Going Back 23 Years, To Where It All Started

       Any person who considers themselves a ‘runner’ can trace their love for the sport back to a single experience that struck them in such a way, that they felt as though they were home.  This was what they loved, and what they wanted to do.  To run.  As time goes by our motivations to continue to run become more layered and complex.  We run because we want to keep pushing further, or we want redemption from a race gone bad, or because our significant other doesn't understand us, or maybe we run because we’ve always run and that’s just what we do.

 I spent some time this week thinking about my own running, and where it all started.  I know my interest was piqued back when I was 6 when I saw my mom start to run road races, and my brother was pushing his own limits in high school track and cross country.  Just seeing them run made me want to do the same thing, but it wasn’t until I was 12 that I could finally run with an organized team.  I loved to run around prior to this, but I wasn’t a ‘runner’, and had no idea what it would actually entail.  I was very excited to have something to be involved in that give me an outlet, hopefully make me more relaxed, and ease the awkwardness that those pre-teen years were known for. 

The first day of practice after school I was ready to go, but very nervous.  I was pale, had a bad haircut, was way too skinny, and was 100% uncomfortable in my own skin.  We all sat and stretched on the lawn in the front of the middle school and I silently looked around comparing myself to the other girls.  They all had Nikes, I had Asics.  They all wore scrunchies, I had just a couple barrettes to hold my hair up.  They talked with each other like they had known each other for years (because they had), and I sat by myself just watching, impatiently waiting to start running.   We didn’t run particularly far, but I made it a point to stay near one of the coaches.  He had an inviting, even stride to run next to, and I felt more comfortable talking to him than the other girls.  We stuck to sidewalks and a few roads on the edge of town, and then we started making our way back to the middle school.  I was working hard, but I wanted to push to stay next to the coach so I wouldn’t have to make uncomfortable conversation with any of my teammates, and then Mr. Greiber took a turn through the parking lot.  I didn’t understand where he was headed because all I saw was a grouping of trees the seemed to go up a hill behind the dumpsters.  He navigated us to a narrow trail and I welcomed the change from the sidewalks.  I followed him closely as we navigated the short, but refreshing trail up the hill, winding back and forth.  It was that moment, on that short section of trail that I felt like I finally exhaled.  My insecurities I carried through the school day melted away as soon as I got into the woods, smelled the fall leaves, and navigated with natural skill over and around the tree roots, rocks, and uneven terrain.  That brief moment instilled in me a love for not just running, but trail running.  It was the only place I felt truly at home since moving to Wisconsin roughly a year earlier.  That was the moment that I forgot about the other girls, any expectations, homework, my knobby knees, and my un-cool shoes.    I was just me, matching strides with my coach up that hill. 

When we exited the woods just a couple minutes later I emerged with a sense of knowing – that I had found what I was looking for.  It is this raw, natural excitement for running that I want to get back to.  As I mentioned in previous posts, I am an assistant cross country coach for a high school.  I also work full time in management and a bank, and have my own side business as a personal trainer (though I’ve scaled way back and only work with one client at the moment).  I love all the jobs I have, but every fall in the middle of cross country season I allow myself a short vacation from all my forms of work.  I need to take that time to get away from all the obligations I feel on a daily basis, and renew my motivation for everything I commit myself to doing.   I usually head out of town to Door County or something like that, but this time I am staying home and doing what I feel like, when I feel like it.  I am taking this opportunity to get back in touch with that moment 23 years ago that paved my way to run thousands of cumulative miles.  I want to head to the woods without an agenda, another person, or any expectations, and just be.  I don’t ever try and connect with that 12 year old I once was when I started running, because I honestly don’t feel like I’m that same person, but before I start gearing up and planning my training regimen for my 50k in the spring I want to get back to basics.  Remember where all this drive came from, and what I really wanted for me out of my running.  Not think about racing, goal times, specific distance, but to instead run and really see what is around me, smile for no reason, stop and look at something beautiful if I want to, or charge up a steep hill if I want to.  I am headed out later today and I am already looking forward to whatever unfolds during that process.   Let’s see if I’m able to let go of all my obligations and run like I’m 12 again!