Am I Psycho?

I try to be a peaceful, zen kind of person. The kind of person who leaves a situation better than she found it.  The kind of person who doesn't judge, assume, or jump to conclusions.  I work hard on this, but there is one place that as soon as I walk through the doors my mindfulness goes AWOL and I am a totally different person.  It's Woodman's grocery store. 

I like to eat healthfully, and probably 92% of the food in my apartment is either all natural or organic.  As you have probably noticed from earlier posts of mine, I like to listen to my body.  It tells me loud and clear that the more natural the food I put in my body, the more energy and focus I have, and the better my performance it is.  I'd much rather eat things that make me feel good, than eat rich, fatty, processed food that taste good in the moment but then make me feel awful ten minutes later. (But I am human - I had a random craving for a cheeseburger yesterday so I got one.  Moderation is key and I have a cheat meal once or twice a week. There's also a box of Lucky Charms in my cabinet!)  I recently stopped all alcohol consumption as well and can't believe how good I feel without the occasional glass of wine or micro brew beer. 

Once I get to Woodman's there's a zillion things that set me off - people standing with their cart in the middle of the aisle with their mouth hanging open, looking amazed that there's so many different kinds of ketchup to choose from.  People that will stand and bitch at the register because Woodman's doesn't take credit cards, though there's signs that say it, and one's right on the register as well.  People that take something from the frozen section and decide later in the store they don't want it, so they put it on a shelf by the garbage bags.... just to let it thaw out and go bad.  Yes, they're small things, but convincing my brain of this in the moment is a losing battle.

But what really gets to me - I mean my jaw will drop and I've even taken pictures with my phone before to send to a friend in disbelief, is when I see someone with a cartful of processed, unhealthy food. Sugary cereals, frozen pizzas, cheese bricks, chips, soda, pop tarts, Ramen noodles.... you've seen carts like this.  You might see a bunch of bananas thrown in, but the rest is boxed or frozen, with a long list of ingredients you can't pronounce.  When overweight kids are hanging on to the cart anxiously awaiting consumption of all this sugary, fatty goodness, is when it really kills me. 

My wonderful boyfriend doesn't share my flair for healthy eating.  It hasn't bothered me - in fact we seem to meet in the middle on a lot of meals where he will add a good tasting sauce and I'll make up an organic salad.  I will keep some of his favorite snacks in the house, and I'll pick them up when I do my own grocery shopping.  Tonight he was heading to work and won't be home until late, so I lovingly ask if he'd like something put together to eat when he gets home.  He wanted a ham sandwich on white bread with cheese and mayo.  I actually had some ham in the fridge because I like to cut it up and throw some in with my scrambled egg whites.  I had to go to Woodman's for the rest. And let me tell you, it was SO uncomfortable for me to be the one with the unhealthy basket! 

I don't know if I've ever bought white bread in my life, so to see this loaf of enriched white bread snickering at me from my own basket made me jittery.  Adding the full fat Hellman's mayo, and full fat American cheese slices, topped off with hot Cheetos made me paranoid.  Are people looking at me?  Are they judging what I have in my basket?  Am I giving a mixed message that you can eat this processed crap and still fit into skinny jeans?  I literally could feel my elevated heart rate when I went to the self check out (no way in hell was I going to let another human being empty the contents of my grocery basket!) and wanted to yell out 'It's not for me!  No it's not!  Eat unhealthy food in moderation! Spend your time in the produce section and organic aisles!  Take the stairs and not the elevator!'  I quickly scanned my groceries and paid at lightening speed without making eye contact with anyone in my path. 

I got out to the car and breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't see a parent of one of my cross country girls, or someone I have trained in the past.  And then it dawned on me - Am I psycho?  I mean, come on!  Your super sweet boyfriend wants a ham flippin' sandwich after working until 3:30 in the morning - the least you can do is get a few ingredients to put something together that will make him happy after working all night.  Relax you crazy freak!  So I must be at least a little nuts I think - that probably ties back into the Type A roots many runners come from.  Maybe I need to baby step towards being less rigid with nutrition? Or at least work on not paying attention to what other people eat, but be open to helping people if they actually want help with their food choices? It looks like I will have to work on those things until a scientist magically figures out a way to let these processed food eaters get a dose of what it feels like to be running on natural energy, and then more people will be compelled to eat foods closer to their natural state.  For now, I'll do my best not to look in other people's carts, and will try and pick up my boyfriends food requests when I'm doing my regular shopping.... and can hide his white bread under my produce. :)