I'm not sure about all of you, but I have quite a few different groups of friends, and each group has their own thread of commonality that holds it together. There's my high school friends who seem to come together mainly for special events, my good time friends that are always up for meeting at a brewery or a happy hour, my running friends that obviously enjoy running together (and sometimes going out for food and margaritas afterwards to rehash everything that happened on the run). In the context of the training, depending on how involved you make your schedule with long runs, speed work, agility, yoga, and core work - that inevitably leads to less and less time with friends that can't overlap in that process. It is much easier to fit in time with friends when it is your running (or even just health oriented) friends because they can take part in the process. Historically for me, the time available for friends that exist beyond the fringe of a healthy lifestyle unfortunately diminishes as you creep up into those higher mileage weeks.
The relationship most suited to be under this microscope would be the romantic relationship you're in, assuming you are in one while training. That is the person you most likely spend a majority of your free time with, so they are the ones most immediately affected when you decide to train for a half, marathon, ultra, IronMan... How many of you have come home excited about a race you want to train for and can't wait to tell your partner about it? With wild eyes you tell them all about the event, when it is, how you came to the decision to train for it, and what approach you want to take with your training, all to be met with their reaction of 'really? You want to do another one of these? But you just did __________ race three months ago?' And in that moment, your balloon of excitement is popped. That interaction lays the groundwork for a few months of eye rolls and comments under their breath when you say you can't go out Friday night to celebrate a person's birthday because you have a 20 miler in the morning, or you want to stay in on a certain night because you're in the middle of a 75 mile week and you're exhausted.
I can see two sides to this recurring issue in my past. One being I really wasn't very balanced in my approach to my life in general at those points. When I'm excited about a goal I am VERY excited about it and have really intense focus. I can admit that I would place training in higher regard than those relationships at the time. The men in my life understandably felt second rate because, well, they were. The other side in my mind is that I clearly enjoyed running more than the relationship. I cared about it more, I wanted to spend more time with my relationship with running, and I was okay with that. No amount of eye rolling or passive aggressive comments were going to keep me from meeting my goal. I think that if I really was invested in those other relationships I would have found a happy medium in my training and mental attention. I would have incorporated them into the workouts by having them crew for me or meet me for a fun meal afterwards. But I didn't do that. I just didn't want to.
This has all been on my mind because just this past week I have decided on my next running goal (to be discussed in a later post) and it is a sizable one that will require a solid 5 months of training, and lots of miles. Like any recurring situations, you have a conditioned response. As soon as I decided on this goal and became very excited about it, my conditioned response of 'oh no, what will he think about it? What kind of arguments are we going to have because I need to start seriously training again?' came up in my internal dialogue. Almost immediately after the voice in the back of my head finished that last sentence I acknowledged how ridiculous it was. For the first time ever I am entering into a training cycle in the context of a relationship with a person that is very healthy, very communicative, and he actually encourages me to race and push myself. I am looking forward to training to meet this next goal within the framework of a relationship that is encouraging and positive. I can admit that I want him to be a part of it too - I'd love for him to crew for me and help me lay out my gear the night before a long run, and share my secrets of my favorite pre-run foods.
Though my time with everyone in my life becomes somewhat abbreviated during those higher mileage weeks and months, I feel fortunate to have family and friends and a boyfriend who will still cheer me on and be there for me on race day. It is those people who your mind wanders to 25 miles into a 50k that keep you going when you're losing your zeal and your grace. And it is those people who you want to celebrate with as soon as you cross that finish line. They have an inexplicable impact on your training even if they are not out there on the trails with you in the months leading up to the event. If you have any comments about things you have done to incorporate your loved ones into your training I would love to hear it!
These are some of my wonderful running friends!
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