Welcome to week 4!
When I kicked off this blogging project I was estimating that I’d roll
this out in 7 installments. Now that I
have been at this a few weeks, it’s more important for me to focus on giving
you the most important pieces of changing your mindset, so I’m condensing this
series to 5. My purpose in sharing all
this is to hopefully inspire at least some people to take even one nugget and
at least try it out. That’s it. So I’m focusing on presenting the most
powerful tools I have come across in working on having a proactive, powerful
mindset in my life. And today is a big
one. A big, fat, important, awesome,
incredibly impactful one. Are you ready
for this? Okay let’s go. J
It’s time to think about your surroundings. I’m not talking about the paint color on your
walls, or the amount of natural light you have in your house. I’m talking about your people
surroundings. Who do you elect to spend
the most time with? Friends? Family? A
significant other? Write down the 5 – 10
people that you spend the most time with.
Now think about whether you get a positive, or a negative
charge from that person. If you have
someone that you find to be draining (you have less energy after spending time
with them, they complain a lot, gossip, have a victim mentality), then put a
minus sign next to their name. On the
flipside, are there people on your list that you get really excited to see? You
have more energy after being with them?
They look at the positive side of things, and inspire you? Put a positive
sign next to their name.
Now let’s do an inventory – what does your population of +’s
and –‘s look like? If you’ve got more
–‘s than +’s, that’s a problem. Even one
minus can be a problem.
I’ve talked a lot in this series about your power to choose
– we always have a choice. This may come as a big surprise, but you have
the power to choose who you spend time with! You may have a friend on your list
with a minus sign next to their name, and you stay friends with them because
you’ve been friends for so long. Or
maybe you’re in a relationship with that minus sign. And you know what – you can choose to not be
around them anymore! It may sound harsh,
but look at it this way – if you’re surrounded by –‘s that drain you, how does
that impact you? I’m willing to bet that
if your list is filled with negative people, you my friend, may also be viewed
as negative. Sorry to break it to
you.
Jim Rohn is a very famous American entrepreneur, author and
motivational speaker, and he said one of my favorite quotes about this. “You
are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If your
five people are negative, have a victim mentality, gossip, and don’t work
toward any goals, it’s going to be hard as hell for you to succeed in those
areas.
A few years ago I took a personal inventory of those I
considered my closest friends, and decided to do the uncomfortable and overhaul
my friend group. I wanted to be close to
more people that had goals, worked towards being better versions of themselves,
people that would run their day instead of letting their day run them. I won’t lie – it was a hard process. Really hard, but now I have this amazing
group of people that light me up, inspire me to be better, challenge me to
think differently, give back, and be impeccable in my word! It is light years easier to succeed in living
the kind of life I want to lead when I have a support system of people that
value the same things. It’s that
simple.
Personal Story Time! Last year I really wanted to focus on forming
more female friendships, so I signed up to go to a seminar that was sponsoredby Brava. It’s for women that were focused on both personal and career
development. That morning as I got ready
to attend I was thinking about my desire to make more like-minded female
friends, so I set the intention of going to this seminar, sitting next to people
I didn’t know, and to talk to at least three different women. I chose a seat in a section of the room I
wouldn’t naturally pick, and before long a friendly seeming woman came and
sat next to me. As we listened to the
speaker (Darcy Luoma) present, I noticed that the woman next to me seemed to
have a similar sense of humor, and responded to the same material that resonated
with me. We were partners for a few of
the exercises, and I knew I instantly liked her. As the seminar wrapped up I sat there with a
business card in my hand thinking ‘okay, how do I give this person my business
card without it being weird? Is this
weird? Do I just throw it at her and run
off and hope she calls? Or do I just say
that I’m looking for more friends? Is
THAT weird???’ In the end I turned to
her and said ‘I’m always looking for like-minded people to talk about these
kinds of topics with, can I give you my card?’
She happily accepted and gave me hers, and suggested we get together
sometime to go to The Dream Bank. I
think that was about a year ago now, and I can say that the woman I met (Carly)
is one of my favorite people and most inspiring friends!
 |
| This is Carly and I with Darcy Luoma at Dream Bank! |
There are countless ways to optimize your chances of meeting
someone new that will complement your life and what you’re working towards.
Let’s say you have a goal to run a half marathon, and the
closest five people in your life are very sedentary. Seek out a beginners running group so you
have people around you that help you towards your goal.
Or maybe you’re a young professional that’s starting out and
you want to focus on moving up the ladder and learning as much as you can, but your
friends are all complacent in their work and prefer to coast through. You could look into joining a young
professionals group (like the Rosenberry Society) and meet people through that.
It doesn’t have to be a harsh process of banishing long-time
friends from your life just because they see the glass as half empty. You can naturally displace these people from
what I call your ‘first tier friends’ to ‘second tier friends’ by making a
conscious effort to meet more people that are in alignment with your
values.
Some of you may be saying ‘but Tracey, some of my people are
family members! I can’t just not see them anymore!’ I can understand that. But there is something you can do there. Set limits.
Maybe you normally go to a relative’s house for a holiday and stay for 6 hours, hating
every second. Instead, set the limit of
only going for two. Sure, some people
may not like it, but you are allowed to make that choice! This exercise is all about helping you set up
your surroundings to help you be who you want to be. If that’s a high enough priority to you, you
will allow yourself to set some limits.
I also want to address your work environment. Most of us spend a lot of time at work during
any given week, and most likely you have a mix of co-workers that are –‘s and
+’s. You probably can’t go around and
fire anyone you consider to be a -, but you can work on limiting those
relationships too. You don’t need to go
to lunch with them, take breaks with them, or idly chit chat about the weekend
with them if you feel that impacts you negatively. Sure, as you pull back from those –‘s you may
meet some resistance. Remind yourself
that you’re creating a better space for yourself to grow, and those –‘s can go
on being –‘s around someone else.
I hope this helps you to identify those people near you that
could use the boot! Here are a few
resources for some added reinforcement if you’re interested. This can be a really hard practice, but I can attest first-hand to how great it feels to have a network of
people that lift you up, and not weigh you down.
Jack Canfield
Podcast by Andrea Owen of Your Kickass Life – ‘How To Be An
Amazing Friend + How To Manifest Your Tribe’
If you want any ideas from me on ways to meet people that
are in alignment with what you’re looking for, just shoot me an email, I’d be
happy to help you brainstorm! You can contact me at LevelUpCoaching1@gmail.com
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