxed work styles was on a trip to Jamaica quite a few years ago.  I remember standing with my mouth gaping open as I looked at the ticketing counter in the Montego Bay airport.  There was a long line of people in front of me, and the employees standing behind the desk strolled and chit chatted with each other like they were the only ones there.  I thought my head would explode!

Now I knew Italians were slow movers – I had listened to Rick Steves’ words of advice to relax, take your time walking around, and blend in with the locals.  I was ready to pretend I was a slow walker. 

It didn’t take long to get the hang of slowing down and really looking around – every place I went to was ripe with beauty!  To stroll, look at how the sunlight hit the church steeples, take note of the seaplanes on Lake Como, and smile at a little girl eating gelato while getting it all over her flowered dress – it was easy.  After all, I was on vacation, AND I was in debatably one of the most beautiful countries in the world! 

Outside of driving, I was always moving in a lower gear on this trip. (Tearing around the curves in the Dolomites was way too fun to pass up!)  And what I found was that it allowed for my mind to move slower, and I was able to be much more present and interactive with everything around me.  At home that’s much harder to do, but reminding myself to slow down, not fill every moment of my calendar, and even allow for a slower run once in a while has proven to be really soothing for me. 

3 – Lesson #3 to me has been the most significant thing I learned.  Italians are wired completely differently than your average American in terms of acquiring things / improving things / upgrading things.  You often see people who live in the same tiny home that their grandparents were born in – they don’t have spacious living quarters, and a lot of times they don’t even have a yard.  They probably have a doorway that they keep swept and maybe even have a little religious shrine with candles and some statues, but that’s it.  The stones around the door may be crumbling away, the shudders on the windows (that don’t have any screens) have been there longer than anyone can remember, and every single car has dents in it. 

Typical shrine you see all over in Italy

Seeing these people be so happy with the small space they had, and the few items they owned made me take a hard look at where my money goes - what I buy and for what reason, and what my most expensive bills are.  Every month I take more strides to be more aware of where I’m spending and have cancelled my cable, started more intentional budgeting of my non-bills money, and am even debating downgrading my car when my lease is up next November. I mean, I love the Benz, but wouldn’t I be just as happy driving a mid-range sedan to and from work?   In all honesty, probably. 

Typical residential alley in Chioggia

This one makes it easier to see how close
people's homes are to each other.  Nesso, Italy.

It seems to be a very American habit to keep buying things, upgrading your car/house/boat/motorcycle/wardrobe, and I really question why that matters.  You can’t take any of that with you when you go, and one of my favorite things I’ve heard recently is ‘you don’t ever see a hearse with a roofrack’.  So true.  Egyptians tried to take their prized possessions with them, and eventually people dug it up and stole it anyway.

So now as I look back, I can see that this trip has caused me to shift some of my values.  I place much higher value on my relationships than I do with being ‘busy’ or getting new things.  I recognize that letting myself express an emotion right away and then moving past it serves me way better than brooding or trying to ignore it.  And slowing down doesn’t mean you look like a person that doesn’t have purpose.  You are simply a person enjoying your experience.  And it’s okay.  (I never thought I’d ever say that.)

Thank you Italy for the things I learned, and thank you Hayley Acosta for convincing me to come, and taking me in for the first few nights. 

Next European adventure:  Athens, Greece and Istanbul, Turkey in November 2016.

Breaking The Cycle

When I accepted the job offer to start coaching high school cross country 8 years ago, I took that role very seriously.  I didn’t just want to be a good role model in terms of my running and my health, but I wanted to be a role model of what it looks like to be a good person, to make good choices, and to show them that it is always okay to speak up when something doesn’t sit right with you. 

Today I weighed heavily on how to deal with something that hasn’t been sitting right with me recently. Something that has weaved in and out of my life for the last 4 years.  And today I finally decided that instead of shrinking with fear about something, I would do the opposite.  I would do what I hope any athlete I have ever worked with would choose to do.  And that is to give voice to what makes you the most uncomfortable.  After all, I think that those things that weigh the most heavily on you, are the things that most need to be talked about. 

A few years ago I came face to face with a very volatile situation with someone I once considered a friend, a person that I thought was a good human being.  Over the course of a few months he quickly showed me otherwise.  I made quick and drastic life choices to cut this person out of my life and to move in the very opposite direction.  What I didn’t see coming was years of him harassing me.  I was followed, he would send things to my work and to the high school I coach at, he would leave very cryptic voicemails, texts and emails.  My skin would crawl and I’d be racked with fear every time he would surface.  One instance of him following me from work had me looking in my rear view mirror more often that I care to admit.  I even went to the extent of having broken glass outside my first floor bedroom window.  That way if someone were to be milling around outside I’d hear the glass crunching before they tried to enter. 

With this person, a few months of silence are always followed by an incredibly odd gesture by him.  I ran into him at a coffee shop in February of this year, and on May 29^th I received a letter from him 

that contained these excerpts:

*******

*******

*******

*******

Is the hair on the back of your neck standing up?  I know mine was, and is whenever I think about that letter.

Fast forward to this past July. I was in Italy having the adventure of a lifetime.  On my first night staying in Salo at a very upscale hotel on Lake Garda, a man sitting alone at the table next to me asked if I wanted to join him for some company. I was almost done with my limoncello and figured it would be nice to talk with an English speaker.  General conversation about travel, work, and music, led to an hour later when he asked me if I wanted another glass of wine.  I said no thank you.  He strongly said ‘you really should have another.’  My internal radar went off to tell me that he had high whack-a-doodle potential, so I called it a night. 

The next morning after my workout I ran into him in the breakfast area. I said hello since he clearly saw me.  Then he said ‘I’m so glad I ran into you! I wanted to send you a message, but now that I see you in person I don’t have to!  I found your Facebook profile last night, it’s surprising how easy it is to find Tracey in Madison, Wisconsin.  I’m not a stalker or anything.’  I was instantly creeped out and turned incredibly cold. My afternoon at the hotel pool was unfortunately spent ignoring him as he tried to make small talk.  Eventually he left because he had to catch a flight back to Switzerland. 

End of story, right?  Wrong.  A few days later I had a Facebook friend request from him, along with a message about how John Legend was playing in Switzerland that night. (I had mentioned pre-creep factor that I really liked John Legend).  I didn’t reply, and shortly thereafter blocked him.  Then he pops up requesting to follow me on Instagram – the photos of his that I can see are things that pertained to us meeting. The hotel, the pool there, and even a screenshot of a John Legend song I said I liked playing on his phone.  BLOCK.  Then he builds another Facebook profile with the hotel pool as the cover photo.  BLOCK.  Another Instagram account from him asking to follow me.  BLOCK.  Get the picture? 

 

Then Friday he builds another profile, sends another message about how lovely it was meeting me, blah blah blah.  Then sends three pictures that shows he’s traveling – one photo was of a plane engine above the clouds.  CREEPY.  I sent a message stating exactly this: ‘I do not wish to correspond with you.  Please cease all attempts to contact me.’ BLOCK. 

Maybe this person is just socially inept, has no emotional intelligence, and is very lonely (despite the fact that he’s married with two kids).  I don’t know what his defect is that he tirelessly tries to get in contact with someone he talked with about general topics with for a single hour, more than 4 months ago.   But what I do know is this – it’s creepy, it’s unnecessary, and I did nothing to provoke him, OR the other man I referenced. 

That was something I needed to remind myself of.  Over the years I had been pretty quiet about what that first man was doing, and what kinds of oddball things he was writing (he at one point sent me a letter to work, telling me he psychically connected to my dog, and that he was sick. .. umm… nope.).  I felt ashamed to bring it up to anyone. I figured that if I brought up this crazy acting person and what he was doing, it would reflect poorly on me.  Maybe people would think I provoked it. Or asked for it.  Or it was payback for not realizing sooner that he was unstable. 

But today, as I thought about the man I met in Italy whose new favorite hobby seems to be creating new social media profiles to try and contact me, and this previous person who I lost countless hours of sleep over, I thought of my athletes.  If one of my athletes were to be in the same situation, how would I hope she would respond? I sure as hell wouldn’t urge her to suffer in silence. 

Shame and fear, when kept in the dark, breed more of the same. 

I think of these two men, and though I choose not to name them, they don’t deserve my ‘protection’, or my silence.  Fuck that.  Fuck staying quiet and shrinking into the shadows.  Fuck allowing someone else to make me feel like I’m not safe in my evening commute, or when out running a few miles in the dark.  Fuck any person that has caused another person to live in fear, for whatever reason. 

This is my first (big) step to ending that previous cycle of staying quiet and assuming that the harassing person will just disappear.  Statistically, I am sure that some of my readers have experienced similar things.  How you choose to respond is up to you.  As for me, I’m ready to start a new cycle.  One in which my athletes can see a role model of a person who will stand up for herself, be courageous, and not take blame for something that isn’t their fault.  Someone who is willing to speak up and give voice to something that is really uncomfortable to talk about.  And I hope it gives them license to do the same. 

When The Wheels Fall Off

In my most recent post I announced my big goal of attempting to land myself in the top 10 women finishers ever in the FANS 12 Hour Ultra Race.  I have a very elaborate training plan.  I have taken my nutrition, strength, flexibility, balance, sleep, and even natural energy patterns into consideration.  And you know what?  Even with all that planning, shit happens.  You can’t control everything, and to be completely honest, there’s very little you control at all. 

Tuesday night I ran with my usual group of awesome runner friends on a route that should have been a breeze.  It was a 6+ mile route around places I was familiar, with familiar faces, and is something I had done countless times before.  Slam dunk, right?  Wrong.  WAY wrong.  The entire run felt like I was going uphill, through quicksand with twin toddlers pulling at my legs.  I was flat out miserable.  Lungs burning. Hands freezing.  Feet barely getting off the ground.  I was thankful that I had a great guy running with me that helped me stay focused, and even remind me that it was great practice for having to run uncomfortable during next year’s 12 hour event.  It was my most difficult run in years. 

I also currently have a few people in my life that I care very much about that are struggling with their own sets of challenges.  Addictions, relationship troubles, you name it.  Things are heavy in my circle right now.  And they are challenges that I can’t do anything about.  As much as I like to swoop in and make person’s day, fix a problem, and come to the rescue, there was nothing I could do for any of them. 

As I proceeded to stew about my horrible run, and these sweet people that are struggling, it wasn’t until I took a step back, caught up on some sleep, and did some good self-care, that it hit me.   I was focused on what I don’t want.  I was thinking about how badly I didn’t want another horrible run like that, about how I didn’t want these people to feel alone or helpless.  I felt frozen in that line of thinking.  Until this morning. 

I woke up with resolve to attack my day and get my head on straight.  I wanted to focus on what I could control - my actions and my intentions. Time to think about what I DO want.  I want to have solid workouts, so I need to stick to proper nutrition, hydration, and sleep.  I want the people I’m concerned about to know that I care, that I’m in their corner, and that I will continue to be there.  THAT I can control, because that’s on me.  Those are things I can have influence over.  It feels so much better to DO something than be frozen in what you’re afraid of, or what you desperately don’t want to happen. 

Tonight I get back up on the running ‘horse’ so to speak, and know that I’ve taken better care of myself to increase my likelihood of a better run.  And if for some reason it’s a struggle again, I will rely on the wonderful people around me to help me get through it, and I’ll focus on what I can do to make the next one better. 

I will also reach out to those people that have been on my mind, and remind them that I’m thinking of them.  It doesn’t solve the problem, but it is something I can do and feel good about.  And that is a step in a much more powerful direction.

If this resonates with you and you could use a mental boost to switch you own gears, give this a listen.  Peter Sage is awesome. 

http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/peter-sage-certainty-myth-episode-330/

My BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal)

                With the drop of temperatures, falling of the leaves, and ending of yet another season of coaching cross country, I annually find myself thinking about my next ‘season’.  Our lives are made up of seasons. For me, after a season of devoting a significant amount of time to my athletes, I enter into a season that is self-serving.  I choose to spend time focusing on my own health and fitness, or on other areas I want to pay attention to, like relationships, or learning a new skill.  This investment in myself for the span of a few months allows me to give so much of myself in other parts of the year.

                Over the last few weeks I’ve spent time mulling over what I will work towards in this season.  I knew I wanted to set a running goal for myself that I hadn’t ever considered.  Something that will push me out of my comfort zone.  Something that I previously thought I couldn’t do. Something that would require a different kind of training and approach than I’ve used in the past.  After running some marathons, a couple trail 50k’s, and a 3 person Ragnar Relay, I have set my sights on something bigger.  Something…. Audacious. 

                I am signing up to run a 12 hour trail race in June of 2016.  Now that in itself is a challenge, but I wanted to up the ante even more.  Not just set a big goal, but set a Big Hairy Audacious Goal.  I want to clear 100k on race day.  But as my BHAG, I want to land in the top ten women finishers in the history of the race. (Holy shit, yep. I just declared that publicly.)  As of right now the woman in 10^th place ran 66.24 miles. 

                I’m sure quite a few of my readers think this is crazy.  And you know what?  It is.  And that’s what I love about it. 

What’s the fun in setting a goal you know you can accomplish?  

That’s why I’m thinking big here.  Really big.  Audaciously big. 

                Over the upcoming months I’ll be sharing information about my training, how things are going, the victories along the way, and the inevitable blunders.  The training plan I have designed to give me the best possible shot at achieving this goal is a two phase plan.  Phase one is focused primarily on strength, flexibility, and base miles.  Phase two has enough strength workouts to maintain the progress I’ve made, and increasing mileage. After each completed month I'll publish my training calendar so you can use it, modify it, whatever you like. 

                I invite you to follow along, take a peek into the mind and lifestyle of an endurance runner, and be a part of the pursuit of my biggest goal yet.  Laugh at my quirks, learn from my mistakes, question my sanity, and maybe even be inspired to set a BHAG of your own.  After all, fortune favors the audacious.  

"The most fearless hearts, the audacious dreamers, have always maintained a sense of optimism that often flies in the face of the available evidence."

Martin O'Malley

7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Starting My Career

Three years ago I took a leap of faith and left a company I had been with for 9 years, to go to a competitor, and work in management for the first time. As much technical knowledge and experience as I had, I was definitely nervous about what was in store. 

Now I am celebrating my three year anniversary at First Business Bank, and almost twelve years in banking.   (Did I really just say 12 years???)  I will never claim to have things all figured out, but I have learned a lot of lessons along the way.

Here is my list of the 7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Staring My Career:

1 – ASK.  Ask questions, ask people for their opinions, if you’re not sure why something is done a certain way, ASK.  Asking questions is important, and asking powerful questions is even better.  It can be easy to only ask questions when it’s absolutely necessary.  You likely want to fly under the radar when you’re starting out and just learn to do things the way they’ve always been done.  Asking questions shows that you are thinking and that you care.  If you ask bigger picture questions, it shows you will go above and beyond in your thinking, and your work. 

2 - Eat lunch and attend happy hours with people outside of your department.  Building connections with people in your company that are in other areas will pay dividends.  You will have more allies at work, and when you are tasked with something that involves these other departments, you’ll have a smoother go of it if you’re already familiar with someone involved. 

3 – Remember people’s names and use them.  I have always struggled with remembering names, and last year I made a conscious effort to use people’s names when I greet them.  It was amazing how people’s responses to me changed! People are always at least moderately friendly, but when you use their name it becomes a much stronger link between the two of you.  Even Dale Carnegie knew this when he wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People back in the 1930’s.  He said that hearing your own name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.  He’s right.

4 – Become the expert in areas people shy away from.  You will learn quickly in a new job that there are tasks people willingly take on, and then there other things people will groan about and try to avoid.  In my first bank job people dodged participation loans, SBA loans, report writing, and New Market Tax Credit loans.  So what did I work hard at specializing in?  Participation loans, SBA loans, report writing, and New Market Tax Credit loans.  This will quickly set you apart as someone who doesn’t back away from challenge, which is invaluable when you’re trying to stand out in a positive way.

5 – Dress for the job you want, not just the job you have.  Starting out I could barely afford groceries, let alone a wardrobe of dress clothes.  I would buy things cheap, and wear them till they wore out.  Over time I learned through observation that there was a difference in perception of people who barely met the dress code, and those that put themselves together well daily.  Now before I go much further, I don’t think you should be judged by your looks and clothes.  We’re all glorious people full of potential no matter what we wear.  BUT, most of the information someone gets from meeting you once is from your appearance.  You have a choice to use that to your advantage or not.

6 – Respect those who aren’t present.  a.k.a.  Don’t trash talk co-workers.  When starting a new job it is very easy to cling to the first group of people that accept you.  If you quickly find they are a group that will gossip and talk badly about other employees whenever they have a chance, graciously distance yourself from them.  They’re the toxic ones everyone knows about, and you don’t want to be in that category.   People watch new employees closely, so this is a great chance to show your integrity and gain trust.  If you rise above the shit talking and instead spin conversations in a constructive way, people will respect you, and will know you won’t trash them as soon as they leave the room.

7 – Relationships are JUST as important as tasks. This threads through everything I’ve written about in this post.  It is really important to be knowledgeable and great at the work you are required to do, but the other side of the equation is the people.  You will never know which co-worker will eventually be your boss, or be close to someone in HR at a competitor.  The absolute best thing you can do is make it a point to get to know people, be sincere, take the high road, and manage yourself with integrity.  There’s no telling how one bad relationship could ruin your chances at your dream job, or one good relationship could open the door to a golden opportunity.

There's no shortage of fun relationships to build at First Business!

 

 

The Gift of Measuring Back

Today I had a moment where I was home for lunch walking my dog and I was ELATED.   I was basking in the beautiful day, walking in my neighborhood that is gorgeous, feeling excited about a great meeting I just had at work that is an amazing opportunity for my writing, enjoying my lack of financial stress, and reveling in the happiness that I felt independent of outside circumstances. 

I mean, I felt so happy inside and out – I think of that scene from Singin’ in the Rain! Now I wasn’t dancing, but I was so full of appreciation for where my life is at and all the things that are going my way! 

Then of course that little voice pops up in the back of my head – ‘how is all this good stuff happening for you right now?  You don’t want to celebrate too much because people will potentially be jealous or think it was all luck and not your hard work that got you here.’ 

Thankfully those little voices are easier for me to keep at bay than they used to be.  All I had to do was ‘measure back’.  I often think back to where I was at 6 months ago, 1 year ago, 5 years ago – and take an inventory of where I was then compared to where I’m at now. 

So let’s take that trip back in time.  (Be forewarned, it’s not pretty.)  6 months ago it was December 9^th. 

I was 4 days into getting to know my new dog.   

I was 22 days into grieving the loss of my beloved dog Dresden, who had a horrible death due to an aggressive tumor.

Gut wrenching.

And I was less than two months into grieving the loss of a relationship that I fully felt was ‘the one’.

It wasn’t good.  At all.

I recently came across a journal entry from mid-January where I was celebrating having my first day without crying in a few months, so I know on December 9^th I was in the thick of all that. 

Now, this topic isn’t glamorous.  This isn’t the kind of throwback that we typically share on Facebook on Thursdays.  We’re much more apt to highlight the good times, and our own personal highlight reel.  Fuck the highlight reel.  It may be more socially acceptable, but this is the stuff that GROWTH is made of.  The nasty, gritty, knock you on your ass stuff. 

People often keep these times quiet and only share with a few close friends, but it’s important for me to acknowledge that awful time, while celebrating the current. 

I know I wouldn’t be in this position if it wasn’t for the dark end of 2014.  It made me set goals, albeit small ones.  Those goals started out as ‘keep yourself together at work today’, or ‘send a nice card to someone who doesn’t expect it’.  They slowly grew as I grew.

Measuring back allows you to see how you've grown, what choices you made then that put you where you are now.  Measuring back to a time where I was so low that it felt like a survival skill to set small goals for each day, allows for me to really appreciate every facet of my world right now.  The people in it, the things on my calendar, my health, my everything. 

 

National Running Day

I have consistently been running for 25 years now, and over time my relationship with running has changed countless times.  In stressful moments it’s my outlet, in the middle of winter it’s my enemy, on cool spring nights it’s my best friend. 

On this day, June 5, 2015, as I celebrate National Running Day, here are my top five reasons why I run right now.

5 – To be Social – to cover miles and chatter away about anything and everything – work, guys, ideas, frustrations, funny stories, it’s all fair game. 

4 – To be Alone – I still struggle with turning down invitations to do things when I’d rather be alone, but when I have a run scheduled, I feel very comfortable saying ‘Sorry, I’m doing an 11 miler that night!  My race is less than two weeks away and I want to be as prepared as possible.’  On those days I’ll often leave the iPod and gps watch at home and just go – wherever I want, at whatever pace I want, think about everything or nothing, and soak up the surroundings.  This is often times the fastest and most exhilarating way for me to regain my balance after a long day.  I’d probably be sitting in a jail cell somewhere if I didn’t do this on a regular basis….

3 – To Feel Alive – I love the feeling of not just occupying the space within my body, but being fully engaged in it!  I’m talking sore legs, winded, tight core from yoga the day before, skin feels on fire because it’s 80° out kind of engaged.  This skeleton, skin and muscle of ours goes with us everywhere we go for our entire lives, and to be able to run and feel like I’m shooting electricity through the whole thing and lighting up my mind in the process feels nothing short of AMAZING.  To me, that’s what life feels like.

2 – Adventure! - There’s something about running without intention of where you’re going to stumble across a great book store, coffee shop, beautiful house, or expansive park.  I love to run in new places rather than drive or bike because you feel interactive with the landscape. I say hi to everyone I see (and their dogs) and I LOVE that.  I’ve run into old friends, secret trails, amazing mountain views, moose, and protests to name a few, all because I set out on foot without a direction.  In just a month I’ll be having countless running adventures in Italy and I can’t wait to see where my feet and my faulty internal compass take me!

1 – Because I Can. - I am very aware that age will catch up with me at some point (if I am fortunate enough to live that long), and my long strides will turn into a shuffle.  My running shoes will be replaced with sensible support shoes. (Okay, maybe not actually.  I can see myself in Asics at 90!)  My strong shoulders will eventually weaken, and my sweat will come from walking up the stairs instead of bounding through the mountains.  Aging is inevitable, and running allows me to tap into my own fountain of youth,  run up the stairs two at a time, carry the 40 pound bag of dog food through Menards, help old ladies carry their groceries out to their car, and quickly dart across the road to beat the traffic light.  I embrace this agility and ability every. Single. Day.  Pushing my limits keeps me young, vibrant, inspiring and human.  And I will strive to do this until I no longer can. 

Happy National Running Day my friends.  Run short, run long, just run.  Because you can.  See you on the trail.

 

What? You Mean Now I Actually Have to DO Something??

Well my friends, this is my fifth and final piece in this series on how to level up your mindset.  We’ve been in the trenches talking about self-limiting speech, ways we get caught in our thoughts and go a little nuts, and the importance of choosing who we spend time with.  Each week I’ve given different ways to challenge yourselves, try something new, and focus your attention in a new way.  So now what? 

Now it’s time to take action, and do something. Many of the wonderful readers of my blogs strive for perfection.  They want to be the best they can, produce flawless results, have perfect children, write the best thank you card – you name it, they want to be perfect at it.  But with a goal of perfection, often comes paralysis.  You don’t want to do a single thing unless you have ALL the information, have thought about every which way of doing something, and you finally feel like you can do something impeccably.  Does this sound like you?  Have you read my series every week and given it some serious thought, but still find yourself doing the exact same things you were doing 5 weeks ago?  Or even 5 years ago?

What we do now is to make a step forward.  ANY step forward.  If you know you are one of those people that needs a mountain of information before taking action, give yourself a vacation from that for now.  I like to think about the movie What About Bob?  Remember when his doctor told him to take a vacation from his problems?  Well now I, Dr. Tracey, give you a prescription to take a vacation from your perfectionism!

The beauty of deciding to do even one small thing to get moving, is makes it that much easier to keep taking steps!  We all know that ‘a body at rest stays at rest, a body in motion stays in motion’ thanks to Newton’s Laws of Motion, and we are no exception!  Getting the gusto to do just one thing differently when you’ve been stuck in your ways is tough, but it gets easier once you get a little momentum going.  SO much easier. 

One of my favorite quotes is ‘if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.’  So true!  If you want a better life for yourself, a more positive way to look at things, a more supportive system of friends in your life, decide this week to take a step!

I am going to share three different steps I have taken in three different categories in my life that have led to big changes in the long run.  There are clearly infinite things you can decide to do, but here’s my contribution to get your ball rolling.

Finances:  Two years ago I decided to get more serious about living below my means, eliminating debt, and creating a better monthly cash flow.  I started with the simple intention for one day to not use my credit cards.  That’s it.  One day not using credit.  Then the second day I had the same intention.  I did that for a while and then I set another intention in place – to pay at least some extra money down on a credit account every other week.  Even if it’s only $5.  Now two years later, I am extremely happy to share that I paid of my last remaining credit card debt today.  My initial step was so incredibly small, and now here I sit with the amazing feeling of knowing my credit accounts are all at $0.00!  Those small steps over time add up to significance.

Writing:  I have loved writing since I was a kid, and even graduated from UW Madison with an English degree.  I absolutely enjoy the writing experience, but never felt comfortable sharing it with people.  I felt really comfortable writing notes to friends, or lengthy letters to my old military boyfriend in my early 20’s, but the idea of putting my thoughts out there for multiple people scared the living shit out of me!  No joke.  Five years ago I decided to start my first blogging project, and I only told maybe 5 people.  I did a few entries before my fear of people’s judgement overrode my desire to get my writing out in a public space.  A little over a year later I did another blogging project under a different name and successfully attracted readers from across the globe! And as you know now, I have this current project which originally started as a running specific venture, but has been re-worked into a way to share my journey to Level Up in every facet of my life.  I know that at some point in my future I want to publish a book. I don’t know what it will be about, or how I’ll do it, but I do know that if I keep taking steps towards that, I’ll get there eventually.  You don’t have to know every step of how to get somewhere you want to be, you only need to figure out your next step.

Public Speaking:  Now we’re talking not just fear, but an all-out phobia.  Ever since as far as I can remember, I was petrified of speaking in front of people.  If I was in a choral concert, standing on the risers amidst all my classmates I was fine – I’d mouth the words like half my classmates and blend in like a chameleon.  But push me to the front of the room, standing at a podium with notecards and I’d lose it.  I wouldn’t feel butterflies in my stomach, I’d feel a flock of angry pelicans!   We’re talking full body shaking, ringing in the ears, heart pounding out of my chest, and mental paralysis.  It was TERRIBLE.  I made my first attempt to tackle this phobia my sophomore year of high school.  At the time Comedy Sportz was popular, and my good friend’s other brother invited me to join.  I took a leap of faith and joined, and no matter how much I’d practice, I’d throw up before each performance.  I’d lose multiple nights of sleep, be sick, and damn near give myself a heart attack, but I did it.  I was facing my fear, but I didn’t feel it dissipating.  Then in college I took an Argumentation and Debate class my senior year, only to bomb miserably in my final.  And when I say I bombed, it was BAD.  A classmate literally stopped me and asked me to sit in a chair. I was shaking so much he was afraid I was going to fall!  Then in April of 2014 I decided to join Toastmasters International.  I hold myself accountable to present something there roughly once a month, and I am SO happy to say I can get up in front of a room and present something without completely wanting to throw myself out the window!  I’m still a long ways off from commanding a room at TedX, but I’ll get there.  I know I’ll get there because I’ll keep taking action.

 

It all started with a single step! And as you can see, I fell flat sometimes too.  But in every case I dusted myself off and launched into action again.  That’s the beauty of this – just moving forward in some way, even if it doesn’t end up ‘successful’ in the general sense, doesn’t mean it was wasted effort.  It is all a chance to practice, and you can always change your mind, refine your direction, or just adjust your sails.

Thanks for all the awesome feedback on this series - it's made it an incredibly fun process, and I love that some of you felt inspired to share with me the steps you are putting into action.  We all have the power to author our own lives and I light up whenever I hear anyone tell me their story of how they're doing just that.  So THANK YOU.  

What’s coming up next…..  

I’ll be posting some entries over the upcoming four weeks about a couple races I have coming up. I decided last minute to jump into a Ragnar Relay team that needed someone to fill the shoes of a member who dropped out, so now I’m basically trying to whip myself into marathon shape over only four and a half weeks!   (Yes I’m super tired and eating everything in sight – it will be worth it though!) I also have a half marathon two weeks after that, then it’s Italian vacation time!! I’ll be doing regular posts from Italy so you can follow along with where I am and can laugh along with me at the situations I am sure to get myself into while driving through Northern Italy with only a loose itinerary for a game plan.  Ciao! J

I couldn't have said it better myself.
 

 

 

 

Choosing Who You Spend Time With - It Matters!

Welcome to week 4!  When I kicked off this blogging project I was estimating that I’d roll this out in 7 installments.  Now that I have been at this a few weeks, it’s more important for me to focus on giving you the most important pieces of changing your mindset, so I’m condensing this series to 5.  My purpose in sharing all this is to hopefully inspire at least some people to take even one nugget and at least try it out.  That’s it.  So I’m focusing on presenting the most powerful tools I have come across in working on having a proactive, powerful mindset in my life.  And today is a big one.  A big, fat, important, awesome, incredibly impactful one.  Are you ready for this?  Okay let’s go.  J

It’s time to think about your surroundings.  I’m not talking about the paint color on your walls, or the amount of natural light you have in your house.  I’m talking about your people surroundings.  Who do you elect to spend the most time with?  Friends? Family? A significant other?  Write down the 5 – 10 people that you spend the most time with.

Now think about whether you get a positive, or a negative charge from that person.  If you have someone that you find to be draining (you have less energy after spending time with them, they complain a lot, gossip, have a victim mentality), then put a minus sign next to their name.  On the flipside, are there people on your list that you get really excited to see? You have more energy after being with them?  They look at the positive side of things, and inspire you? Put a positive sign next to their name.    

Now let’s do an inventory – what does your population of +’s and –‘s look like?  If you’ve got more –‘s than +’s, that’s a problem.  Even one minus can be a problem. 

I’ve talked a lot in this series about your power to choose – we always have a choice.  This may come as a big surprise, but you have the power to choose who you spend time with! You may have a friend on your list with a minus sign next to their name, and you stay friends with them because you’ve been friends for so long.  Or maybe you’re in a relationship with that minus sign.  And you know what – you can choose to not be around them anymore!  It may sound harsh, but look at it this way – if you’re surrounded by –‘s that drain you, how does that impact you?  I’m willing to bet that if your list is filled with negative people, you my friend, may also be viewed as negative.  Sorry to break it to you. 

Jim Rohn is a very famous American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker, and he said one of my favorite quotes about this.  “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If your five people are negative, have a victim mentality, gossip, and don’t work toward any goals, it’s going to be hard as hell for you to succeed in those areas. 

A few years ago I took a personal inventory of those I considered my closest friends, and decided to do the uncomfortable and overhaul my friend group.  I wanted to be close to more people that had goals, worked towards being better versions of themselves, people that would run their day instead of letting their day run them.  I won’t lie – it was a hard process.  Really hard, but now I have this amazing group of people that light me up, inspire me to be better, challenge me to think differently, give back, and be impeccable in my word!  It is light years easier to succeed in living the kind of life I want to lead when I have a support system of people that value the same things.  It’s that simple. 

Personal Story Time!  Last year I really wanted to focus on forming more female friendships, so I signed up to go to a seminar that was sponsoredby Brava. It’s for women that were focused on both personal and career development.  That morning as I got ready to attend I was thinking about my desire to make more like-minded female friends, so I set the intention of going to this seminar, sitting next to people I didn’t know, and to talk to at least three different women.  I chose a seat in a section of the room I wouldn’t naturally pick, and before long a friendly seeming woman came and sat next to me.  As we listened to the speaker (Darcy Luoma) present, I noticed that the woman next to me seemed to have a similar sense of humor, and responded to the same material that resonated with me.  We were partners for a few of the exercises, and I knew I instantly liked her.  As the seminar wrapped up I sat there with a business card in my hand thinking ‘okay, how do I give this person my business card without it being weird?  Is this weird?  Do I just throw it at her and run off and hope she calls?  Or do I just say that I’m looking for more friends?  Is THAT weird???’  In the end I turned to her and said ‘I’m always looking for like-minded people to talk about these kinds of topics with, can I give you my card?’  She happily accepted and gave me hers, and suggested we get together sometime to go to The Dream Bank.  I think that was about a year ago now, and I can say that the woman I met (Carly) is one of my favorite people and most inspiring friends! 

This is Carly and I with Darcy Luoma at Dream Bank!

There are countless ways to optimize your chances of meeting someone new that will complement your life and what you’re working towards.

Let’s say you have a goal to run a half marathon, and the closest five people in your life are very sedentary.  Seek out a beginners running group so you have people around you that help you towards your goal.

Or maybe you’re a young professional that’s starting out and you want to focus on moving up the ladder and learning as much as you can, but your friends are all complacent in their work and prefer to coast through.  You could look into joining a young professionals group (like the Rosenberry Society) and meet people through that.

It doesn’t have to be a harsh process of banishing long-time friends from your life just because they see the glass as half empty.  You can naturally displace these people from what I call your ‘first tier friends’ to ‘second tier friends’ by making a conscious effort to meet more people that are in alignment with your values. 

Some of you may be saying ‘but Tracey, some of my people are family members! I can’t just not see them anymore!’  I can understand that.  But there is something you can do there.  Set limits.  Maybe you normally go to a relative’s house for a holiday and stay for 6 hours, hating every second.  Instead, set the limit of only going for two.  Sure, some people may not like it, but you are allowed to make that choice!  This exercise is all about helping you set up your surroundings to help you be who you want to be.  If that’s a high enough priority to you, you will allow yourself to set some limits.

I also want to address your work environment.  Most of us spend a lot of time at work during any given week, and most likely you have a mix of co-workers that are –‘s and +’s.  You probably can’t go around and fire anyone you consider to be a -, but you can work on limiting those relationships too.  You don’t need to go to lunch with them, take breaks with them, or idly chit chat about the weekend with them if you feel that impacts you negatively.  Sure, as you pull back from those –‘s you may meet some resistance.  Remind yourself that you’re creating a better space for yourself to grow, and those –‘s can go on being –‘s around someone else. 

I hope this helps you to identify those people near you that could use the boot!  Here are a few resources for some added reinforcement if you’re interested.  This can be a really hard practice, but I can attest first-hand to how great it feels to have a network of people that lift you up, and not weigh you down. 

Jack Canfield

http://jackcanfield.com/you-are-who-your-friends-are/

Podcast by Andrea Owen of Your Kickass Life – ‘How To Be An Amazing Friend + How To Manifest Your Tribe’

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/027

If you want any ideas from me on ways to meet people that are in alignment with what you’re looking for, just shoot me an email, I’d be happy to help you brainstorm! You can contact me at LevelUpCoaching1@gmail.com